.SOMETIMES RAW.

in·dul·gent inˈdəljənt: adjective; having or indicating a tendency to be overly generous to or lenient with someone.

I have had thoughts about saving money lately. One of my main themes here is minimalism and saving money is definitely “one of my things”. I want to maximize on life by minimizing everything else basically. I have to say that I am a good saver since I am 17 years-old. This is the age when I joined Police Academy and I earned my first money. It was a slight change from 50 DM (Deutsche Mark) to 1000 DM (for police school, no less!) so I wanted everything and I wanted it right away. My father and I bought my first cell phone (Nokia 8210) because I was not 18 years-old. I remember this day so clearly; I was so proud. And you know what this phone was able to “do”? Call people and write text messages. Long story short, I indulged. I invited friends to dinner, lunch, bought them clothes, bought myself even more clothes, the world was my oyster. Not for long however. My parents saved me by helping to get rid of the debt which I am still so grateful for. Believe it or not, this never happened again! I learned – the hard embarrassing way! 

These days, I can say that I am pretty good with money and a saver rather than a spender. This cartoon pretty much sums it up pretty well and I could end this post here but I won’t, hah! 

I have to thank my mom that I have been a pretty good saver throughout my life. Of course I buy things and I spend a good chunk of money on books, travel and food but overall I do save as much as I can. However, for some reason there is always a way not to miss out on beautiful and meaningful experiences and believe it or not, most of them are free. Balance is key here. Like with everything else in life. I mentioned in earlier posts on minimalism that if I don’t have money, I don’t spend it. Simple as that. Spending invisible credit card money never worked for me and I never understood the concept of building a credit history by using your credit card all the time. How about not using it and just spending the money you actually have on your account? Of course, there are occasional exemptions that can be considered but also rather avoided.  Car loan, mortgage and such. Then again, would you sign up for a loan for a down payment for a house? I would not. “Do I really need this car?” “Do I really need this pair of pants?” Questions like this should be asked. Actually, whenever I am in any store, I ask myself this question with every item I put in the shopping cart. Strange? Helpful, simply because most of the stuff I don’t even need anyway. [How many extra shampoos and conditioners, make-up and cremes do you need?]

I think it is also important to have a certain amount of money in the saving account. For emergencies or expenses that might come up out of nowhere, and we all know, they will come up since life goes on. This money I do not touch and my debit card is what I reach for usually exclusively. I believe that saving too much money is also not a good idea. There could be a bank crash and whatnot and all the money is gone; especially these days, everything is possible, right? [election]

This post has been triggered by a conversation I had today with a very good friend at Starbucks about their horrendous prices for let’s say….. everything? A salad in a tiny plastic box for $ 11? Really? Give it a fancy/”healthy” name and people will purchase it, right? I buy my not so fancy “Grande Latte” at Starbucks every morning so I am guilty as charged.

However, I have my “money- plan” and usually stick to it and I am optimistic that even more money could be saved. Smaller living is so much better anyway. There was a time when I thought huge houses/mansions are the goal in life and if I ever accomplish that, then I are okay/good/made it in life. Actually, and over the years, I figured that this is not what I am all about. Easier, simpler, healthier, smaller and back to nature are salient factors in my life. 

In one way or another, this post is a paradox because I am procrastinating while I am typing this. Instead of reading for University or for my book review, I am working on my blog. So while I read some blogs I follow, I switched to Pinterest and Instagram. Then of course back to Facebook to see what my “friends” are up to, my email account to see if my mom wrote me back and then Youtube. Whenever I open Youtube, I know I am pretty much done for the next hour or so by being deeply sucked into videos upon videos. I am sure you now what I am talking about here, eh? Did you ever rearrange your books by color, clean the fridge or do laundry while an assignment was due? Then read on. 

To be honest, before I sat down at my desk to start this post I checked Instagram again, made myself a cup of tea, checked on the laundry in the dryer, checked if my son is asleep and looked for a Jazz-playlist on Spotify that would keep me nicely entertained while I write. I caught myself gazing around the living room, staring at my bookshelf. I could read a book instead or rearrange them? I know someone who is hands down the President of Procrastination but still gets an A+ on the final paper that he wrote literally the night before. Wth! He knows words though because he has been in academia for felt thousands of years. If he would procrastinate less, he could even get the honey from the tree faster than Tété. But I believe he knows that.  

I want to stop procrastination because it is such a time and motivation killer in a way. I came up with a bunch of things or tips that help me focus more on the work I need to do and less on everything else. It also makes me procrastinate more in style or more productively I reckon. However, keeping in mind that  focusing more on my life, health or myself personally should never lack and is priority number one. 

1. I set a time frame, goals or write a to-do list. 

I love lists and journals. Jotting down what I need to get done today or throughout the week is very helpful to me. I don’t have enormously long lists however because this becomes overwhelming. Also, if I allow myself a time frame of let’s say, watching Youtube Simpsons/Family guy videos for pleasure for half an hour works well. While setting a time, I actually have some sense of how much time I am spending procrastinating but it is then all under control somewhat. Another point is that I try to focus on one thing only and continue  until I am finished. Sometimes this is difficult because the course load is so demanding and I could work day and night on all four courses I am enrolled in. Also, sometimes the reading are very boring and filled with statistics (Thomas!) and charts. Prioritizing what is most important  is key here.  I usually write my to-do lists on Sunday evening to prepare myself for the upcoming week. Setting goals is a great way to keep on track with life and studies. Whenever I procrastinate I forget about my goals. Usually, my goals work pretty well to motivate me however, life throws curveballs at me, too. Also, I keep in mind that Netflix binge does not work to get this paper done any faster. 

2. I find a balance. 

Balancing studies and fun is salient. I play with my son and I am 100% with him when I do this because I know when he is in bed, I have to study. We have fun first and spend time together and I am usually motivated (or tired) enough to focus on my work later. Breaks are important too. I usually tell myself that I am reading or writing until 10pm and then make myself a cup of tea or eat some dark chocolate (Yum!). Which let’s me step away from the desk and clear my mind. I am also thinking about the pros of getting assignments done. Deadlines are usually on my mind constantly and hang over my head like a rainy cloud. Getting my work done sooner than later makes me feel good and I can scratch it off my to-do list. Balance in life is important. 

3. I find a peaceful, quiet place to study. 

This place is usually at the University library on the third floor. I am most productive when I don’t hear or see anything around me. And I don’t know what it exactly triggers in me but sitting near other people who study, read or write always gives me some type of competition-feeling. Like we are all in the same boat, we love to study and to learn which makes me work even harder. (peer pressure?) Places that also let me get more unimportant things done are  bookstores or a café. To listen to other people’s conversations and looking around observing is considered “study breaks”, right? I can also work in a comfortable environment like my home when I drop my son off at daycare in the morning. With him around all day long on weekends, university work piles up for the evening naturally. Being at home is however also dangerous sometimes. The couch is calling my name very loudly to invite me to take a nap at points. Rest is important but there is a huge difference between just relaxing and procrastination. Adequate rest I love indeed. Time for a power nap? 

So, in a nutshell, I am responsible for myself and whenever procrastinate I am the only one to blame really, right? Also, when I give myself too much time to complete anything, I know what nothing gets done because I procrastinate like ca-raaaazy. I have three weeks to get an assignment done or hand in a draft for a final paper? I think of it like this. I finish the paper in two weeks, hoping the professor (who said she should take advantage of handing in the paper for a proofread early) reads it and tells me if I am on the wrong track. (Cree dictionary, eyes, park)  

I am always amazed at myself what I can actually get done when I really want to. All I need to do is focus. Removing distractions is necessary sometimes. And if nothing else works and I can’t focus, I am going out and walk. Breath in some fresh air and get back to work with a better mood. Motivating myself to focus is my key to fight procrastination. What are your ways? I would love to hear from you. 

”…I didn’t understand then…that I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.”

I am a huge Murakami fan and read and enjoyed “South of the Borders, west of the Sun” on my last flight to Germany. Whenever I read a Murakami book, it seems I am stepping right back into a somewhat similar world or on familiar ground (usually similar characters) which gives me a certain kind of comfort. With Murakami and his books, you can easily follow this bingo: 

Even thought all this is usually clear when reading Murakami, he never fails to impress me with his descriptions of feelings and mood. This novel draws you into a world that seems to be all his. It is full of relationship, possibilities as well as connections that makes the reader feel he can relate. It is about his memories or wishes it seems but then again the reader gets somehow strangely involved. 

In “South of the Border, West of the Sun” you will get thrown (as a Murakami reader) into an all so familiar Murakami plot where some lonely man listens to classical or jazz music and who is also attracted to mysterious women who just seem to have this urge to destroy. 

About the plot: The protagonist is Hajime, who is a man in his late thirties and seems to be in some type of mid-life crisis. He is “happily” married but he remembers or is even haunted by memories of his childhood with a woman, Shimamoto,  he longed for. This woman was the only one he was ever really close to. They listened to music together, were best friends, talked for hours, did everything together and then, strangle, their ways parted at age twelve. Then, of course, she suddenly reappears in his life giving him hope again by talking about some sort of closeness and giving him promises that seem to confuse Hajime completely. This is no story about typical adultery. This couple shares so much more and have so much in common. It makes both protagonists discover themselves throughout this journey of meeting occasionally at Hajime’s Jazz bar by talking for hours and sharing memories. Will they end up being together? 

The reader will discover their insecurities, justifications, regrets as well as significant self-discovery. It shows clearly the loneliness of one protagonist and an obsession of simple touch, longing, nostalgia as well as some type of cathartic  about it all. Hajime meets with Shimamoto regularly and it seems that he just waits for fate to strike at some point because he does not really know where this relationship will take him. He does not know what to do with it, he does not know what these kids of feelings really are. He simply knows, he needs to be with this woman even though he is married, has two kids and would lose it all (probably) in a heartbeat whenever his wife finds out about it. He does not mind that the cards he had been dealt with in his life are actually pretty good because he is a drifter and dreamer who simply floats through it all. He has money, however, he is not properly anchored it seems because of all these haunting memories of Shimamoto. He does not address these problems with his wife but meets his Shimamoto and whenever he does he is completely fulfilled and content but still does not have the guts to address it to the person he is married to. It is very interesting to watch the world through his eyes and sensing his guilt and at the same time his cravings for this woman. 

[Tiny spoiler]: I don’t want to give too much away here but we never find out what Shimamoto is all about, what she did all these years since both protagonist met again. Even after she met Hajime again, she just disappears constantly with all remains unexplained. It all makes it somewhat dreamlike and gives this novel quality. 

At the end of the novel, the readers can fill in the blanks themselves which is what I like most about fiction. I don’t need a happy or sad ending. The ability to make your own fantasies is great. I reckon, this is why I love Murakami so much; he is an amazing author who has the capability to draw me to a brilliant plot setup and keeps me there, hanging, longing for more, thinking, feeling, wishing, wondering how I would react or decide in these decisions. 

Read this book if you love a quite distinct novel on language on the topic of adultery. Also, if you like emotions, thought, culture, knowledge but also melancholy, dissociation and if you keep in mind and realize that nothing is ever permanent and life is a consistent change.