I hate going to the dentist. Hate it! With a passion! And I am always scared and avoid appointments like the plague. There were times when I was in so much pain but I still didn’t go. Every thought of going to a dentist’s office…
“Heroes go forth. To be alive is to go forth.” What this book is about: Johannes is a free dog who lives in a park on a small island. He loves running and keeping track of everything that is happening in the park including human…
Okay, fine. You caught me. Congrats on catching the real Easter Bunny in the act. Yeah, I’m real. As real as Santa Claus. You know what else is real? My hatred of Santa Claus. Seriously, screw that guy. Like his job is any harder than my job. You know how long it takes to hide two dozen eggs? How much creativity? What I do is much more complicated than throwing a bunch of presents under a tree.
But please continue to regale me with tales of wonder about Santa and his elves, the hundreds of talented elves making and wrapping the toys for Santa, happily taking care of all of the details that make Christmas so… Christmas-y. Such a plentiful support staff. And every last one of them is abso-fucking-lutely delighted to make Santa’s job easier. None even entertain wishes or dreams of their own. Nope, they’re just there for Santa. What else could they even want? So don’t think for a moment that they’re being exploited, that they’re an indentured workforce, trapped in a frozen wasteland, working off a debt they know they’ll never fully repay. Don’t think that because it’s probably not true. Only maybe I’ve heard some shit. From very reliable sources.
This is not my point, though. My point is, whether there’s a secret North Pole Elf Dungeon or not, Santa’s got people doing all his shit for him. But take a wild guess at who helps the Easter Bunny make Easter happen. Ever wonder who’s raising and feeding the chickens that lay a septillion eggs? Or who’s decorating those eggs? Ever wonder who weaves the Easter baskets and makes the treats that go inside them? A legion of helpful elves? Hell no. It’s just me. And I don’t even have opposable thumbs! Okay, I’m exaggerating. Not about the thumbs. That’s accurate. I’m a rabbit. Truth be known, I outsource nearly all of it. I’m not a fucking idiot. But who has to make sure the Excel Spreadsheet is up to date, and that the vendors come through in a timely fashion? This rabbit. And this rabbit alone.
Oh, wait, silly me, you probably want to see my Quantum Rabbit Hutch in person, right? What do you mean you’ve never even heard of it? It’s the vehicle that makes it possible for me to do what I do. I designed it. I built it. It bends fucking time and space. And absolutely no one gives a shit about it. But that’s cool. I guess a faster-than-light vehicle is ultimately not as interesting as a sled driven by pack animals.
Look, sorry to vent. That’s the cost of catching me. Because there’s no Mr. Bunny back at the warren to rub my feet, bring me a cocktail, and listen to my tales of woe. Yeah, that’s the other thing: I’m a lady. Don’t even get me started on the sexism at the center of all of this. I don’t have the time. These eggs won’t hide themselves, and I still have half the world to cover, including the North Pole.
Can you believe that shit? I still gotta make Santa’s Easter special. Just fucking typical.
“She had repeated this trip every August 16 at the same time, with the same taxi and the same florist, under the fiery sun of that destitute cemetery, to place a bouquet of fresh gladioli on her mother’s grave.” Until August (Wir sehen uns im August)…
This article is dedicated to my son Joel. Even though he drives me nuts sometimes, I have to admit that overall he is a very cute, smart, sweet kid. He will be eleven years old this year and leaving elementary school with flying colours to…
I love Japanese authors and their style of writing. Many stories are unique in that they utilize magical realism, a style of writing that combines mystical elements with real-life experiences. Usually, there is a mix of fantasy and reality, which Japanese authors use to explore themes like loneliness and self-discovery interestingly and imaginatively. But not in Love Like the Falling Petals.
What this book is about:
A photographer, Haruto, meets kind hairdresser Misaki. Misaki reveals that he was her very first client, which he finds endearing, and he falls in love with her at first sight. Haruto bends the truth and introduces himself as a photographer.
Haruto continues to return to get his hair cut by her, and the two become close. One day, Haruto decides to ask Misaki on a date, bringing up the topic while getting his hair cut. Incidentally, he moves his head and causes Misaki to cut the tip of his earlobe, making him bleed profusely and pass out.
A few days later, a frantic Misaki meets with Haruto to apologize for the injury. He brings up the question of a date, to which she agrees. Misaki’s protective older brother does not approve, however, as he only wants what is best for her.
They go on a date to see cherry blossoms, where Haruto reveals that he is not currently a photographer and is at a crossroads. Misaki becomes furious that he stopped pursuing his dream and advises Haruto not to give up so easily just because things get hard. They start to date more seriously.
Their happy romance comes to a halt, as Misaki falls ill, leading to a doctor’s visit where she is diagnosed with progeroid syndrome: a disease that ages her extremely fast, deteriorating her body at an alarming rate. Misaki’s case is extreme, leaving her with less than a year to endure the debilitating symptoms.
Misaki, devastated, goes into seclusion and cuts Haruto off. Although heartbroken, Haruto tries to move on from Misaki. He concentrates on his photography and bears the fruits of his efforts, which helps in his journey of healing but he never forgets her and loves her still. Misaki ages rapidly but contacts Haruto again because she loves and cannot forget him….
Why I loved the book:
I love love. In this book, the ephemeral nature of love and life is depicted through the motif of cherry blossoms, which Japanese people cherish as a metaphor for life. Cherry blossoms only bloom for a short period every year. Throughout the story, I hope readers, regardless of their culture or nationality, can experience the sentiment that life is as beautiful and transitory as the falling cherry blossoms.
I was touched by the way the author, Uyama, depicts the varying forms of love. In addition to being a beautiful depiction of a budding relationship between young adults, the story illustrates the themes of familial love, grief and loss in a sincere way.
Love Like the Falling Petals is a heart-wrenching tale that will take you on an emotional journey and paints a vivid picture of the country’s culture and traditions while exploring the universal themes of love, sacrifice, and the power of the human spirit.
Written with raw emotion and masterful storytelling, Love Like the Falling Petals is a must-read for anyone who has ever fallen in love. Don’t miss out on this moving and unforgettable story! Also, the book has been made into a movie if you would like to watch.
*This is how I think it is like working at a condom factory. Reminder: It can always be worse. EMPLOYEE: You see any good penises lately? SECOND EMPLOYEE: It’s Friday. So, yes. EMPLOYEE: Me too. Our whole job is to look at, then discuss penises at…
It’s about time I finally cracked this charming little book open. I’ve had it sitting on my bookshelf for a while. The book is a tribute to bookstores, book lovers, and England. This epistolary novel delivered exactly what I expected it to! If it hadn’t…
DAY 1: Entice your partner by dressing in lingerie and performing a striptease. Don’t smile too much — mysteriousness is sexy. Also, when you smile, your partner can see the mouthguard you wear every night to protect your teeth from stress-induced grinding.
DAY 2: Find a new place in the house to have sex. Since the kid(s) can wander in at any point, steer clear of the kitchen, living room, dining room, bedrooms, bathroom, guest room, stairway, laundry room, and attic. But there’s still the crawlspace! Oh, and that damp corner of the concrete basement that always smells like body odor.
DAY 3: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position. While you’re at it, could you email Jayden’s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day your kid’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!
DAY 4: Shower sex. Apply generous quantities of soap to each other’s naked bodies and enjoy the smooth sensation of — whoa, where did the non-slip bathtub stickers go? You can’t just step into a bare tub, it’s dangerous. Yes, I know Jenny’s afraid of seahorses — that’s why I bought the dolphin stickers… they’re under the sink… behind the lice shampoo. Behind. Behind. Behind. Do you not know what “behind” means? Forget it, I’ll do it, just move.
DAY 5: Read erotica together in bed. For bonus points, read out loud to each other. Just be sure to close the kid’s room door first. Also, unplug Alexa: you don’t need some random person from LinkedIn hearing your rendition of Hot Yoga: Getting Down Dog and Dirty.
DAY 6: Give your partner a sensual massage. Start by rubbing their shoulders and move slowly down their back. Be sure to whisper coquettish things in their ear like, “Your mother keeps emailing me about our summer plans,” and “I worry you’re not eating enough salads.”
DAY 7: Share a wild fantasy with each other by email during the day, then play it out at night. Find a night when you can take your time. Monday and Wednesdays are no-go because the kids have karate, and Tuesday and Thursday nights are Jenny’s ballet practice. Alternate Fridays are Girl scouts, Saturdays are booked up with Jayden’s soccer travel, and every other Sunday evening is community chorus. So… next Friday? Hang on, let me get the calendar, I think we have a dinner.
DAY 8: Sneak in a quickie tonight. A fun, speedy session keeps things lively, and can also be a handy way to get through the repetitive credit sequence of the Netflix show you’re binging.
DAY 9: Road trip! Hop in the car for a night drive, then find a secluded spot to park and have furtive car sex like teenagers. Since you can’t hire a sitter for less than three hours, you might as well bring back the folding chairs to the store first. They’ve got a surprisingly hassle-free return policy that almost makes up for those endless lines.
DAY 10: Roleplaying. Try out a classic pairing, like football player and cheerleader, priest and confessor, Rachel and Ross. If you start to feel self-conscious, just remember that not too long ago it felt strange to think of yourself as a parent, and yet now it’s overtaken every identity you have.
DAY 11: Ladies night. Whatever Mama wants, she gets — including eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Meow!
DAY 12: Food & sex. Tonight you combine two delicious pleasures. Just be sure to put a towel down first, because strawberry juice stains are impossible to get out. And don’t use the raspberries — I’m saving those for Jenny’s birthday cake. Actually, don’t eat the strawberries either, I might want those for the frosting. All berries are off-limits. Use the green apple in the fridge.
DAY 13: Take turns blindfolding each other. Just like you were blindsided by the drudgery of parenthood.
DAY 14: Break out the lather and razors because tonight you’re going to shave each other’s most private regions. There’s no better way to build intimacy. Well, one of you could also expel a screaming baby from your straining body cavity over a period of sixteen hours while the other watches helplessly… but shaving works too.
DAY 15: Halfway there! If you haven’t managed to actually have sex yet, now’s your chance to reset. Start over tonight with a racy session of… Honey? Are you asleep?
DAY 16: Snuggle up in bed and watch porn together. Try to find something that turns both of you on. No, The Crown doesn’t count. I know you’ve been asking to watch it together but tonight is… fine… I said fine… I’m not making an expression, this is just my face.
Day 17: Cosplay! If you’re new to the practice, cosplay is just Halloween for adults, except there’s no candy and the costumes cost hundreds of dollars. It makes no sense. But neither does devoting the prime of your life and the bulk of your income to raising children who will eventually abandon you. Suit up, Batman!
Day 18: Tonight you’ll make your own dirty movie. In addition to fulfilling a fantasy, you’ll also learn about the importance of lighting and how Google Cloud works.
DAY 19: Skip a night because one of the kids got sick.
DAY 20: Still sick.
DAY 21: Now your other kid is sick.
DAY 22: Now you’re sick. And you have your period.
DAY 23: Dirty talk. If you feel shy, wait until you’re embroiled in another argument, and instead of saying “____ you,” say “_____ me”. Watch the erotic sparks fly.
DAY 24: Only one week left! Come on, we have to do it once this month.. oh, begging isn’t sexy?… you know what, I don’t need this either.
DAY 25: Have sex in a chair. Try the one that’s supposed to have been reupholstered but every weekend goes by and there it is still, tattered and neglected. Hey, maybe this way a certain someone will actually notice it.
DAY 26: Take turns dominating each other. But not in the psychologically damaging way that lately comprises your relationship, as you lash out because of your ruined expectations, weary disillusionment, and resentful exhaustion—tonight, do it in a fun, sexy way!
DAY 27: Wine pairing. What goes best with a tired, over-familiar body shrugging through the rote motions in the hopes that you’ll finish already? Pinot Noir sounds about right.
DAY 28: Determine each other’s spirit animal and tap into that primal nature for some savage lovemaking. Maybe your partner is a lion, wolf, or bear… aw, remember when Jayden used to listen to “Here Comes a Bear” non-stop? That was so sweet. And he’d sing along with the Wiggles in his raspy little boy voice. Now all he does is play Minecraft. Everyone says the time will fly by, but you don’t believe them. Until it does… Sorry, what were we doing again?
DAY 29: Advanced-level Kama Sutra. Find two or three challenging positions to attempt. Maintain the mystical energy by avoiding questions like, “Wouldn’t it be easier to work with gravity?” “Is it supposed to bend like that?” and “Why would a donkey even try to mate with a monkey?”
DAY 30: Congratulations! You made it to the last day of the challenge. Celebrate by having sex at a time other than the seventeen minutes after the children are all finally asleep in their beds, their lunchboxes have been packed for school, the living room straightened up, kitchen counters wiped down, dogs walked, calendar updated, and before the soft, dark hand of sleep has mercifully closed your eyes.
My great friend Ursula (movie-night soon!) recommended “The Enchanted April” by Elizabeth von Arnim and I have to say that it was a delightful little story that I highly recommend. What the book is all about: Four women, previously unknown to one another, leave a…
