.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

Is it easy for you to talk to others at parties, weddings or at a bar? Whenever I am invited to a party and I go there alone and only know the host it is always weird in the beginning. So I just stand somewhere and observe and see what is going on. What type of people are invited, how are they dressed, what is the overall vibe I get. I am more of an introvert  and I caught myself a couple of times going to the bathroom to google what someone just talked about that I had no clue about [weird, I know!] I used to live in Midtown Manhattan on the 15th floor of an awesome building close to my workplace. I vividly do remember the elevator rides up to my floor with next door neighbors. This award silence and then this weird feeling that you have to say something. Do you know what I am talking about? I do practice elevator conversations, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it is just this ‘weird’ person and you just don’t know what to say to him/her. Imagine being stuck in the elevator with said person for ONE hour. Argh! [Happened to me!]

Here are some tips on how I deal with the small- talk issue. I usually greet people appropriately. I mean, everybody and anybody in this world can say “Hello” back, no? Well, some don’t for whatever reason. The way I have been raised, this is just plain rude. You at least acknowledge the other person – no matter who they are. I also try my best to remember names when someone introduced himself. Calling anybody by their first name in a conversation is sometimes awkward initially but it always gives me a nice, warm feeling if someone does it to me on the other hand. “Hello, Andrew! Nice to see you again!” It is important for me to really listen to what the person has to say. When I am with someone, I am with this person and they get my undivided attention.  NO cellphones and whatnot. At a party I would ask about the person’s favorite book or movie and what they have read or watched lately. Or how they know the host.  People usually ask me where I am from because of my accent. And how I ended up working in New York. And if that usual question “What do you do for a living?” pops up I usually respond, “Enjoying life and my family. Also trying to stay as healthy as possible.” 

Also I sometimes ask for advice. Just something small like, “My website is on my mind a lot these days. I am trying to come up with a blog post for today but I am actually stuck. What interests you these days?” The point here is not to get real advice, even though sometimes it does happen. It is more about bringing some mindfulness into any conversations. I usually use things like that if there are these little awkward moments of silence during a conversation. “Also, are you planing any great trips?” I could go on and on. Hey, I am woman. This is what we are good at. Talking. 😉 

Or maybe those funny answers work for you: 

Q: “Hey, how’s it going?”

In this instance, the speaker is somewhat interested in knowing how you are, but only the smallest details. Don’t over-share, but don’t under-share, either. Keep your answer succinct and stop doing that thing with your hands. Everyone is watching you do that thing with your hands and the longer you stand there, the more prominent the hand thing becomes.

Q: “Where are you from?”

Everyone is looking at you now, so you better not screw this one up. Consider where you were born, and then disregard that fact just as quickly. Your small-talk partner does not want to know where you were born, they want to know where you were raised. Unless — hold on — were you raised in multiple locations? Oh god. Or are they really asking for your ethno-specific place of origin? Oh god, oh god. You better tell them where you were born and be hospital-specific, even doctor-specific. Who birthed you? Why did they birth you, etc.

Q: “Where do you work?”

Go to the bathroom. Now, now, now. This conversation has shifted dramatically, and you need to get out of there. Say something like, “Be right back,” or “Gotta go pee,” but don’t say it too loud, or too weird. Say it normal, for crying out loud. BE NORMAL.

Q: “Excuse me.”

You are in the bathroom and taking up way too much space and this person passing by you on the way to the stall definitely saw you mess up that “where do you work” thing and knows you’re hiding there for the wrong reasons. In my experience, “Excuse me” is always code for “I can sense your fear.” Just explain to the stranger that you’re in the bathroom only to wash your hands and for absolutely no other reason. Then mention a popular TV show like “Game of Thrones” or “Empire” and your favorite character on the show. Wash your hands for about two and a quarter minutes. Now quietly return to the outside world with a smile on your face.

Q: “Want a refill of that drink?”

Here, your bartender is clearly referencing that time you spilled a glass of wine on yourself at Brian’s housewarming and couldn’t find any seltzer water and you went into Brian’s room and threw your wine-stained shirt in his trash and then stole an old button-down shirt of Brian’s that sort of resembled your shirt and tried to make it seem like you’d been wearing it the whole time. Ha ha, nice try, bartender. Quickly laugh so the bartender knows you’re cool and fun, then slowly walk to the other side of the bar, far away from this demon person.

Q: “How’s your family?”

Wait. Didn’t you see on Facebook that this guy’s parents recently split up? If you say your family’s “good” it’s almost like rubbing it in his face, like: “Look at my good family. I’m so lucky. No divorce for this guy.” Say your family is “fine,” but don’t smile while you say it, that way he knows that you sympathize, but you’re not trying to steal his sadness thunder. Also stop doing that thing with your hands, you literal monster.

Q: “What time is it?”

Look at your watch. It’s 6:47. Do you say “quarter to 7”? Maybe. That’s probably safe. But then what if this person has somewhere to be at 7? Now your whole “quarter to 7” statement makes her think she has an extra two minutes to get there. Cut to 13 minutes from now and that person is late for her extremely important obligation. Say “6:48.” Yes. That’s good. Breathe.

Q: “Are you still living in Brooklyn?”

Leave this place. They know too much.

I found this article at The New York Times. And when you are back home after the party you really have enough….. 

Can you believe that we spend 10 full months of our life talking about the weather? 

What’s your take on this? Are you good at small talk? And how do you solve the weird elevator ride with your next door neighbor? I would love to hear from you. 

Hello and Happy Sunday!

My mom I spent the entire day outside enjoying the sun, the park and great conversations while watching my son playing at the playground. It was warm and sunny today and it seems everybody else had the same idea than us. It was okay however, because the park is large and people can spread out nicely without lying on each others blankets. While my mom bought something to drink and pastries my son and I saw one of the public bookcase that are in Coburg. I think this is a wonderful idea, especially on a day like this. People grabbed a book and headed to the park to read in the sun. Perfection! This particular public bookcase is kept very clean with a great variety of books. There is also one shelf with children’s books and my son picked out Finding Nemo  and carried it proudly and held like a trophy until he wanted me to read it to him in the park. All this got me inspired to write about five books my son loves these days and that I think are really well illustrated and keep him captivated for quite some time. 

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. I wrote a review about this book already because it is one of my favorite books for kids. 

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. I think I don’t have to tell anyone why Winnie the Pooh is simply the best. My son loves this little bear and while I read to him I enjoy the inspirational quotes Winnie comes up with while explaining life the way he sees it. Just simple, beautiful and precious. 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh. 

Oh Wie Schön ist Panama by Janosch. My son loves loves loves this book. Of course I have my copy of the book from when I was a child and my parents read it to us in the evening. Yay, for parents who read to their children! All these little stories by Janosch are illustrated in a way that make me instantly feel cozy and at home and remind me of the time when I used to read to my siblings ever single night. 

Der Maulwurf Grabowski by Luis Murschetz. I have so many great memories about this story and the book. Since reading it to my son he wants to find this little mole outside in the dirt and digs for it. “He has to live somewhere over there,” he says while putting his tiny hands in the dirt trying to find Grabowski. Actually, have you ever seen a real mole? I have only seen a dead one once on a hiking trip. Weird looking little fellas but oh so cute in this story. 

Frederick by Leo Lionni. Lastly, I want to share this children’s book that I knew by heart as a kid. My mom told me that I wanted to hear this story every single day. I also remember that there was a copy at our doctor’s office and when I was sick and we were stuck in the waiting room [sometimes with appointment for a long long time that felt like forever when you are a child] my mom read Frederick to me. Amazing, how clearly I do remember every little detail. When I sat on my mom’s lap and she instantly made me feel more comfortable when she started reading. 

“While the other field mice work to gather grain and nuts for winter, Frederick sits on a sunny rock by himself. “I gather sun rays for the cold dark winter days,” he tells them. Another day he gathers “colors,” and then “words.” And when the food runs out, it is Frederick, the dreamer and poet, whose endless store of supplies warms the hearts of his fellow mice, and feeds their spirits during the darkest winter days.”

Reading was such a huge part of my life. I just cannot imagine my life without books. I have phases when I read more and phases when I read less. From my Goodreads list or my book recommendations you might think a book (or two) are constantly glued to my hands. Well, in a way they are. I also have the Kindle App on my phone but I prefer hard copy.

So when I do find an old children’s book that my parents kept in case of grandchildren [hahaha!] in the attic I am just flooded with so many great memories and I am happy to read those books to my son. I even take him to the library with me once in a while and we look at books and he likes it.  Being back in this little library, I do remember the smell of the books when I was a child. Who knows how he feels about books and reading. I just realize that he enjoys our reading routine, that he asks for his book “to read” next to me on the couch and that my favorite time of the day is when I read to him all snuggled up before he goes to bed. 

Watch this amazing interview by child book illustrator Marla Frazee if you would like. 

Do you read to your child or children? What are your recommendations? I would love to hear from you. Have a great week. 

Hello and Happy Thursday. 

It is funny that many want to hear relationship or marriage advice from me. Like if I have it all figured because I look so happy. Keep in mind that things are not always how they seem and that nothing is ever perfect. My marriage is pretty wonderful I have to say and my husband and I will celebrate our fourth anniversary this year. I have no rules in my marriage but one. Do not cheat behind my back. If you met someone else just go for it but tell me before. It might be hard but not as hard as if I would find out through some messages, email or lipstick stains on his shirt. So this is about it. I don’t want to change him and he does not want to change me. Simple. Over the years [this makes me sound so old and wise, hah! Far from it!] I did learn some things about relationships and marriage. Just things that are fine for me and some others that are not.  As requested, here are 4 tips that work for us. [for now because we all change!]

1. Love yourself and it does not matter who you marry. This is actually the title of a book (also available in German) that I read a long time ago and enjoyed it because it is simply true. Know what you want, know who you are (I am still working on this myself) and be happy. The author explains and shares how she saved her marriage by applying some simple rules and guidelines. 
2. Don’t take each others air to breathe. Well, my husband and I’s marriage is out of the ordinary. What is ordinary? That your husband comes home from work every night for example. That you live together or that he/she is around a bit more often than what we are working with for two years. However, I found that being apart has something awesome too. It spices things up. Every time we see each other again it seems we are on a date initially. Usually we are apart four weeks or so. We both plan on not living like this forever but for now we have to make the best out of the situation. I am not saying to send your husband or wife on a mission to Congo. No, but let your significant other breathe and do their own thing. Just because you live together does not mean you have to BE together 24/7. Everybody should have their space. This worked for us as well when we lived together before mission-life started. We all need time to recharge and be alone once in a while, no?
3. Argue in style. Nothing is perfect. We already established that. And there are arguments or even fights in every relationship or marriage. But the key here is (or with anything really) to not go over the top. No cursing really – it is just not necessary. I am not even going into beating each othe. This should be a no-go in every relationship. We are all stressed out sometimes or had a rough day. There are also times when we feel grumpy and snappy and whatnot. Just don’t assume things! [Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME!]  Ask politely what is wrong with your other half and don’t take it personally if he/she says they need some time alone to calm down. Just be polite and calm. I learned that the louder I get the quieter my husband gets. This usually works and makes me think why I even argue with him. Usually, arguments arise because I am not 100% myself at that time. I am working on it. Constantly. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. 
4. Discover new things together. When my husband and I are lucky to spend time together it is beautiful on its own. But for us it is important to learn something new. Read something new. Read something together and then talk about it. Travel and discover a new country. Go to the opera or see a movie we have not read anything about before. Binge-watch a series. Go dancing. Just don’t stop. Always evolve. But also discover on your own. See what interests you, see what you could try and maybe discover a new passion. Or just be. Together without doing anything while enjoying the silence. Since we have our son, things changed significantly. There are quite fewer date nights or restaurant visits but we realize that we can make it happen if we would love to. And it is necessary to just get away together once in a while. We both agree that we don’t want to lose ourselves and each other just because we have a child. I find it wonderful to still learn something new about him almost every day. 
5. Say “I love you” if you really mean it. Think about the words for a second. What does it mean to love someone? What is love in the first place? These three little words are spoken so easily but are pretty powerful and meaningful. 

What have you learned about your marriage or relationship? I would love to hear from you simply because there is so much to learn.