.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hey there! 

I don’t know if I should put up a little tent in front of the opened fridge to stay there or simply put my head in the freezer for a while. It is almost mid-September and I feel like being in the tropics. This heat is wearing me down. Petit Joel and I spend a lot of time outside exploring or I am studying and reading while he plays in the waterpark. Again, it is September. You hear commercials on the radio to consider buying an outdoor pool because NOW is the time. I want this heat to stop. I know, I will regret this sentence as soon as winter hits Canada. My first real winter in Canada; however, I do prefer the cold over the heat for sure. There are always tons of layers I can wear to protect myself from the cold [unless I want to rough it out and walk around with just a cardigan in Toronto when it is minus 25 degrees Celsius] Or I can just wear this jacket. I learned that it has to be real fur on the hood because it makes all the difference and the coat needs to go down to the knees never just only to the hips. As far as the heat goes, what can I do? Walking around naked would still not make me feel more comfortable. Maybe some other people in the park but it would be still hot as hell. [This is how hell must feel – always exaggerating!]

I know, I am complaining; maybe because everything else went so well this far. Petit Joel is doing an awesome job in preschool and my courses at University go from amazing to fantastic. Just this heat, you guys. Wow! Usually, as soon as September [the ber-months!]rolls around I am filled with this warm, cozy feeling. Using a blanket at night again, tea, soups, nice comfy nights on the couch with a good book. Everything just feels so new; a new season and whatnot. Seeing things with fresh eyes in a way. I cannot wait to see leaves in every color and this crisp air that is just cold enough to wear a little cardigan in the morning. All those clothes that had been tucked away for so many months. That summer was definitely one of the best of my life. So many changes and adjustments, so much happened and still does. All the new people I already met and this new chapter of University is just great. 

Every single year I look forward to autumn. There was this time when le husband and I spent a couple of weeks of October in Canada and observed the changing of the leaves that turned into this bright yellow, bright red and just perfect colors. We walked through forests and I felt like being in a magical fairy land, just far enough away from the real world and in such awe. Remember this crunchy sound leaves make under your feet when you walk through the forest while the sunlight streams through the colorful leaves? With fall also comes this sweet melancholy. Almost like nothing can stay forever – the leaves turn, then fall, then it is winter. All the colorful beauty is gone. But then snow is right around the corner, right?

I am looking forward to fall-walks. Collecting leaves and sipping hot chocolate on a park bench. I also just want to be on a bus and not smell everybody’s naked armpits and be totally soaked in sweat after dropping off Petit Joel at preschool. Driving around in the car with the heater on while listening to music or staying in bed curled up next to le husband after waking up to those chilly morning before I have to go to school sounds sweet. Fall is definitely my most favorite season ever. Even growing up I loved it so much more than hot, humid summers. Halloween, anybody? Last year, Petit Joel and I went trick-or-treating for the first time. He wore a devil costume and thought the entire time he is a butterfly because of the wings. Halloween in this neighborhood will be awesome. Today, we drove around a bit [in the car with the AC on full blast] and got lost. There were yard sales/flea markets everywhere and kids selling cookies. I can just imagine how awesome trick-or-treating will be. It will be magical. As magical as the first fall frost in the morning. 

Nothing is better than seeing everything through the eyes of a child so this fall will be special. Petit Joel is old enough now to get the whole concept of Halloween and I will find him the best costume ever. Starting traditions with this little guy is so sweat. Hay rides, pumpkin and apple picking are on the agenda already. He drove me nuts today, but I just tucked him in, turned of his flashlight and kissed him goodnight which makes it all worth it. [Yes, finally he is quiet and I can enjoy my night in peace!]

Fall is just around the corner and I could not be happier. So I will soak it all up, every single last bit of summer and will patiently wait for fall. Who knows what next year will bring, right? Who knows where we will be. Crunch, crunch, crunch under my feet while I listen to the wind that will blow through the leaves. Two tiny hands will be waving and collecting leaves, sticks and stones. I am smiling at this thought and this is heaven to me. Just our little place of happiness in the huge universe. Just a little tiny space that is carved out in this sweet life we are able to enjoy. We will walk down the path of golden leaves. 

As I am typing this, it started to rain. Hard. Thunder and lightning. I close the windows a bit because it is getting chillier. 

Hey out there. I try to keep my initial blog schedule alive and Sunday I usually wrote a book review. I have read tons of books lately; however, I would like to share what Petit Joel reads these days because I think this book is very cute and special. Reading to Petit Joel is so important to me that no matter what happened throughout the day, I read to him in the evening. And even if it is just a short story because it is already late. He loves it so much, curls up next to me and usually gets his favorite book out of the bookshelf when he realized it is getting dark outside. My sweet boy. 

So while discovering and exploring my new neighborhood, I found an amazing bookstore for kids. Kaleidoscope Kids Books.  I am working on a blog post just about all the independent bookstores I found in Ottawa so far, so stay tuned for that – especially if you are from around here and love to read. I literally go to all these places, take pictures, talk to the owner or sales person to find out as much as possible about this particular bookstore. My dream is still to own one myself so why not do a bunch of research while I can, right. 

At Kaleidoscope Kids Books I found They All Saw a Cat by Brendan Wenzel. What an amazing book, especially because these days I try to get Petit Joel to see things from other people’s perspectives. “You have to be quiet in a library or café,” I will tell him. “Maybe people had a rough day and just come here to relax.” Honestly, he has a hard time understanding this because he is still so tiny. 

I just love Brendan Wenzel’s new book, They All Saw a Cat. It is all about a cat, it’s walks through the world  and how other creatures perceive it differently. A child sees a cat differently than a fish while leering eyes though the fishbowl. Or a flea that just sees a pile of fur. I think it is really done in a clever child friendly way to show the power of perspective. 

If you got inspired and want to purchase this book you can do so at a local independent bookstore you choose or here. 

Honestly, I don’t feel like ordering anything online since I am in Canada. I love to go to all the places and discover. And I alway prefer physically going to a bookstore (oh that smell) than ordering online. This is just my opinion. Have  a great week. 

It is Tuesday morning and I realized that I didn’t take time recently to write an update on my blog. And I love to write. Daily. And I love my blog. There were just so many changes lately – the move, my brother and his girlfriend are still here, exploring and of course hours of sitting outside drinking a glass (or three) of wine and beer while talking. Yesterday, we relaxed and discovered our new neighborhood by foot and stroller which was so much fun. The independent bookstores, little bakeries and flower shops next to organic restaurants that all has the east/west village flair of New York. I love it so much here. It was honestly one of the best decisions we, as a family, took. It just feels right, you know. And bears are awesome. 

Now I am enjoying a little silence, quiet and me-time before we all head outside and relax by the river. [“Down by the river” – Chris Farley.] We did a lot of driving and exploring the last couple of days and spent quite some time in the car. [“We are there in five minutes”] Le husband and I love road trips. Sometimes we just drive and see where the road takes us. We showed my brother and his girlfriend the land we purchased, went to the Zoo in Saguenay, ate tons of blueberries, stayed at a Chalet by the lake and so much more. I just took a look at my blog planner and realized how many post drafts and reviews I already started and need to finish. I could literally write day and night. New reviews will be on TripAdvisor soon if you would like to read those or follow me along. My first AirBnB experience. Not so bad, I reckon. A full review will follow because this place was amazing. 

While we all spent the most amazing nights close to the fire place eating marshmallows on a stick, talking for hours and loving peace and quiet at the Chalet, le husband and I talked about the idea of joy. What makes us happy? What makes us feel alive? And are we doing the right thing? Petit Joel will start pre-school (say whaaaat?) this week and he is happy here. He is content and so sweet these days and loves my brother so much. I am not even thinking about that  they will leave soon. 🙁

There have been many times in my life where I did not feel happy and occasions when I took wrong decisions. Or I used to do the same things over and over, expecting a different result. I chose things that were not good for me or my health. I chose things that did not add happiness to my life and still, I asked myself “why isn’t this working out?” Now I understand better. Together with le husband it seems all so easy. It is a long road – this happiness concept. Wholeness and happiness are closely linked together for me. Does it add to my wholeness? Does it add to this big picture of my life, feelings or experiences? Yes it does and I like it. Sometimes we all should just jump in the cold water, take a couple of strokes and start to swim. I thought about this when we went whale watching. Well, not literally jumping in that water with them, you know what I mean. What a breathtaking experience. Those whales are so graceful and big. They came so close to our boat that I almost cried. I had the same sensation when I swam with sea turtles in Martinique. Okay, I am bragging, but I am scratching off things on my bucket list. Looking at these pictures, my heart feels so happy. How amazing and beautiful is nature!!!

Waking up next to le husband makes me happy and I feel alive. It is good to have him here with me. The other day I was complaining about something stupid and le husband told me to stop and rather spend my energy on finding solutions. Life is not always so easy but sometimes it is good to take a step back to see the whole picture again. I am 35 now and kind of in the middle of this really sweet, stress free spot in my life and there is so much to look forward to. Life is a gift and I appreciate every single day that I can get out of bed without problems, am healthy and have my family around me to plan another whole day with fun things to fill it. 

Everybody just came downstairs to have breakfast so my quiet morning is coming to an end. Ha! I am singing off now but I will be back because we are building something here. Our new life in Canada with tons of adventures that I would like to share with you. And that is where I begin. 

Unconditional. 

Blueberry Pie Forever.

Beer road/Microbrasserie and Petit Joel loves his fries