.SOMETIMES RAW.

I overheard a conversation between two women the other day. One was at a bar with her coworkers the night before and they all got a little relaxed after some drinks that followed a rather exhausting business meeting. The woman said she felt good, she was relaxed, laughing, happy and outgoing. Especially after her second and third drink. Everybody laughed at her jokes and the way she danced with another coworker after her fourth drink. Dancing the night away, f****** awesome. Then she came back home and went to bed. The alcohol wore off and she realized that she kissed this particular coworker (who she secretly had a crush on for several weeks now) wondering if this was okay. If she maybe was too drunk, too loud, to annoying or what the others may have thought about her dancing her “ass off” to ABBA’s Dancing Queen while pretending her empty wine glass is a microphone. “Creepy, no”, she asked her friend. “I feel like killing myself now. What does everybody else think now?” 

The other woman just nodded in silence and told her that “this guy will most likely never call you again. Maybe if you are really lucky!” This made me realize again how unimportant it is what others think. Who the hell cares. I know I should not have too many thoughts for too long  (just a couple of seconds really) about any (weird) interaction I have had with another human being. Thinking about some strange noises I made, too much alcohol I drank or [insert anything here]. I laugh about it, shrug, cringe and move on. It is in the past. Nothing I can do about it now anymore. To think about it longer than a couple of seconds is too much. I know that life can be painful and cruel sometimes so I won’t make it worse by overanalyzing things or replaying certain scenarios over and over in my mind. Other weird things will happen for sure so I stop worrying (German Angst) and move on to the next inevitable situation. No need to put my head down, curl up in fetal position and weep for hours or days. 

Of course, this is not a free-of-jail card to misbehave inappropriately and just don’t think about it anymore. If I did something totally crazy I of course apologize. This post addresses more the little weird annoying behaviours but not insane rudeness. 

I have one more example that proves that I don’t even have to overthink what other people’s reactions are. Tonight I spent a great evening with my family and certain people looked at me weird and talked when I danced or about what I wore. Do I care that I am not dressed all in white or dressed in expensive brands and pretend I am someone I am actually not? Nope! This most certainly does not make me cringe, think about how I look or what I wear for one second. I do not have to apologize, feel embarrassed or weird. Most likely, people like this will gossip about everyone and everything anyway so who cares. It’s not my problem. I am free. I am me. I am doing my thing. And I am happy the way I am. 

I am in Portugal, alone, attending a conference and spending my birthday week in style. I have to add, that I miss Petit Joel like crazy (did I just type this for real) but I enjoy every second here in Porto. What an amazing, beautiful and charming, laid-back, chaotic city. I am exploring and testing new food which is so much fun and yum. My favourite so far is Pastel de Nata, the famous Portuguese custard tart. Combine with a cup of coffee and a good book= perfection. 

Or this traditional Portuguese soup (Caldo Verde):

I don’t even mention that the ocean is almost empty due to the amount of fish I eat. So fresh and good. Diet soon. 

I mentioned that I am here alone. So wherever I go and sit down or wait, there seems to be this commiseration which almost is like a sign of survival for some people. Since I am here, I bonded with many women and men over different weird things that I lost track. For example insane long lines at a Pastel de Nata bakery where I turned around to look at other people in line and then made the head/eyes upward movement to wait for agreement how terrible it is to wait that long. Waiting for agreement? Maybe. This is communication, too. Why do I have this urge to emotionally connect with other people? Why do other people? Maybe because I am woman? I don’t know why but whenever the right moment comes along I have this urge to interact or connect with strangers. It is just this instinct to bond with a person close to me who is also happy, surprised, lost (like today at the beginning of the conference), upset (also at the beginning of the conference) or confused (see above). I want to share some other propensities of connecting with others and how I break the “we-are-no-longer-strangers-stage” and small talk starts. 

Waiting in front of a conference room, at a bus/train station or overall waiting for something that is delayed. Nothing brings people together talking more frequently. Being stuck in an elevator? It takes usually a couple of seconds until the other prisoners start talking to me. Also, anything that is confusing creates conversations. Looking for an entrance (like I did this morning) instantly creates a new family. 

Extremely insane slow or long lines in a store. Being in a store and the person all the way in front pulls out a checkbook or purse full of vouchers and coupons. Great conversation starter right there. 

A loud, sudden, crazy sound out of nowhere. I look around where the sound came from or jump in surprise. Many times the source of the sound will never be discovered. 

Always: Women’s bathroom at bars or clubs. Especially, when and if drunk. It always surprises me what is exchanged and said in women’s bathrooms but it explains why they always go to the bathroom together. Why? I don’t know. I never did it intentionally. 

The weather. What is the best conversation starter ever if you have nothing else to say? Yep, the weather. Most likely I get a response if I say how disgustingly hot, wet or cold it is. Any mutual discomfort is a great way for strangers to interact. If I sweat like crazy and the stranger is: bonus points. 

On the plane. I have already written about it here but want to add that the flight to Porto was a mayhem of turbulence. Turbulence on a plane create friendships. Also, great landings (German people usually clap), bad/good food on the plane or this amazing feeling that the 8-hour flight is finally over. 

Closed or closing stores. I immediately bond with the people waiting outside. People share my irritation and everyone who waits unites against the one and only enemy, the closing store. 

“Wherever you go, there you are.” 

I felt this urge for Wanderlust [wan·der·lust, wändərˌləst/, noun, a strong desire to travel], this zest for something new strongly in early January when I actually came back to Canada from  Germany. What I missed was sun, warmth and since the Canadian winter is very long and cold. After I read this New York Times article on 52 Places to go in 2017 and some recurring dreams about flying high above the Atlantic, looking out of the window to spot some white Rorschach clouds I decided it is time for change. 

Changes. Today at my son’s daycare his teacher announced the list of children who will leave (travel to) for Kindergarten in September. How come many changes  happen usually at the same time? His teacher said, “Daniela, change and a new scenery is a good thing!” I did not say not too much to my son about it all and he is totally okay with the transition. So while we were at his new school for an introduction session he looks at me and says, “Can we see grandma and grandpa in Germany again, please?” And I am thinking and answer him surprisingly pretty quickly, “Why not. Let’s fly to Germany!” 

I heard many of my “friends” say that people who like to travel that much as I do usually always run away from something. They are not content. They are in this perpetual state of confusion of looking for something new, something that does not exist or keep running from things they actually cannot run away from. When we travel, are we running away from something? For me, it is obvious that I love to discover new things rather than to run away from anything.  Looking at ze husband’s life who currently arranges and organizes his life according to flight itineraries, I have to say that this is traveling galore to me and something I would love to do as well. Just not to the same locations he is traveling to.