.SOMETIMES RAW.

I received an email from a reader who asked me if I could write about things I hate. Well, I don’t really hate anything. Hate is such a strong word. I usually replace hate with the word dislike but for this post, I will stick with it.

Here is my list of things I “hate”: 

1. 1. I hate high pitched voice and when people use like and you know all the time.
   2. I hate polyester in clothing and how it smells when people wear it.
   3. I hate the skin that forms on the top of pudding. But I love the skin on top of crème brûlée.
   4. I hate the time I found my first grey hair. I named and removed it. It has the same name as my ex.
   5. I hate super high-speed bumps.
   6. I hate that all the food and drinks at the movie theater are so expensive.
   7.  I hate that movie popcorn smells and tastes so good.
   8. I hate when popcorn gets jammed in my gums.
   9. I hate remote controls. Especially the ones with one million buttons. Also, I hate that it sometimes takes three or four remotes to turn the TV on. Then again, I have no TV.
   10. I hate watching a movie with someone who has already seen it and comments all the time.
   11. I hate the change from fall to winter and that it is dark outside at 4 pm.
   12. I hate BMW, Porsche or Mercedes (or any) drivers who think they own the road.
   13. I hate that Smurfette was the only female Smurf.
   14. I hate when I am late even though I left super early.
   15. I hate wasting time.
   16. I hate paying so much for parking (at a museum).
   17. I hate that female bully who beat me up in third grade. I hate all bullies.
   18. I hate when my initial monthly phone bill is $35 and then the tax fee of $17.99 is added.
   19. I hate it when people always have the latest gadgets and brag about them. I wish I would still have my walkman and tapes. Those were epic.
   20. I hate the feeling when I put a finger in my belly button.
   21.  I hate when people don’t tell me when there is something stuck in my teeth and I walk around with it for a while (of course smiling and talking to others who also don’t tell me that there is something stuck in my teeth).
   22. I hate fake smiles.
   23.  I hate big, flat feet.
   24. I hate that not everybody has the opportunity to migrate to the south for the winter. Like birds.
   25.  I hate silent letters in words such as sa(l)mon. I want to pronounce it. Why are these letters in words?
   26.   I hate that I cannot find out what is happening at Area 51.
   27.  I hate that nobody has caught the Loch Ness Monster yet.
   28.  I hate washing my hands at a public restroom, then opening the filthy door.
   29.  I hate when people keep birds as pets.
   30.  I hate (and actually gag) smelling expired milk.
   31.  I hate sunburn.
   32.  I hate when people update every single step they take, the food they make or eat or 1000000 memes they share on Facebook. Who cares!
   33.  I hate kitten calendars.
   34. I hate it when people catch me wearing socks with holes in them.
   35.  I hate broken crayons or pencils.
   36. I hate that stringy stuff in the inside of a banana. And I hate that brown thing at the bottom of the banana.
   37.   I hate the carpet styles in casinos.
   38.  I hate super soft towels.
   39.  I hate super soft mattresses.
   40.   I hate that dust bunnies (in German: mice/Mäuse) gather under beds or in corners.
   41.   I hate that lighting bugs don’t stay lit.
   42.  I hate that superheroes don’t really exist but villains do.
   43.   I hate killing or eating a whole fresh lobster.  Those sad eyes staring at me. But it is so damn good.
   44.  I hate laziness.
   45.   I hate superstitions.
   46.  I hate using someone else’s soap.
   47.  I hate when people don’t clean the toilet bowl ring. (Klobrille, “toilet glasses” in German!)
   48.  I hate those strands of hair that cling to the shower wall or in the bathtub. Or on the floor.
   49.  I hate that stores put out back-to-school supplies in mid-July.
   50.   I hate that Halloween decoration is available by mid-August. I can go on with this.
   51.  I hate that tissue paper that people put in a gift bag. What is the purpose of it? It neither hides anything nor looks good.
   52.  I hate when reused gift bags have someone else’s name on them.
   53.  I hate that bigger is not always better.
   54.   I hate burning my mouth but I never wait when food is super hot.
   55.  I hate stepping on scales. I don’t have one. 
   56.   I hate losing buttons.
   57.   I hate missing garbage day.
   58.  I hate that I don’t get lollipops in banks anymore but my son does.
   59.   I hate when PEOPLE YELL AT ME IN ALL CAPS.
   60.  I hate when parents give their three-year-old child five-minute time warnings. They have no clue what five minutes even means. Or ten minutes.
   61.  I hate tolls.
   62.  I hate that I don’t have magic beans.
   63.  I hate that there is no magic genie inside my lamp but I keep rubbing it regardless.
   64.  I hate that most kids are scared to death when I tell them German Fairytales.
   65.  I hate when someone invents something that I thought of first. 
   66.  I hate that the really cool stuff to see is usually always on the other side of the plane, bus or car.
   67.  I hate that Rose in Titanic said she would not let go… but she did. She could have clearly saved Leo. I hate that she did not make room on that board for him.
   68.  I hate that they didn’t see that iceberg any sooner. Again, I could go on forever.
   69. I hate kids. Except for my son. And Leos. And my sister’s kids and some selected others.
   70.   I hate when people use the word ginormous or ridic.
   71.  I hate international student fees. Or all student fees.
   72.  I hate not knowing everything. I hate that my son knows everything.
   73.  I hate combination locks on lockers.
   74.   I hate the locker room or gym smell.
   75.   I hate dumb, overpriced souvenirs.
   76.  I hate when people don’t bring me back a souvenir.
   77.   I hate cruise ships. Titanic traumatized me for life.
   78.  I hate when I have to get up to pee at night.
   79.  I hate daylight-savings and losing an hour of sleep.
   80.   I hate insomnia.
   81.   I hate that software needs updates and then at some point I need to purchase a new computer because it is old.  This goes for pretty much all electrical gadgets.
   82.  I hate junk mail.
   83.   I hate licking envelopes.
   84.   I hate missing the mailman. I see him carrying the package from my mom to the door because I am working at my desk. He rings the doorbell and waits ONE second, then leaves with the package. I yell out the window that I am coming down but he is long gone.
   85.   I hate global warming.
   86.  I hate leaf blowers and the sound they make. Just horrible. Especially early on a Saturday morning.
   87.   I hate when people cannot say croissant properly when ordering one at the café.
   88.  I hate saving a good bottle of wine for a special occasion. I hate when people have a basement full of wine but don’t drink it.
   89.  I hate nasty, dumb divorces and fights over nothing.
   90.  I hate that I was too blind, rushed into things and did not see all the alarm signs and signals earlier.

What are things you hate?

Ladies and Gentlemen,

can I please have your attention for this public service announcement: OH MY GOD, I WROTE A BOOK. 

The title: Sometimes Raw – Balance is key and moderation is my friend. Sometimes. I love that title but I love the cover more. I can finally share all this with my readers since I kept it sort of secret for quite some time. The book was in a very raw stage, many changes needed to be made and I did not find a publisher who would print it the way I wanted. But now the secret is out. I was so thrilled and over the top when the first copy of my book arrived at my new home today, when I had it in front of me, smelled it and flipped back and forth through the pages. It was epic.

What is the book about: 

I have written a bunch of essays on my lifestyle in general, about simplifying life, about being a mother, about creating that life I am passionate about, inspirations, health and being a better version of myself. I just did not want to focus only on one thing but rather cover many aspects of (my) life. I also shared many personal topics by connecting them to my readers. Sort of like memories such as when I discovered something about my life or when I threw out all my childhood diaries and had this urge to start a new folder every time something major happened. Those certain epiphany moments we all know too well and think about it but don’t say it.

The Amazon description I wrote is: 

With poignant candor, humor, and thought-provoking articles, essayist and blogger Daniela Henry writes about emotional and powerful thoughts on parenting, travels, books, and inspiration while chronicling her life with her own ups and downs. Smart, edgy, hilarious, sometimes raw and unabashed raunchy, Henry explodes onto the printed page in her first book. You will learn about minimalism, how not to kill your child(ren), how to save money, about love, about life, and how to be happy because you only have this one life. Sometimes you just have to laugh, even when your life is a complete dumpster fire.

***********

I was very happy and excited about writing the book in the first place and putting it together with my publisher. Definitely, one of the most fun things I have ever done in my life. The reason I wanted this book to be a “real” book instead of publishing digital is that I love the physical copy of a book more than anything else. If you don’t know this by now:  I read a lot, a lot, a lot. Whenever I have the time or wherever I am, a physical version of a book is usually close by. I just love flipping through books, smelling them, touching them; it is an obsession.

What I hope to achieve with my book is that you get comfortable somewhere, have some nice music on, a cup of coffee, eat some chocolate (or don’t do anything at all) and read a copy of Sometimes Raw which may transfer you into a relaxed, thought-provoking or inspirational mode and makes you reflect and think.

Now I am no longer the consumer of books, but I am also the producer which feels pretty awesome. Actually, I am working on my second book already. When I held the first draft in my hand today it felt like giving birth – which it also is in a way. I was nervous but also so excited. Most of you guys know, I love writing. And publishing a book for a writer is a dream come true. Being an avid reader, publishing my own book was on my bucket list for a long time. I tell my son all the time how amazing it would be to see my book on a bookshelf whenever we are at a bookstore.

Now I am a published author. It is just like: check. Off the list. Simple as that. On to the new book. I really want to thank all my blog readers and the support I have gotten to make this happen. If you decide to purchase my book, make sure you read the acknowledgment page first! You may have been mentioned.

My publisher wanted me to highlight that I wrote this book in English, even though this is not my first language. My first language is German. I was always pretty decent at speaking English but writing was a different story. At this point, I also want to say Hi to my English teacher in 5th grade, Mr. Karches, who thought I will never ever be able to master grammar or to write an essay sufficiently in English.

You can order the book here:

Canada: Sometimes Raw – The book 

United States:  Sometimes Raw- The book      

and at Barnes and Noble

Germany: Sometimes Raw – The book. 

UK: Sometimes Raw – The Book (WaterStones) 

on Amazon.uk

Around the world: BookDepository

and Booktopia

or in your favorite bookstore or library. It would make me extra happy to know my book is in more libraries.

I will have a book signing coming up in Ottawa and several copies on display in bookstores worldwide. Announcements and dates will be shared on this website. My publisher and I are working on a “booktour”. How insane is that?!

Honestly, I am still totally overwhelmed in the best way possible right now. Today,  I just spent the day with my son celebrating in style. “Garlicky bites” were involved. It is a milestone I want to remember forever.

Fun fact:  My publisher told me that people have placed orders in 21 countries: Canada, Germany, USA, Mexico, Ireland, England, Scotland, Netherlands, Denmark, Norway, Finland, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, France, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Malaysia, and Singapore. How awesome is that?!

This woman I know is strong. This woman you want does not exist. Despite agreeing to split two appetizers with you and seeming, in your eyes, charmingly overwhelmed by the menu’s options, her favorite time of the day is not having dinner with you at all. Her favorite time of day is when the waiter starts coming around putting little votive candles on the tables.

However, she picked this restaurant for its big booths because they make her feel like she is falling into a giant comfortable pillow; sinking into a hug trying to seek comfort. Hugs from furniture don’t mislead her; like a cushion safely placed on her stomach and held tight that acts like a soft fender for her gut. This woman also accepts hugs from the weight of a dentist’s X-ray apron. Or from Canada Goose Jackets, nicely stacked next to each other on a rack, inviting her to fold herself into them. From going to the movie theaters by herself in the day. From resting her face against cold marble surface. From stepping into the sunlight and closing her eyes. From listening to the neighbor’s dog sigh.

Yet, she is not harsh, standoffish, unwilling and up to something. She is not narcissistic, a snob, a spy or some suspect. She is not haughty, selfish, plenty vain, but she is proud and affected of what she has achieved so far. She is looking at her own reflections in the mirror that is behind you at the restaurant. Despite your grievances, she is not withholding. She will simply not tell you anymore about the things she takes an interest in, because what she does not want is this: that you procure them from her. Why? Because you yearn for her vulnerability. Which you believe comes complimentary, like pretzels on a flight; two small bags and a smile.

Vulnerability, however, she refuses to give you because she is, after all these years, gaining back control and custody of herself which feels amazing to her. She realized that somewhere, all the way down, most things lost will eventually be found. For her, it is an everyday process of retrieval moving at the speed of someone gathering dirty laundry from the floor – silently regretting this one cardigan she bought and only wore once but she remembered when and where she bought it. She also gets distracted by the labels on the back of her T-shirts that is annoyingly so she just tears it off -most of the time leaving no hole. That’s the speed she moves at. She doesn’t like to accomplish things fast. Good things take time. She is too sensitive but got sucked in and convinced to move too quickly. She loves and is fine with that many times, her thought just come up like goop squeezed out of a tube.

Your obsession is your obsession. What absorbs you though is merely her. You believe that your fascinations, ideas, and projects have manifested her. However, she is an iceberg you have mistaken for an island – discoverable in your eyes. She is open in ways that do not attract attention, in the same manner, she attracts attention. There is a difference but neither requires your sanction. She knows what she needs – you do not have to tell her. You do not have to fix her life. Rather fix your own. Do you know when she sits somewhere and extends her neck, sits up straight and communicates her posture? She is self-confident. Are you?

This woman likes completeness, security, honesty, and this feeling that she can be herself and say whatever she wants. Lies destroy things, she never wants lies. She wishes she had an understanding for small talk, cheating or arbitrary tone when airing something considered. Also, for soft-boiling an egg. Why is this always a challenge? While she sat at a library the other day, almost uninterrupted for one hour, she readjusted her posture various times. She got distracted by the Peanut M&M’s in the vending machine. The day progressed. The library’s quiet time came to be its own noise; like artificial silence forged from real silence. Is everybody playing pretend-silence? This is one of the places she is happy. Here, she can think, read and write. She was tired of reading after one hour and thought if this is how cheating must feel. Sentences begin to float off the page and the focus becomes unfaithful, and then the book starts to flop like a fainted body. Off to the next one?

This woman finishes the chapter and looks up from her page and then down at the library’s carpet beneath her feet. There is a cord close to her desk, lengths of it, looping all over the place. The janitor has started vacuuming. The library will soon close for the night. It is time to pack her things and say goodnight.