.SOMETIMES RAW.

How do toxins enter our body?

There are three main ways that toxins enter our body. One is through the lungs via inhalation, for example, exhaust, smog, aerosols, scents, fresheners, and dust. Toxins enter the body through the digestive system via indigestion, for example, food additives and agricultural toxins, toothpaste, mouthwash, residue from dish soap and cosmetics. Toxins also enter the body through our skin via absorption, for example, cosmetics, body care products, oral hygiene products, deodorants and antiperspirant, hair products, cleaning products and the residue of laundry detergent.

What do toxins do in our body?

Toxins work as hormone disruptive chemicals that interfere, block or mimic natural hormones (estrogen, testosterone and thyroid hormones); as carcinogens like cancer-causing or aggravating neurotoxins or as respiratory toxins that affect the respiratory system and may cause bronchitis, emphysema, and other breathing problems.

Clean house sounds good but how clean ?

Advertisements and commercials lead us to believe that we have to kill every germ and should have spotless homes. Anti-bacterial products do not distinguish between the good bacteria and the bad, they kill everything; this suppresses our immune system! Over 95% of bacteria are harmless. We should not disinfect unless someone is ill or if an animal poops inside. If a product has a warning label or skull and crossbones, do you actually really want to you it?

Labelling in Canada

The labeling of household cleaning products in Canada falls under the Consumer Chemicals and Containers Regulations (2001). Under these regulations, all manufacturers, distributors, and importers of cleaning products sold to Canadian consumers must assess the risks of each product they sell, then display hazard symbols, warning statements, instructions and first-aid treatment on their products’ containers. Canadian law does not require cleaning products and many cosmetic to feature a complete ingredient list. It limits the labeling of ingredients to protect the safety of Canadian workers, meaning that only industrial cleaners have to list all their ingredients.

How save are “cleaning” products

In an Environmental Defence study, 14 volunteers homes were tested before and after cleaning with conventional cleaning products. Post-cleaning 12 of the 14 had levels of VOCs that were higher than the German recommended levels for exposure!

VOC’s: A large group of carbon-based chemicals that easily evaporate (or “off-gas”) at room temperature. There are thousands of different VOCs – both naturally occurring and human-made. Most scents or odors are made of VOCs. Common VOCs include acetone, benzene, and formaldehyde. In homes, VOCs can emanate from building materials (flooring, paint), furniture (plastic, wood finishes in cheap furniture), exhaled cigarette smoke and products like air fresheners and cleaning supplies. Typically, VOCs have short-term and long-term health effects. Because the concentrations of VOCs are usually relatively low and long-term effects slowly, research on the health impacts of indoor air quality and VOCs is still developing.

Cleaning Products to Avoid

Asthma Triggers

Ammonia compounds (benzalkonium chloride): Found often in fabric softeners and antibacterial cleaners. Ethanolamines in detergents. Bleach and ammonia: separately can trigger asthma, if mixed together create chlorine gas which can cause asthma in a single, large dose

Natural Alternatives

Not all natural products are safe. Do your research and use tools like ewg.org/cleaners and Environmental Defence. Natural and homemade cleaners are just as effective as synthetic chemicals. Not only does this make you healthier, but it also keeps our waterways cleaner. Canadians pour 3 million pounds of household cleaners down the drain every day.

Use these instead: Green Cleaning Recipes

Baking Soda: A fantastic abrasive that won’t scratch the surface, cuts grease, whitens and absorbs bad odors

Washing Soda: More alkaline than baking soda for a stronger cleaning agent. Great for degreasing, removing tough stains and cleaning grout

White vinegar: Antibacterial (kills 80% of germs), cuts through grease, adds shine (great for windows and glass) and deororizes

Hydrogen peroxide: Water with an added oxygen molecule is a strong germ killer. Wipe with hydrogen peroxide (3%), then follow with vinegar spray and leave it to evaporate for strongest germ-killing

Essential oils: Disinfect, deodorize and cut grease. Infuse citrus peels into spray cleaners or fill juiced shell with baking soda for a scrubber

Castile soap: Cuts grease and lifts dirt. Use for dishes, floors, textiles. Is highly concentrated, dilute properly before use (avoid palm oil if possible).

Cosmetics

Women use an average of 15 products; men about 6 or 7. Up to 60% of what you put on your skin is in your bloodstream within 15 minutes! The FDA has authorized the cosmetics industry to police itself through its Cosmetics Ingredient Review (CIP) panel. In its more than 30-year history, the CIR had declared only 11 ingredients or chemical groups to be unsafe. In comparison, the EU had declared thousands. 57% of skincare products contain “penetration enhancers” – chemicals like propylene glycol and sodium lauryl sulfate that bypass the skin and enter the bloodstream. Marketing claims have little meaning. Terms like “natural”, “unsentenced“, “hypoallergenic” and “dermatologist-tested” are meaningless. Even products labeled as organic are not necessarily safe. “Organic” products can contain petrochemicals, and even those “certified organic” can contain as little as 10% organic ingredients by weight or volume. Companies are not required to list ingredients that are “trade secrets”, fragrance components, or nanomaterials.

Dirty Dozen to Avoid and to look out for on labels

Avoid these ingredients in cosmetic products: 1,4 Diozane, Artificial musks, BHA & BHT, Coal-tar derived colour and PPD, Formaldehyde-releasing agents, Triclosane, Petrolatum, Phthalates, Silicon chemicals, Mineral oils, Ethylene oxide, Parabens

Hormone Disrupting Chemicals (EDSs or HDCs)

HDC’s are substances that interfere with the synthesis, secretion, transport, binding, action, or elimination of natural hormones in the body. Hormones are important regulators responsible for the maintenance fo the body’s homeostasis (balance), including optimal metabolism and elimination, reproduction, development and brain and nerve function.

Major Concerns of HDC’s

The main endocrine systems affected are the thyroid, the adrenals and the reproductive glands, resulting in 1) Reprodutive and developmental effects (1 in 6 couples struggle to conceive), 2) Neurological, behavioral and cognitive imbalances, 3) metabloic effects, 4) Immunological and carcinogenic effects, and 5) effects on the stress and sugar metablolism regulation.

Tips: What can be done

Clean indoor air and dust regularly. Eat organic (especially for meats and dairy, choose low mercury fish). Choose natural personal care products. Avoid harmful plastics and BPA. Avoid toxic cleaning products. Avoid toxic lawn care products. Avoid non-stick coatings and get a cast-iron pan to make epic omelets (for the cottage!) instead. Use natural materials for food storage such as wax papers, glass containers, etc. Avoid antibacterial products and cleaners. Avoid stain repellents and flame retardants.

Stay Happy. Stay Healthy.

Tomorrow is my 38th birthday and I am thrilled because it is a celebration all about me. Another year is over and another chapter opens already. Things I want to do for myself even more in the next year is to take good care of myself, exercise, me-time, eating good healthy food and sleep better.

When I commence a new decade in my life, on the one hand, I can view it as meaningless because age is just a number. On the other hand, I can view a number as a marker. Uncertainty means that there is always a blank canvas in front of me and this new year will help me to put a frame around it.

As much as I want to arrange or plan my life year by year, decade by decade, I am shaped by what happens around me, the opportunities I seize, the people I encounter, the places I stay or leave. Moving into my new year, instead of viewing this decade as a chance to start anew, change or improve, I want to see it as a chance to be here, and finally getting started.

I know I might not be able to control all events or the outcome of my efforts, but I can put myself in the world and in the center of life and take note of what I learn along the way.

Other things I learned in the past year are to hold plans lightly but if the time is right to just go for it because it feels right. I am not afraid to experiment with something and change course if something is not for me. Sometimes, taking action is more important than figuring out the right decision. Sometimes, it is important to stop letting people tell you who I am. I learned to notice when I am caught up with a fantasy. I learned to understand when it is time to say goodbye and how to “celebrate closure” with very good friends. I learned that my head would say, “it was for the best” but my heart would keep me stuck in the past. I don’t want to miss what is here for me now because I am chasing a fantasy. I learned that if I can’t find the job I want, I have to create it and have back-up plans always. I don’t wait anymore for someone to hand me an opportunity because I make it myself. I am not ahead and not behind. I am my own measure.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there is still going to be someone who hates peaches.” – Dita von Teese

I learned that I cannot control how people think of me, so I might as well show up as myself without being fake. I learned that people care less about what I do for a living and more about how I make them feel. I see what I have not done yet as a possibility, not a failure. I know now that everything on my list is a possibility, it is exciting to have ideas and things to look forward to. There are always new opportunities. I learned that even if I thought I have no tears left to cry, there are still more.

“Every opportunity is attached to a person. Opportunities do not float like clouds in the sky. They’re attached to people. If you’re looking for an opportunity you’re really looking for a person.” – Ben Casnocha

I learned that nobody knows what they are doing. I learned that everybody has sleepless nights, dull days, abandoned projects, new projects that seem not to work out and battles with self-doubt. Everybody struggles. Nothing is perfect. I learned to protect my solitude and alone time. My weaknesses are my strength or in Leonard Cohen words, “There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in”.

With all this in mind, Happy Birthday to me. Off to new adventures.

I receive quite an amount of emails/requests asking for advice on different topics. Initially, I thought, “Who do I think I am giving other people advice? I am not qualified for this! I don’t even have it all figured out. What the f*** am I doing?” Even when I sit down and work on my book or write an essay, the blank page mocks me. “What could you possibly have to say?” the cursor asks me while patiently blinking. The blank page is an asshole sometimes. Still, I think I want to try this because writing brings me happiness. There is a magic that comes from reaching out. I don’t believe in many things, but I believe in that with all my heart. Do you have something on your mind that troubles you and you need some uplift? Send me an email and we will help each other and figure things out together.

Here is one of the emails I received:

Hey Sometimes Raw,

I love your no-bs posts and thought it is a good idea to give you a new idea for a blog post. The subject of my email is that I am cheating on my wife. I am sick and tired of feeling guilty about wanting to, but deep inside I think that it might be helpful for our marriage and maybe improve the chances to have a happy home for our daughter. Here are some supporting facts: My wife is no longer interested in sex. Before our daughter was born we had the best sex ever. Men do have a higher sex drive I guess. This is the case for me. I do find my wife sexy, but I also find other women sexy and those women will have sex with me. When I have sex with these women, it will relieve much of the emotional resentment I have against my wife for her sexual indifference. I guess we will have a better relationship because the lack of sex is no longer a source of conflict. I feel physically better because I can release some of this insane lust that is buzzing in my pants. My wife is an awesome mother and my best friend. I have tried to speak to my wife about my “issues” to rekindle her sexual passions but it did not work. I think deep down she would actually tolerate my affair(s) as long as I would continue to be a good husband and father to our daughter. Open marriage is nothing she ever wants though. She told me. Affairs with other women will never change my love for her. Do you think I should pursue outside affairs in the interest of my family’s happiness?

Thank you,

Cheating Husband

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Dear Cheating Husband,

Cheating is called cheating for a reason because the issue on the table is honesty, not sex my friend. If the lack of sex in your marriage poses a serious threat to your relationship, you should sit down with your wife and tell her that. Go to couple counseling together. Let her know that you need her to commit to some concrete plan for changing things between you. Work on a concrete plan! Get a babysitter, go out together and such so you can have time together. Tell her that you need to know that things are going to change because you are frustrated and powerless in this area and these things affect your life and marriage.

Here is what you should not do: Assume that your wife is fine with you discreetly running around fucking other women. Because I can fucking guarantee you, your wife would rather talk about it and find a solution. She is not remotely okay with you fucking around. Making this argument for fucking other women on a sneak is a pretty elaborate way to justify something that is unjustifiable. It is the kind of thing that will lead to you, alone, in a one-bedroom apartment, while your sexy, wonderful wife hangs out with some handsome, loyal and honest person who makes his desires known.

When you cheat on someone, you betray their trust, you rip apart their heart and love for you, you embarrass and depress them (in this case, when there is your daughter who depends on her and she can’t really afford to be depressed beyond belief), and most importantly, you permanently alter their ability to respect you.

To me, what works is when you have someone on your side, who would never do anything to hurt you. When that person betrays you, it is hard to get that feeling back. And when a child is involved, it is intoxicating, really. Having that support and trust and care ripped from you, when there are children in the picture, could make someone feel sad and very restless than you can possibly imagine.

What you really want is to feel desired and adored by your wife because you love her so much, right?! You feel invisible and maybe even feel that she does not want or even love you anymore. What can you do in this situation? Your challenge here is to show up and make yourself vulnerable, but don’t disappear and force her into an inherently vulnerable position. If she does not want to listen to you, don’t accept that. Make her understand that this is very important to you. I guess you have put in some work to make this appear harmless and logical, but I know that this is about you feeling hurt and neglected and too powerless to change it. Powerless and insecure are the keywords here if you want to hashtag anything.

So, when you feel hurt and vulnerable (and you can actually show and admit this) and you are willing to talk openly about it all, then there is an opportunity for your marriage to grow into something more beautiful than it was before. Just don’t run away, protect yourself and lie and hide and fuck yourself and your child over in the process. That may be the easy way out in the short term but in the long term, you will drop a bomb in the middle of your life, and you won’t be able to pick up the pieces once it goes off.

How about, spend more time with your daughter? I suggest that you get to know your child a little better. Spend some time thinking about what is best for your child, so the burden of stress does not always rest on your wife. Her interest in giving you a blow-job may experience an uptick under those circumstances. Your wife takes care of your daughter all the time so maybe you get off your ass and get involved in family life instead of sitting back and watching her doing it all. Find out how you can do more around the house, to help your wife. Meditate. Work out more and eat less so you burn off all that sex-lust and fat. Most importantly, learn to speak honestly to your wife. Ask her what her minimum needs are to feel happy.

You say you love her but if you are contemplating cheating as much as you seem to be, then you will be doing her and you a big favor by just getting a divorce. Make your current outlook very, very clear to her. She needs to meet you halfway. You need to meet her halfway. It seems like you keep a bit part of who you are hidden.

All the best and stop cheating,

Sometimes Raw