.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Monday! 

“On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a
day.” – Rumi

Today was a Holiday in Germany and my family and I spent the afternoon in Ahorn at the Alte Schäferei. This place is so awesome. This farm had been used as a sheep farm dating back to 1615. Now they have old farming tools and so much more on display at the museum. Every year there are different events and the pottery market/fair is around the second weekend in May. There are other little stands as well such as a soap seller, locally produced linseed oil stand, handmade rings, glass artwork and so much more. Definitely worth a trip! 

However, we took my son. He is 2 1/2 years old and a handful these days. He was terrible this afternoon. One of those days when I wished for a minute or two that I would have taken that birth control pill way back when. He was out of his mind, running around [pottery!!!!], screaming, not listing and in the end crying. H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! Le husband took over to chase and run after him. For a second I thought about this: “Inside the chaos, build a temple of love.” -Rune Lazuli but then I realized that I am not really able to do just that. Usually, I am running on a short fuse and explode easily. I was angry, screamed and yelled back at him and the situation got worse. The more I scream, he screams. My husband looked at me and told me that I am exactly like him at this point. Initially, I was even angrier but then it made me think about how marriage changes once you have a child. We both try to do the best for him, give everything, try to make it all work. Make him learn, listen and whatnot, but both with different approaches. I am with my son most of the time and I know him pretty well by now. I know what freaks him out, what makes him happy and what things cause a nuclear meltdown. And since I know all this and whenever life gives me lemons when he is losing his mind, I should just grab my Burberry coat, put on my Chanel lipstick and wander through Coburg enjoying myself like I own this place, right? 

When I observed how le husband deals with our son on a daily basis, now that he is here in Germany, it makes me wonder if I could ever be like him. Be consistent and simply don’t give up or don’t give in and don’t let him be the king of the family. When I walk with my son to the bakery he is usually pretty good. He stops at the street, waits for me and stays with me. There are other days, too. But I saw le husband and my son walk to the bakery the other day, hand in hand, my son looked left and right before he crossed the street and I wondered what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it is just because he is not around that much and my son respects him more? Do we establish rules for a lifetime with him already? Does he remember these things we teach him now? 

I do know that petit Joel does certain things to please me and to make me happy. I also know that he does certain things to hurt me. But usually I feel when I tell him something he agrees to it but with le husband I have the feeling that my son knows he MUST obey. Weird! Maybe it is a men-thing, maybe not. It is our duty and responsibility to raise our son to our ideals and what we believe in as well as saying the right thing at the right time sometimes.

I was sick yesterday. It might have been the weather – it is so cold in Germany these days, or the wind at Wartburg Castle that we visited on Sunday. I sat in the kitchen at night and felt that I am getting sick. My head and my entire body hurt, my throat even more and my nose was stuffed. So I just closed my eyes for a couple of seconds and curled up in my arms on the table. Petit Joel sat next to me and ate his dinner. I felt so weak, had a temperature and just wanted to fall asleep right there on the spot. My son said, “Mommy, open your eyes, Mommy. It is not …. so bad. Everything …. be okay!” While he said that he touched and stroked my arm and leaned forward to give me a kiss. I felt so much better realizing that he loves me. That he, no matter how he behaves sometimes, is so cute and loving. He does not intentionally want to make me feel bad. He loves me and he is exactly like I knew he would be when he was still this little tiny worm growing up in my womb building his personalty. And yes, I was so dead on. He is loving, caring, curious and so gentle and connected. And even though he has his little tantrums, he is peaceful. Every single morning he wakes up happy and he stares deep into people’s eyes. My grandfather was here the other day and when I saw both together, playing ( 2 1/2 years vs. 87 years!!!) I felt this overwhelming sense of peace while patiently continuing to raise my son waiting to meet this man he will become one day. 

“The only cure to all this madness; is too dream, far and wide. If possibility doesn’t knock, create a damn door. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t make it. If the journey you’re travelling seems to far fetched and wild beyond your imagination; continue on it. Great things come to the risk takers. And last but not least, live today; here, right now, you’ll thank your future self for it later.”
-Nikki Rowe

Hello and Happy Friday!

I just came back from the BookCrossing meeting in Coburg that takes place once a month and is always a great hangout on a Friday night and a good start into the weekend.  I met awesome people, made new friends, discovered fantastic  books and had conversations that easily lasted four hours with just one Campari Soda to moisturize my throat. It is seriously so good that some people drive over an hour to meet at the Hungry Highlander in Coburg and talk about books and whatnot. I love talking to people because I learn something from each and every one. I want to share a little quote I love and then start with my Five Things. Enjoy! 

“Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering.” 

Reading: Le husband is back which usually means he brings back many books I ordered.  Yay! I finished Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed today and loved it. It is a beautiful little book full of inspiriting quotes. My favorite is:

“If someone is being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird, you don’t have to take it in. You don’t have to turn it into a big psychodrama about your worth. That behavior so often is not even about you. It’s about the person who’s being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird. If this were summed up on  a bumper sticker, it would say: Don’t own other people’s crap. The world would be a better place if we all did that.” 

I also start reviewing Andie Mitchell’s Eating in the Middle – A Mostly Wholesome Cookbook. I will write an official review on bloggingforbooks and of course on my blog soon. Currently, I am reading Nora Ephron’s book The Most of Nora Ephron. I love her. She was/is an amazing writer, journalist, novelist, screenwriter, producer, director [When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and many more] and even blogger. With 576 pages, most certainly not a quick read but I will enjoy and savor every single page. 

Watching:   My brother recommended The Martian with Matt Damon and I of course had to watch it. His movie recommendations are usually pretty spot on and I was never disappointed. All I can say after watching it is: WATCH THIS MOVIE! It is fantastic. 

I am looking forward to watch Monsieur Chocolat,  Peggy Guggenheim documentary and Minimalism: A Documentary. 

Listening:  I looked through my husbands music online and found two great CD’s. Portishead – Dummy and the Prince “Batman” album. I also discovered Lubomyr Malnyk and his album Illirion. So beautiful. You remember Richard Ashcroft and the song Bitter Sweet Symphony? He came out with a  new album called “These People”. It is pretty awesome. 

Discovering/Learning: Did you read or hear of Moorea Seales yet? Lately, she is all over the web with her online store and a fantastic selection of jewelry, books and so much more. Looking for gifts online? Nice clothing and whatnot? Do check out her website. Another great website to find deco and gadgets is  Feinedinge.  

Have you read my last post on Chocolaterie Seelenlust in Coburg? You want chocolate and are in Coburg? Plan a visit to this fantastic place. YUM! 

Check out this app and download it for free if you need a little help with mediation and staying or becoming calmer. It works for me. I love it. Highly recommended. 

Jacques Henri Lartigue is one of my top ten French photographers and painters. 

This book just has been published in February and is full of his amazing artwork and of course on my Wishlist! [Hint Hint, le husband!]

Looking forward to: Working with my friend Mischa and his artwork. He is an amazing person and painter and has a plethora of beautiful paintings. I will write an entire article about him and his work, with interview and so much more . So stay tuned for that. 

If you are into design and architecture, the Coburger Desingnertage will open soon. It will take place from May 31st to June 5th and is absolutely worth a visit. I will be there for sure! 

Have a great weekend. Enjoy it. 

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

There was a time in my life when I was scared of everything. Scared of public speaking, scared if I could raise my son when not one single plant survived in my apartment. I used to worry about everything and Yentering constantly about possible horrifying outcomes was what I did best. Well everybody has their little stories to tell. I proofed  myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to when I stepped on that plane and left my country behind to start a new life in New York. My life in two suitcases. No family. No friends, but a piece of paper with a work contract. The weird thing was that homesickness did not hit me until I was already in the US for three weeks or so. And it hit me hard. I slept on the floor on an air mattress in my new apartment, some clothes neatly folded served as a pillow and next to me some pictures of my family I took out of a photo album at my parent’s place. That was it. I looked out of the window that had no blinds yet, saw the stars and realized that my parents must get up to go to work soon. Time difference is six hours which was also very tough to deal with in the beginning. I felt lonely, I missed them so much. 

I worried if this was the right decision. To leave my old life behind and start something new. Break my old pattern and routine not even knowing for certain when I will be able to see my family again. Let me tell you, it was not easy. But life if not easy. And there are always ways to figure things out. New doors open, old ones close. My dream was always to live in New York. Ever since my mom and I flew to this amazing city to go on a shopping trip! I sat in the plane on the way back home and thought, “One day I will live here” while I cried and my mom looked at me skeptically giving me the side-eye. I was fifteen years old. When I re-watched all Sex and The City Episodes in English I knew it is time to leave Germany behind for a while. There was just no time for self-doubt or that I won’t succeed. Of course there were times in my life when I had the feeling to be completely stuck. Sometimes due to fear. Sometimes uncertainty rules me, takes over if I let it happen. It is all a work in progress. 

With le husband we discussed things like what is actually stopping me from making any changes in my life. Or from telling anybody how I really feel sometimes – saying “Yes” when I mean “No”. What is it that fear does when I said I want to quit my first job because I am unhappy with what I am doing? Fear usually says, “hey, wait a minute, what are you doing?” Fear made me feel incapable of doing this step because I was so comfortable. And being comfortable with something means to stay nicely put at the same spot, together with all the habits (good and bad)  and routines I lived with for so long. Then I was stuck and terrified. But I knew I needed to move on. I wanted to show myself what else I am capable of, how well I can adapt to something new. Sometimes the excuses why I did not do such and such were just lies – and I knew it. Fear was holding me back from change or new challenges but I learned that I can figure anything and everything out. 

I enjoy trying something new and stop making all sort of excuses that might hold me back from living the life I always wanted. Even though le husband tells me sometimes that I am doing exactly the opposite since I am back in Germany. “You become lazy”, he says and he is somewhat right. I won’t say I fear what is on our family agenda next but I do get this feeling a tiny bit that I am comfortable. Comfortable with a routine. We had a long conversation the other day about all these things and I am back on track. I am simply moving beyond all my excuses and jump in the cold water. What is the worst that can happen? Failure is not an option! Things changed for my family again but it is all for the better. I am off to new challenges, adventures and I am excited. Keeping the eyes open for new options.