.SOMETIMES RAW.

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”- Shakespeare

Shakespeare was right I guess. And, because usually love never runs smoothly, there are great authors who write about it. Here are some great book recommendations if you like to read. Enjoy!

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

This novel was recommended many, many times before I actually sat down and read it. I had been told it was a “super realistic” portrayal of a relationship, and that sounded depressing to me. Why would I want to read a dose of reality when I can get a dose of reality just by existing? How wrong I was. (In fact, I’ve read it multiple times since.) The story of one couple’s long-term relationship is indeed realistic but captures the kind of hopes, fears, insecurities, and longing that each of us thinks is ours alone. A gorgeous novel. 

Heartburn by Nora Ephron

Fun fact: I watched this movie in 2017 with my ex-husband while he already cheated on me and I did not know. He fell asleep during the movie.
Have you ever been wronged? Cookbook writer Rachel Samstat knows the feeling. She is seven months pregnant and just discovered that her husband (a man who is “capable of having sex with a Venetian blind”) is having an affair. Thus begins this novel, based on real events from Ephron’s life, which manages to turn a terrible situation comedic, as only she could. Bonus: The chapters have recipes interspersed throughout. Nora Ephron – one of my favorite writers of all time!

What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey

Sometimes, I need a hug. Sometimes, I need tough love. Sometimes, it helps to hear that someone else has been through whatever I am going through. This book has all of that, plus some. A collection of Oprah’s beloved “What I Know For Sure” columns from O Magazine, these short essays on tumultuous relationships, self-esteem, friendship, career, connection, resilience, and finding your way span the full range of human emotions and feel like a deep talk with a good friend. I’ve turned to them over and over again through different stages, and expect I will do so for years to come. 

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

I was never into YA (young adult) literature before I read Eleanor & Park. This YA book about two teens who meet on a bus is the perfect account of young love — that idyllic, all-encompassing feeling unlike any other. For any parents of teens, it’s a great reminder of that time of life. For everyone else, don’t let the YA label deter you. Though it’s about teens, the feelings of love are so universal, this book is really for everyone. 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I think this book was mandatory reading in every High school, college and literature class in the world. Hailed as one of the most beloved love stories of all time, Austen’s classic reminds us that romance has been complicated and annoying for centuries. Set in rural England, the book follows the five, very different, Bennet sisters, whom matriarch Mrs. Bennet cannot wait to marry off. Though I am incapable of reading without imaging nearly every character being played by Colin Firth, her novels never cease to amaze me. Such sharp wit, brilliant observations, timeless emotions. This one really holds up. The movie is awesome, too.

The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am studying linguistics and I am aware of the importance of good, quality communication. We all should be because communication is the foundation of all human relationships, and this book is perfect for all humans, no matter where you are or what chapter you are currently in. The celebrated monk and author discusses how to listen mindfully and express your most authentic self. I especially loved his concept of conversation as a source of nourishment. With goodness or toxicity, you absorb, like food. With specific examples for individuals, couples, and families, this book can lead us all to more loving communication. 

All About Love by bell hooks

A real gem. No list about books on love would be complete without this book by scholar, cultural critic, and feminist bell hooks. A treatise devoted to answering the question “What is love?”, it includes lines like “the word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet… we would all love better if we used it as a verb,” after which my life was never the same again. While the text skews frustratingly hetero-normative, this provocative and profound book is a must-read. 

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson 

This book is on my nightstand patiently waiting to be read. So, full disclosure: I haven’t read this book yet, but three of my friends have and all said it greatly helped them. The book’s approach is based on attachment theory and promises to help couples break free of ‘demon dialogue’ to communicate more effectively. The reviews, and there are a lot of them, are glowing.

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert

I finished Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love in one day and loved it. I read it at the right time in my life. Committed came in handy when I went through my divorce. I wanted to read Gilbert’s view on marriage after her really terrible divorce. From previous experience, I am now skeptical about marriage and the whole concept behind it. It was really interesting to see Gilbert in a predicament where another marriage is the only way to be with her partner, Felipe, then get set on a journey to make peace with it. I enjoyed the interesting facts and interviews with people on their trips throughout the book and loved that there was so much relatable material. Is it for everyone? I think anyone that has been in a relationship/marriage, is currently in one or struggles with divorce can take something away from this read.

Happy reading.

Recently, my son has more questions than usual. I like it. Sometimes it is just pure cuteness, sometimes baffling and other days absurd. Some days I am prepared, other days I am not when he gives me pieces of his inquisitive mind. Curious by nature, this child likes to explore and seek answers to appease his infinite curiosity. Again, I find all this very interesting. Especially the fact that children perceive everything through a viewpoint that is entirely different from an adult’s. I love his innocence which allows him to observe and learn things his own way, too. And with him, things can really get hilariously surprising when he starts sharing his insights and uncorrupted wisdom.

So, these days my son starts questioning the current ways of life as he tries to understand the reason behind everything. In other words, this is the phase when he starts bugging me with endless questions about random things. And if he is not satisfied with the answer, he will tell me exactly what is on his mind. Most of the time, his philosophical perception can really take me by surprise. If you also have a six-year-old, you will most certainly understand the challenge of dealing with their impeccable sagacity. If your child is younger, you have something to look forward to. Ha! Real below my son’s latest tales and questions if you would like. This is why I always carry my Moleskine notebook. And why I love him so much.

Joel: What is a Moleskine notebook?

Me: It is just a brand/a name of a journal or notebook.

Joel: Do they kill moles to make this journal? [gets watery eyes]

———

Joel: Do you know what I love?

Me: What, my love?

Joel: That every pencil has an eraser attached. Like they expect you to make mistakes which is kind of cool

———

Joel: I am too tired for this!

Me: For what?

Joel: [Points vaguely at a pile of toys I asked him to clean up]

———

Joel: May I have some apple juice?

Me: What are the magic words?

Joel: I can get it myself.

Me: there you go

———

Me: Joel, how do you think you could survive a bear attack?

Joel: I would try to be his friend and cuddle.

———

Joel: Mom, can I have a snack?

Me: Sure! Any fruit.

Joel: Strawberry icecream

Me: Try again.

Joel: Banana split

————

Me: sitting in the kitchen

[Dinosaur sound. Enraged death screech. Laser sound.]

Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING JOEL?

Joel: Taking a bath. Why?

———-

Joel: By the way, I broke up with my girlfriend.

Me: Everything ok?

Joel: Yep. We just realized we like different things. She likes to chat with girls and play with dolls and I like to build things and run around outside. So we decided to just be friends.

————-

Joel toothbrush has a suction cup on the bottom so he stuck it on the tile wall and tried brushing hands-free. Classic.

————

Me: Do NOT lick the cat.

Joel: But she licked me.

———–

Joel: I am so happy it’s the weekend tomorrow.

Me: Me too. Finally!

Joel: I can totally sleep in. Like until SEVEN!!!!

Me: ….

————-

Joel: I cannot find my stuffed animal.

Me: [1 minute later] Here it is.

Joel: HOW did you find it?

Me: I looked.

Joel: …..

——-

Me: Ready for school, Joel?

Joel: [in only underwear and his jeans wrapped around his neck like a scarf]. Almost.

——–

I was on the phone with a friend discussing dinner plants when my son said: “Salad is ruining my life!”

——–

Being a parent teaches you a lot about yourself. For example, my son told me this morning that I am not as funny as I think I am.

———-

Joel: Why do bad guys always try to take over everything?

Me: They want to be in charge and make all the rules I guess.

Joel: Why don’t they become moms then?

———

Joel: What’s a humanitarian?

Joel’s friend Simon: It is like a vegetarian but they eat humans.

I am not your typical mom. Far from it actually. Parenting at points still seems strange to me and most of the time I am attempting to figure out what I will do next. There are so many parenting trends, advice and books to get lost in. I know many people who want to stay current with the latest parenting trends. These days, the hype is “attachment parenting”, “minimalist parenting”, “tiger mother parenting and so much more insanity (#eyeroll). A really good friend of mine and I stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It is called CTFD(AB), which stands for “Calm The F*** Down (and Breathe).” Don’t freak out yet. This is not a message to give to your kid. It is just for you.

When using this technique you will be assured that whichever way you choose to parent, Mrs. Tiger Mom, your child will be fine as long as you don’t eat them of course. To see it in action, my friend and I came up with some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed. It is super easy, I promise.

Are you worried your friend’s child has mastered writing, the alphabet, reading or maths quicker than your child? CALM THE F*** DOWN.

Are you scared you are not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? That you did not do enough? That you should do more? Sign up your child for more classes after a full day of school? Tennis, Yoga, Tutoring? They are tired after school. So are you after eight hours of work. So, CALM THE F*** DOWN.

Are you concerned that you are not the type of parent you thought you would be? That your child does watch TV, plays games on the iPad and eats other things than gluten/lactose-free, vegan organic blueberry muffins even though you never wanted to raise a child like this? CALM THE F*** DOWN.

Are you upset that your child does not show interest in certain areas such as art, museums, opera, ballet, etc. at age two/three/four/five? They are still small. Is your child like Mozart? If not, CALM THE F*** DOWN.

Are you stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Tantrums, does not listen, runs away and takes all the chocolate covered almonds out of the dispenser in the store while you are already at the register? You get the point by now. Just CALM THE F*** DOWN. Don’t forget to breathe extra deeply in the chocolate/almond scenario. Or tantrums.

So, yes, using the CTFD method, you will instantly find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they have not yet mastered the alphabet. It is also a fact that whether or not you are the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they will think you are and that’s what matters the most. Another great side-effect using this method is that it makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like helicopter parents. Yikes. Ignore all those other parenting trends and fully commit to CTFD. I guarantee you, you will be glad you did and so will your kid(s). No need to make parenting more complicated as it already is. You are welcome.

To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:

1. CALM THE F*** DOWN.
2. There is no second step.