.SOMETIMES RAW.

“Who would enjoy the sun if it never rained? Who would yearn for the day if there were no night?”

Hello and Happy Thursday. 

My son Joel is amazing. He asks so many questions lately and I love to teach him and show him the world. My little world and what I know and how I see things. I spoke to a friend recently about death and dying because she lost her beloved grandfather. Loss, death and how to deal with it is tough for some of us. All this talk made me think about how I will ever explain death to my son. I know, he is still so little, too little to talk to him about death. But the question will arise at some point I bet. He already looks sad at a dead ladybug and wonders why it is not crawling anymore. So I have asked my sister and a friends how they dealt with this topic and here are some of their answers. 

My friend’s and my sister’s children were both approximately four years old when they first started talking to them about death. They both said to basically put your child in a comfortable spot, where they feel relaxed and be very specific and direct about the way the person died. My friend told me that she said that “Opa’s heart was very sick and it did stop working at some point. It did not hurt him though.” My sister mentioned that when her son was still little they did not even mention death at all. They told him that the body dies and the soul flies up to heaven. She also said that when their son was about 2 1/2 years old they did not mention death at all. They thought that it was better for the child to not get confronted with death at this early stage. [2 1/2 is really way too early] 

Later it is important to not say that a dead person just ‘went to sleep‘ because children might freak out every time they have to go to bed and sleep. It also does not work to say that a person was sick. They might think that everybody who has a cold or flue dies because they are sick.  My sister said that when her son was approximately four years old he started asking questions like what happens if he dies at some point, or if my sister or her husband die. Or if the dog dies but he did not go further. Now he is turning seven in September and he asks more specific questions like at what point everybody will die. My sister deals with this by telling him that first the older people die or those who are very sick. The child might asks questions like “when will you die mom?” My friend said to just answer that “mommy is healthy and will not die for a long, long time.” 

“Each day, we wake slightly altered, and the person we were yesterday is dead,” John Updike wrote, “so why … be afraid of death, when death comes all the time?”

My sister said to be practical when you explain what death means. Sort of like: You are dead, your body gets buried and your soul goes up in the air. Then their son asked: “So then, if the dog’s soul is in the air and I am dead too I will meet  him again?” [so cute, these little pure souls]

My friend said to describe that Opa cannot eat, walk or run around anymore. He is no longer here with us. When Opa died [her husband’s father] she told her son that Daddy was very very sad and that he needs lots of love and hugs. She said that it worked for them because her son was interested in how adults reacted to things. In a way like Daddy is sad, Mommy is sad – how can we make them feel better. Also it is important to tell the child that it is not their fault that Opa died. 

My friend said that she tells happy stories about the person who died and that you can look through photos albums together. My sister explained that her son never had any problems with separation anxiety because of death questions but my friend felt that her son did not want to leave to go to kindergarten. Whenever my friend and her husband wanted to go out to dinner alone their son freaked out even though the babysitter was there.  

To sum this up I want to add that I realized that my son is huge on picking up whenever I feel sad. He just comes up and hugs me. This makes it easier to get over anything if you have these little guys reminding you that you have to laugh and play and everything is going to be alright in the end. 

My sister and my friend recommended a book on how to explain death to your kids. I think both books are amazing. 

My sister recommends this book

And my friend this one

And this is a painting my sister’s 6 1/2 year-old son painted because he killed a moth [and now he is so sad because the moth cannot fly back to its mother and because the moth is dead] Sniff, so cute, no?!

Do you explain death to your kids differently if you are religious? Maybe some of these tips are helpful to you. I would love to hear from you and maybe you can share some advice how you told your children and at what age. 

Hello and Happy Monday! 

Reading, reading, reading. My passion and I are always searching for some new literature. A couple of friends recommended the pseudonymous Italian author Elena Ferrante whose true identity is not known. One friend mentioned also that if I would ever read “My Brilliant Friend”, it would change my life forever. Pretty big claim, don’t you think? And in the meantime, nobody even knows who Elena Ferrante is. But does this matter? Recently, people try to desperately find out who the author is. Without any luck so far. 

Rachel Donadia who wrote for The New York Times wrote that “Figuring out the identity of Ms. Ferrante, who has never been identified, has become one of the literary world’s favorite guessing games, and on Sunday Italy’s leading daily, Corriere della Sera, delivered its latest twist: Ms. Ferrante might be a professor in Naples named Marcella Marmo. Ms. Ferrante’s publisher, Edizioni E/O in Rome, swiftly denied the report, as it has every other stab at unmasking Ms. Ferrante over the years. “It’s nonsense,” said Sandra Ozzola Ferri, half of the husband-and-wife team that runs the publishing house. Ms. Marmo, a professor of contemporary history at Federico II University of Naples, also denied the assertion. “I’m not Elena Ferrante,” she said, in a telephone interview on Sunday.

I have never even heard of Ferrante before and I do consider myself a big reader. Guess what? I bought “My Brilliant Friend” for the Kindle and was blown away. I just could not put it down. I was sucked into this brilliant story of friendship, Italy, poverty, fear and love. I ordered the second book of the tetralogy and will start it tonight. [The fourth book “The Story of the Lost Child” not pictures above] I mean, honesty, this book was so good that I barely touched and thought about my favorite apps Luminosity, Instagram and Pinterest. It is so great to discover new authors who write well and get me hooked like this. With this plethora of books out there, this is actually pretty difficult. Doesn’t it seem that everybody writes a book these days? Okay, I include myself here while blushing slightly. 

Have you read any of her books? What else are you reading these days? 

Are you hooked? Get your copy here and read The New York Times article here.  Enjoy!

Hello and Happy Friday. 

I just came back from a BookCrossing meeting at Hungry Highlander in Coburg. I have not attended a meeting in two months so it was fun to see all these amazing people again. Great food and even better conversations about books and life are just something I look forward to every month. If you are interested in joining the next meetup email me for more details. This week was otherwise slow and full of quality time spent with my son. Read on what I have been up to if you would like. 

Reading:  Currently I am reading The Danish Girl by David Ebershoff and I enjoy it so far. I already know that I will watch the movie when I am done reading the book. Hands of Light by Barbara Brennan made its way onto  my bedside table recently. It is not an easy read and I cannot read more than one or two pages at night. There are just many details about aura and healing through energy but I like it and I love learning something new. This is a book I need to read during the day and takes tons of notes while reading it. Ursula März’s book “Für eine Nacht oder fürs ganze Leben” on the other hand is a great easy read that I enjoyed. Usually, I do not read fashion magazines or any women magazines for that fact. It is just not my thing. But then I discovered this magazine: 

Hooked. Instantly. I will get a copy of the April magazine, that just came out on March 10th, tomorrow for breakfast. Yay. 

Learning/Discovering: When I was a child, my parents read Janosch stories to my siblings and I all the time. Janosch, the author of all these amazing kids books turns 85 years old today. Happy Birthday and thank you for all great book and pleasant hours of story-telling. My son enjoys Janosch-stories already. This one is my favorite of all times:

Stay tuned for another post that will be up soon on my son’s favorite kids books in German and English. I am learning so many new recipes and cooking is my new passion. Well, baking as well so Hello scale! Many new recipes will be on the blog soon. 

Watching: I love independent movies. See my latest post on great movies that just opened this week here. I read ‘A Man called Ove’ a while ago and was happy when the movie came out. Great movie, great acting and just right-on so many times. Watch the trailer here if you would like. 

Loving: My life. I am starting to figure some things out and it feels good and I see clearer. I am working on thinking and stressing less and enjoying the moment without overanalyzing everything. We only have this one little life on this planet, you know. We might as well dance and enjoy it while we can. I read this quote the other day and I like it:

“People always say life moves quickly, but I disagree. I think life moves slowly if you are paying attention. There is so much for us to take from and learn from every single day.” 

I keep in mind what is important to me and what is not. Also who is important in my life and who is not. It is all fairly simple in fact. 

This video I love:

Looking forward to: The Leipziger BookFair which starts on Thursday, March 17th through Sunday, March 20th. I am not sure when exactly I will be there but I received an email the other day that I am invited to some blogger conferences on Sunday which sounds tempting. On the other hand, Sunday is the ONLY day when visitors are able to purchase books. Dangerous, hah!  I am also looking forward to visit the European Museum of Modern Glas again. I think it is nicely done, has a great collection of glas-art pieces and is just a gem of art and culture in Coburg. 

 Have a great weekend.