.SOMETIMES RAW.

Don’t we all know that perfection is a condition experienced by many, exasperated by social media, and just causes frustration, procrastination, low self-esteem? If left untreated, it may lead to sadness, lack of purpose, and constant questioning featuring too many what-ifs?

I’ll do this after I do that. I’ll get to it once this happens. I can’t start this until this is perfect. Many times perfection got in my way of starting or doing something new. I used to think if I cannot do it perfectly or under the perfect circumstances, I simply do not see the point.

Perfection has made me procrastinate the bigger things like for example moving back to Germany, re-designing my blog, writing a business proposal, choosing a daily meditation to practice or the smaller things like planning my day off. Sometimes if I could not decide on the perfect plan for my day off, I would just end up staying at home or running errands instead of doing something awesome.

Everyone defines perfect differently and we all have varying levels of personal standards of perfection. I personally believe and think it is fair to say that perfection is an illusion just as social media is an illusion. It is mostly curated, edited, airbrushed montage of just a tiny facet of someone’s life. So, based on this concept, that perfection is an illusion, perfection does not exist. Sometimes people, and I include myself here, get caught up in living in a non-reality when life usually revolves mainly around the superficial things like status, money, job or to-do lists. Living in reality means connection with others, accepting myself the way I am, and feeling emotions; even the dark ones.

Progress over perfection.

The right moment may never come but sometimes it is important to just do what feels right even though it is not perfect. When I chose to make progress, move forward, and take action, that’s when I achieved my goals. It is simply letting the walls of perfection fall to reveal something so pure and unique to me. It is also about loving and believing in myself enough to trust that whatever I create is not perfect but it is real. And my best self is created from this space of honesty.

It is very easy to get caught up in the comparison of what everyone else is doing and then need to feel accepted. But what actually happens is everyone does the same thing and the perfection bug actually causes repetition. Many of my friends had to listen to me talking about moving to a particular city for months now but I wanted it to be perfect. Then I got to the point where I had to just take action and go or I would be waiting forever. This move won’t be that easy but manageable. I don’t think no major move really is but this experience will teach me to live here and now, and to actually do the things I talk about doing someday. Simply because, like perfection, someday does not actually exist. So, I signed the lease to my new apartment. It felt good to finally do it. Once it was all done, the pressure was off and having done it, I now feel inspired to finish it off.

The next time you are about to put off anything because you are scared it won’t be perfect, remember that progress is more important than perfection. It is okay to clean my kitchen just a little bit, let my dad work on my new vintage furniture because he knows what he is doing, apply for that Ph.D. without re-reading the application fifty-thousand times. Oh, and starting my new essay can wait as well as the laundry because I have to catch up with a very good friend who wants to make pizza with arugula, Proscuitto, and cheese. I will get a bottle of wine. I promised, didn’t I? Just be imperfectly you.

Is it just me or does it feel like advice is given everywhere? We get bombarded with unsolicited, desperate requests from books we read, shows we watch, people we choose to surround ourselves with and the list goes on. One thing is for sure: everyone has some advice to give. But, just because it is there, does not always mean it is good, no? At the end of the day, we like to believe that advice is all about experience and one person sharing their downfalls, big wins or everything in between in hopes of someone else’s situation ending differently. If your heart is in the right place to receive advice it is usually something beneficial and beautiful to be taken away instead of an annoying feeling like shooing away a mosquito. Since everybody does it and this is my blog and creative outlet I would like to share some good advice that I received and is helpful in my life. Maybe there is something for you to take away, too. Also, check out this post.

Someone told me that changing your mind is the cheapest form of therapy.

This someone also told me that: You are too smart to be with certain men.

Here is a random picture for entertainment purposes. Do you like it? Nope? It doesn’t impress me either.

If you have the feeling that your partner is too arrogant, smokes too much weed, is too full of themselves, and extremely paranoid trust your gut and run away as fast as you can. It doesn’t matter what a person tells you, it’s their actions that prove who they really are. Don’t base your trust and expectations on people’s words. Ever.

I was born empathetic; maybe too empathetic. I always had a shoulder, an ear, a heart for anyone and everyone. I listened and didn’t judge, giving without ever expecting anything in return. This worked for decades, and somehow I was this happy, everlasting altruist. The thing is: when you accept the role to take on negativity, it takes its toll after a while. In moments, when I needed peace, others didn’t put me first because they had been used to me putting myself second. This is when I taught myself to protect my peace. Sounds simple enough, but it’s leading my mission in life now. I have learned the beauty of saying no, of choosing what I let affect me and knowing that it is my responsibility to put me first because I am the only me I will ever have. And, by way of ‘protecting my peace’, I have let go of some friendships, ended relationships, and quit jobs.

You are doing the best you can. Sometimes this little reminder puts things in perspective when I am being too hard on myself of feel like I could be doing more to change a situation. In reality, I am simply doing the best I can in a challenging time. No more, no less.

Keep doing the right things and you will get the results. This one is so important when you try to achieve something challenging and it takes longer than you expected to get to your goal. If I keep doing what works, consistently, eventually I will get the results.

Don’t try to read what people think. Simply ask.

Don’t get married. Totally unnecessary.

No iPad Air mini 2 with wifi and SIM card is ever necessary to communicate with someone you love.

Need to make a tough decision? Trust your gut. If you ever find yourself in a place where you cannot hear it then sit in silence and write a list of pros and cons until the answer becomes so obvious that you cannot ignore it. Take time with yourself and make sure that your mind and body are always connected. This is the most important relationship.

The obvious: Never drink alcohol on an empty stomach; wear sun protection every singe day, and never go to bed without taking your makeup off. And, you cannot expect anyone to love you the way you deserve, the way you want to be loved, if you cannot love yourself first. I know how corny and obvious this sounds, but I am amazed how people try to bypass that very simple, yet essential rule of the universe. Self-love isn’t something you can fake with diets, expensive shopping habits, a relationship or a few face masks a week. Whatever blocks and resistances you refuse to face, whatever beliefs you have come to develop about yourself, will without a doubt manifest themselves into your current relationship, for better or worse. Get to know yourself independently of the people in your life. Accept and forgive whatever invisible grudges on yourself you may have accumulated over the years and understand that you are whole, all on your own.

I love lists. Writing them has something satisfying so I will share one of my latest ones here with you but first something pretty big happened in my life the other day which will push me in a new direction. I have always been a person who embraces life and rolls with its punches but the last year and trip around the sun was a rather difficult one for me to swallow. This summer especially has been an interesting, albeit emotional, yet somewhat beautiful season for my son and I but now it is time to move in a new direction.

When I decided to move back to Germany it was one of the greatest birthday gifts I could have given myself. I spent my days walking, meeting friends, popping into my favorite bookstore and discovering new ones. I spent my time reading and soaking up the sun whenever I got a chance. I had no expectations, nowhere to be, and no commitments in place even though my brain worked, in a seemingly relaxed stage, to figure things out for the future. Does this sound like a dream to you? It truly felt like one. This time away from Canada helped me settle much of my pain, stress, worry-state of mind or whatever that was and pushed me forward to say: bring it on, I am ready! Are you curious what else I did? I am learning a new language and will publish my second book in a week or two. Superwoman with superpowers? You bet!

And here is my latest survival list for you if you would like to read:

1. Mental clarity: Drink a lot of water. Get sun. Practise Yoga. Be nice to the neighbors. Cook from home as often as possible. Read and buy more books. Take care of your skin and go to bed early.
2. Work hard. Play hard. Work harder. Play harder. In that exact order.
3. Do things that scare you and make you step out of your comfort zone because this is how you grow.
4. Whenever in doubt, throw on jeans, a white t-shirt, and TOMS shoes. Done.
5. Take your time. Relax.
6. Always go with your guts!
7. Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
8. Singing and dancing to your favorite song will cure any bad mood.
9. Do not wear too much make-up. It will dry out your skin.
10. It is okay to admit that you are wrong.
11. Educate yourself. Pay attention to what is going on in the world around you and form educated opinions. Help others. Donate your time. Sign up for programs at universities.
12. A hangover is not really worth it but sometimes the party is just too good.
13. Don’t compare yourself to others.
14. Get off your stupid phone, go outside, play and live your life.
15. Learn how to cook and know at least three delicious recipes by heart.
16. Wear whatever you damn well please and what makes you happy.
17. Never rub your eyes after chopping jalapeños.
18. Call your parents/grandparents and tell them you love them.
19. Keep in mind that the most interesting thing about you is how you look and stop counting calories. Invest in health and wisdom.
20. The skeletons from your past made you who you are. Don’t regret.
21. It does not matter what other people think of you.
22. Don’t ever piss off people who bring you cold, heat, mail or food.
23. Every woman should own a vibrator.
24. Try that thing you are curious about no matter what it may be: a new food, a new style, a new hair color, a new hobby, a new career path.
25. Always speak to your children the way you would like to be spoken to.
26. Fall down, get up, move on. Rinse, lather, but don’t necessarily repeat.
27. Live debt-free. The feeling is amazing.
28. Find the humor in the situation.
29. Focus on your values instead of your fears.
30. Accept the past, but fight for the future.