.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

It’s me again. Did you miss me? We finally found a nice house and moved in with most of our belongings that waited patiently at the storage to be picked up. I moved many times already which makes me a pro in packing, organizing and whatnot. However, I am not even close as good as le husband. He moved basically everything we own alone from New York to Connecticut because I was pregnant with Petit Joel. I helped him pack boxes but only with the result that he re-packed them all because they were either too heavy or packed without me thinking, as he put it. And this move was even crazier. Crossing borders with a U-Haul truck is another challenge but we managed to get everything done without problems. Pretty sweet. Thinking about at how many houses we looked, we were psyched when it all worked out and that we were able to move into this amazing place. As le husband would say, “It is all about ze planning”. 

I was in charge of our closets [I have a walk-in closet which is kind of neat] and to organize le husband’s clothes in cabinets, drawers and shelves. I consider myself a minimalist and love to own less things. It makes my life easier. My minimalist wardrobe is not an expensive wardrobe. I did purchase a bunch of designer items that I am able to match with simple basic black t-shirts from a regular store. However, I do like quality over quantity but I am not an avid shopper when it comes to clothing. Books is a different story. But seriously, can you ever have enough books? I love to go to thrift stores or flea markets where I found some of my favorite designer jeans. Used, but who cares. A have some good pairs for many years now and wear them a lot which proves the good quality. I want my clothing to be long-lasting and comfortable; simple as that. 

Are you still with me? Good. 

I was done with my closet rather quickly. Le husband’s closet on the other hand was a different story. He has a lot of clothes. Okay, many tactical things and work pants/jumpsuits and all those things but I easily piled up 20 black t-shirts in a drawer. Another reason why I like moving or make it fun is, that I can sort through my his things to decide what stays, what I he really need or what is just useless and sits around for nothing. Anyway, le husband said he is going through his things tomorrow or in the next days to decide what stays and what goes. I can most certainly assist help him throw things away him. Really, how many black t-shirts does one need? 😀 

In any case, I love le husband. He is the one who made all this possible. I am very grateful for where we are in life at this point and what I am able to do here in Canada. While spending all this time in the car driving [and I mean many many hours] I realized and have been reminded of a couple of things about him. He is truly an amazing father. Petit Joel loves and respects him so much and I always thought that it would rather be the opposite. More than me, it seems sometimes. Le husband hasn’t been around a lot due to work. I love to see when he dresses him and makes us breakfast while I turn around in bed one more time. Jackpot! 

He is putting up with my crazy. And I mean craaa-zay at points. He deals with all this on a pretty good level and I am very thankful for that. He gets me a large latte and blueberry muffin at Tim Hortons for breakfast or makes me a veggie omelette. I mean… seriously, do I have to say more? Sometimes, he makes me laugh so hard that I cry. That is one of the reasons I married him. He will always be my number one because he has it all. French, Onion soup, wine, baguette, new restaurants…… he loves and enjoys food and so do I. He rocks. Period. He loves me, unconditionally. And that makes me feel pretty special and amazing. He is overprotective with everything, especially when it comes to his family. Initially, this annoyed me a bit. Flashlights everywhere, fire extinguishers and emergency notification system and much more. But now, I am so grateful that he is like this. I always feel safe, secure and protected. He is worldly smart and a very good planner and organizer. He knows what is going on in the world, reads and we always have good conversations. We say that we should record all our talks in the car because they are just awesome. When we lived in New York we had our little philosophy mornings over breakfast before going to work. At the same time he can spend two hours in the bathroom with his phone … but that’s a different story for another post. 😀

There here you have it. I am happy. We are happy. Life is good. The move is pretty much done so let the new adventures begin. 

Hello and Happy Monday! 

I don’t want to brag but I received a bunch of questions via email about what is going on with my blog. Most questions were why I don’t write daily anymore and why it has become so quiet around Sometimes Raw. Simply put, there was just a lot going on this previous week. We moved to Canada, did a lot of traveling, flying, signing, errands and whatnot that made us all all fall asleep peacefully but exhausted at night. I will share more details and what we accomplished when the time is right. So far, things look really good and work out very well. No complaints here and I am assured that this was/is all the right decision. 

All this running around usually does not give me too much time to sit, relax and reflect; even though this is exactly what I should be doing. However, I do take my time these days to meditate at least for half an hour every day. There is always time to meditate, no matter how busy or stressful life is. Of course, only when I want to put in time and space to do it. Today, I have been reminded again, how grateful I am to be with my family. Family time is awesome and I get a daily reminder how fortunate I am to live this life I am living. Time goes by so fast and for example seeing my son swimming when he was so scared to go in the water is just crazy. This little guy looks so grown up next to me – and he is not even three years old. 

And speaking about growing up; I cannot believe this kid of mine is starting preschool next month. It is just shocking. How did this get here so fast? With my boy getting so big I have been really thinking what I share of him online. Or actually, of myself and my family. I think it is just a cool balance at this point. I share some things (like the Potty training post) but I reckon I am very thoughtful of the things I am putting out there about him and us. Also on all the other things we are up to. When we travel, where we travel and such. 

What else is new? For me, these days, life is pretty busy. Busy in a good, happy way. There are new adventures, new challenges and I realize that traveling with my son gets easier. Things change. This is the way it all goes and I don’t mind. Sometimes I feel like I should slow down and rest but I don’t really feel like it. There is no need or want to chill at this point. I like to be busy and trying new things. And again, I am grateful for it all. 

When I go through older posts I have written I realize that many are about time and its passing. However, with all these changes in my life, I do not feel sad anymore. And believe me, I did feel sad a lot about time passing so quickly and that I am not able to stop it. I just love to document changes and my life more through writing and pictures. And of course focusing on the HERE and NOW. I cannot stress this enough, you guys. This is so important. Live in the moment. Live in the now. Then you might realize that it feels good to be here and you will see yourself clearly and actually love who you see. Being at my best self lifts others up and makes them happy. I want to be this tiny light that helps to lighten up others. To just accept differences without judgement. Rather look at everything with curiosity. My son for example has taught me to view myself every single day through a lens of love and never self-doubt or even fear. No make-up needed and dark circles don’t exist. He will go in that pool eventually, even though he cannot feel the bottom with his tiny toes. 

Hello and Happy Sunday/Monday! 

If you read my last post Damn you, Sadness, you know that I wrote about the departure and that I will leave Germany with one happy and one sad eye. Well, needless to say it was worse than expected and it was rather two sad eyes than anything else. Of course my head knows that it was necessary to leave my parent’s house and Germany at one point. Petit Joel and I stayed way beyond the time we initially planned. However, my heart was/is so sad about it all. It just hurts and of course I only remember the good times. Isn’t it always like this? Nothing was ever bad, right? Well, le husband arrived on Friday morning and I was so happy. We haven’t seen each other in two months and whenever he came to meet us in Germany it never felt like being together as a family. We stayed (not all the time) at my parent’s place  for a week or longer and this was pushing it to some weird limit. There was no running around naked in the house for example; simply because we could not. Or just doing whatever we wanted to do…., whenever or wherever we felt like it. Fill in the blanks here with whatever you think might fit. 

So we finally left on Saturday at noon and all the talks I had with my parents about this damn departure being necessary for all of us and we all agreed every single time, was out of the window. They looked so sad and ran around in the house, trying to kill time with useless shit; if by doing so they could stop time or never having to face the part of actually needing to say goodbye which is worse than anything else. So after my mom cleaned her medicine cabinet for an hour (there is actually nothing even in it!) and my father harassing the neighbor and then cutting some trees here and there, the car was loaded with tons of suitcases and we were ready to leave. 

If you have never experienced anything like this, you probably won’t know what I am talking about. This is not about going on vacation for a week or moving from Coburg to Bamberg. I am talking about moving to start a new life somewhere else. “I am a pro at this, ” I thought, but it does not get easier; believe me. Especially, after having spent so much time in Germany. The car ride to Berlin Airport was sad. I cried. I tried to read, it did not work. Then I realized that this is not something that will suck or something I am forced to do. I am willingly moving to Canada to study and to live here which is pretty damn cool. And the tears dried slowly and disappeared. They also took this melancholia that covered my soul like a layer with them. It has gotten better. 

Maybe it was all due to the craziness of traveling to Casablanca, Morocco first and staying there for 20-something hours. Or it was the flight to Canada the next day, Immigration craziness that turned out not that bad but I was just so tired that anything bothered me at that point and time. The car ride to the University where I will start a Master in September or the checking in at the Residency. Well, it has been all sorted out. These days, we are looking at houses for rent, the Kindergarten for Petit Joel and the area here which is beautiful indeed. I reckon I will like it here a lot. It has not been my first time in Canada. Le husband and I traveled on a regular basis to different parts in Canada from New York simply because we love it so much. I was so fortunate and happy when I received the letter of acceptance from the University I desperately wanted to go to. It is important to stop, reflect, love and wipe away those last tears. I know that my parents and family in Germany are not out of the world. They are healthy and simply a plane ride away. With Skype, FaceTime and all this good stuff they can be all visible in a minute which was not possible that easily when I left Germany in 2005 and moved to New York. There is a lot coming up in the next couple of days and weeks. Also many great trips and vacation and of course the time change that we all still need to adjust. Now, in Germany, it is time to wake up. Drive safe to work Dad. And have a great first day back at work Mom. I love you both so much. Unconditionally. 

“I walked into this empty church.
I had no place else to go
When the sweetest voice I ever heard
Whispered to my soul
I don’t need to be forgiven
For loving you so much
It’s written in the scriptures
It’s written there in blood.
I even heard the angels
Declare it from above –
there aint no cure
there aint no cure
there aint no cure for love.” [I read this poem on the plane]