.SOMETIMES RAW.

Artwork Mischa Schenkel

Hello and Happy Friday!

I am shocked by the attacks in France. What the hell? Sometimes I have no words to express how I feel. This is all so shocking and leaves me speechless. It makes me sad and scared in an uncomfortable way. Can I still go out without fear? Will my son be able to go out without fear? What will happen next? Will it ever stop? So many innocent people died; what for? FUCK Terrorism! This needs to stop – but I guess it never will. It will only get worse. Sad things happened this week and I needed to shed a teardrop or two. On a lighter note, good things happened, too. Again, another week just flew by like the speed of light. Too fast. I celebrated my birthday on Tuesday and I am grateful for my family. Read on what else I have been up to if you would like. Enjoy!

Reading: I got a bunch of books for my birthday (yay!) and I started Affentanz by André Bergelt today. I am also re-reading The Insufferable Gaucho by Roberto Bolaño. Great, great book. 

Watching: Le husband recommended the movie Occupy the Farm and I thought it is really worth watching. The movie By the Sea with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt is finally available to rent or buy on iTunes. Yay! I enjoyed the movie last night. Highly recommended, though-provoking and a bit weird. 

Learning/Discovering: There is an awesome exhibit at the Deutsche Kinemathek in Berlin that I would love to see. Looks amazing! 

Have you heard of the MUSEUM OF ICE CREAM? Yaaay! What’s with the Pokemon Go App everybody talks about? Check out this article.  

Thinking About: Death and dying. How fast it all goes sometimes. Today you talk to someone, tomorrow he or you could be gone. All it takes is one second. I will live more in the hear and now and enjoy life to the fullest no matter what. I am also working on seeing something positive in every tough situation. I love life – I love MY life. On my  mind is also my upcoming studies at Carleton University. I am about to register for classes as soon as I am done with this post. Excited!!! I love university-life. Students, cafeterias, gallons of coffee, books, studying: this is my world. When I was in my 20s, I always said I want to go to school forever and study. Well, I do learn something new every single day, I just meant the university feeling. I kinda missed it, I reckon. So here I am, back on the roll starting in September. Assignments, Papers, bring it on! 

Looking Forward to: My brother and Nadine Glitzer are coming here this weekend. Yay! Cannot wait to see them. We will go to Schlossplatzfest and the movie theater to see Independence Day: Resurgence. There is this weird tradition in my family to watch certain movies together; usually my father, my brother and I. Independence Day, Jurassic Park… movies like this. It will be great! This movie sounds fun, too. Watching the new Woody Allen Movie. It starts this Friday in the US! I love Woody Allen – I think all his movies are fantastic. My favorite so far is Annie Hall. Watch the trailer if you would like. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykWVcwbfDe4

Have a great weekend. <3

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

I had the most perfect birthday today. It all started with a doctor’s visit with Petit Joel and we needed to wait two hours with appointment. I forgot my phone (Nooooooooo!) and the office was packed with sick, coughing, puking kids. We waited outside for a while and Joel played on the stairs. This entertained him for approximately 15 minutes. I went back upstairs and told the receptionist that I will be at the café next door and if the doctor is ready to see us she should call the café. She looked at me weird but then agreed. So there I sat, with my son, enjoying a cup of coffee, chocolate cake, apple juice and a pretzel while teaching him a birthday song. Thankfully there were toys for him to play. Funny how the sales person at the café called me to see the doctor by screaming loud in the café: “Mrs. Henry, the doctor is ready to see Joooooeeeeeeeel!” [Not that anybody was looking at us…- who the hell cares!]

Petit Joel is fine. Nothing a little antibiotics cannot fix and this is the only important thing. I spent my birthday morning with my son at the doctors office and we found something positive out of this as well. I try and practice gratitude every single day. Today, I turned 35 years old and I am thankful to have spent this day with so many wonderful people. People who mean the world to me. With my parents who did everything possible to make my day special. I am grateful for all the phone calls I received and messages. I want to thank all you people for continuously visiting my blog, commenting, emailing and reading what I have to say. You are all part of my little internet world. I am grateful for friends who just stopped by and dropped off a bottle of red wine (Thank you Michaela!) or others who bought me books (always love you Veronika!), tea, chocolates, a movie ticket (Great movie night with Susi! Thank you for your friendship!) and so much more. I feel loved! 

I am thankful for le husband who makes all this possible in his loving, sweet way. Je t’aime mon amour. There are most likely not enough words to describe or be able to encompass this depth of my feelings I have for him. I am grateful for this marriage and our love. 

My family here in Germany is the best! Some days are rough, some days are tough but most days are fantastic. We have been through thick and thin together – and we are as close as a family can be. I love you all forever! 

I am also thankful for my TOMs shoes, Netflix, the internet, being able to study at Carleton University in September, Canada, dark chocolate, Windsor Castle English Breakfast Tea, my long hair, my eyes so I can see all this beauty, letters and phone calls from friends, my brother, my sister (even though it is kinda rough these days), Nadine Glitzer, raspberries and so much more. I could go on and on. You get the point. Have a great evening/night and a wonderful day tomorrow. My eyes are burning, it is time to sleep for me. I will check on Petit Joel one more time, turn out his tiny flashlight and kiss him goodnight. 

Versteckspiel – Artwork Mischa Schenkel

Hello and Happy Saturday!

Since the Reiki seminar and many hours spent with Martina and Uwe with tons of conversations it finally clicked in a bunch of departments in my brain. Certain things make sense – more sense than ever before. It has been a bit over one year now that I attended Reiki seminars or have seen my Reiki Master on a weekly basis. I also practice meditation. On top of that, with my upcoming birthday next week I figured that it is time to stop worrying about certain things in life. Worrying what others might think for example, dumb rules prescribed by even more clueless people and just this certain knowledge who and who I don’t want to have in my closest circle are some essentials I have been dealing with. My motto is live and let live; however, having been on this planet for quite some time now I am pretty much over a lot of things. 

I worried for a long time what other people might think of me, my life and their opinions. It is not important at all what others think and I realized that whenever I listened to it, my life was full of negativity. So I just stopped worrying about it. Simple as that because it is just a waste of time.

If you followed my blog for a while now, you know that I am not into fashion at all. Germany’s/America’s next Top Model? Who the hell cares. The fashion they are wearing walking up and down the catwalk… who the hell cares. I am discovering my body and what looks good on me – what I feel comfortable wearing. Not what anybody tells me that is suppose to look good. I don’t want to fit in just because. Some people try to fit in all their life and don’t understand that it is not important at all because those people you think you need to belong to or impress are just so boring and empty. Empty shells! I don’t want to be like anybody. I want to do my own thing – the way it suits me fine. 

I also stopped worrying about my ex(es). We broke up for a reason. Why holding on to any feelings, emotions and whatnot. It is over. I have to move on no matter what he thinks of me. The same goes for certain relationships with friends. Some people are just bad for me and I don’t want to be around them anymore. Sometimes it is just better to go separate ways – deleting virtual Facebook friendship only means you don’t want to see anything this person posts anymore. Keep in mind, this is just virtual. 

We all make/made mistakes. This is life. However, these mistakes do not define me. They are just pieces in my life that shaped me into who I am right here and now. This is all and it is okay. All these “mistakes” won’t hold me back – they don’t ruin my life. They were necessary and I am in a way even grateful for them.

Social Media. Social Media is not real life. If anybody “likes”, “retweets” what I write or “unfriends” me on Facebook, I don’t care. It is all good, I am fine. 

I had, hands-down, the best Reiki session today. It was so eye-opening and made me realize that my body is perfect the way it is. I love myself; it is my body and that is all that matters. Yesterday night at Samba I saw women who did not have the “perfect 90-60-90” body; however, they danced and had this self-confidence that blew my mind. It was perfection. I felt love. If you don’t love your body, you KNOW how to change things in your life to make it perfect for you. I mean, we all have the opportunities, options and knowledge available to make a change. Whenever it comes to status symbols: Who the hell cares if I carry a real Vuitton or Chanel purse? Only fake friends, right? It doesn’t make me a better person. It does not define me. As far as makeup goes: WHO even knows and sees if I am wearing Chanel or Maybelline makeup? 

Sometimes, things are out of my control. I cannot change it. These are the things I don’t worry about and waste my energy on anymore. Maybe this is food for thought. Maybe not. You decide. 

[And yes, Jean: I want Versteckspiel – the Original by Mischa Schenkel as a birthday gift! :)]