”…I didn’t understand then…that I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.” I am a huge Murakami fan and read and enjoyed “South of the Borders, west of the Sun”…
Today, by mom, brother, Petit Joel and I sat in a café and I saw a framed picture of this African proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child” and it made us all think about it. I could not really connect with this…
I have lost some weight (yay!) because of my new eating habits and thought about starting running again more often or taking some Yoga classes to get back in shape. I enjoy running a lot but Yoga helps me to relax more. I searched for Yoga classes in my neighborhood but haven’t found anything I really enjoy or what would work with my University schedule next semester.
I remember the time when I tried Bikram Yoga for the first time in New York. I thought, let’s try this, I thought. Could be awesome, I thought. With a blue yoga mat and my yoga outfit I was on time for the first session. The teacher told us to “relax” on the floor on our mats until all the students were here. I remember, I walked there directly from college so I was tired, exhausted, pretty numb and it was late in the evening. While I almost fell asleep on my mat I reckoned that this will be a nice, relaxing Yoga session even though I saw half-naked people all around me. It is New York after all. This is fine. Nothing is weird. I remember, one woman at Yoga practice who put honey and oil all over her body before she put her pants and shirt back on. If anyone would have worn a Krusty the Clown outfit throughout this Bikram Yoga Session , it would have been fine; honestly.
At this point thought, I thought that Bikram Yoga means something like swinger-club-atmosphere because everybody took off layers and layers of clothing suddenly. I was still on my mat and observed what will happen next. I also removed my glasses pretty quickly [which made me blind as a bat] because the room had gotten severely HOT it seemed. Where is the comfortable incense or the candle? My little water-filled KleanKanteen bottle sat patiently next to me. Suddenly, it had gotten even warmer in the room. My pupils and even my sweat sweated. It felt like my intestines were on fire. Downward facing dog… what did I sign up for? The instructor who was also almost naked just stood on a little platform it seemed, giving instructions to us via headset. He just constantly mentioned that we all need to feel our breath and keep listening to it. I just whispered to myself, “Just feel my pulse at this point, damnit!” My pulse sounds like my mom’s sewing machine that somehow found a way to live in my intestines. Is this healthy? Is this good for me? Additionally, I feel a bit dizzy or on the verge to pass out – WHY is it so warm in here? I have to drink, I need water, water is life.
I pick up my water bottle while everybody else rests in “Child’s pose”. The bottle is gliding through my sweaty hands like a bar of soap. Water, I need more water. This heat is killing me. I thought about melting icebergs, antarctica and so much more – this room was boiling. I looked around and these half-naked people in all these crazy yoga positions. I have taken yoga classes for a long time, and wondered if they are in pain. At this point, I continued with my “Happy Baby Pose“. I feel better. I feel I can reach body parts that I could not touch a couple of days ago. If the surrounding would be a little different however, I would be happier and more comfortable. The instructor now told us to “feel us” and “feel deep inside to find our true selves”. “What does he mean; what is his point, why do I need this, “I thought and asked myself back then. I did not know any better.
The only thing I felt were muscles,bones and my whole body on fire at this point. Maybe this is it after all. I have done it. I survived this Bikram Yoga class and it wasn’t that bad after all. All my muscles and bones are back in their place again and I feel awesome. Finally, Shavasana – resting on the back after the workout and reflecting; diving deep into your own self. I like that. Laying on my back, eyes closed and hanging out with a bunch of thoughts that I should not even have had at this point because thoughts are “LIKE CLOUDS! LET THEM COME AND GO” – the instructor screams though his headset. “Why does he have to scream all the time”, I think while at the same time my eyes were closed and I fell asleep for a couple of minutes. He then walked around quietly without saying anything anymore. This is when I relaxed the most. In total quietness even though others breathed half naked and heavily next to me. I was at peace with myself.
Christmas is over and was super quiet and low key this year. The only thing that bothered us was to fight this crazy cold we caught since our arrival in Germany. Petit Joel started coughing, sneezing and had some sinus issues but was okay otherwise.…
“Any old fool can find something to moan about, but it takes skill and effort to see the good in life. Being happy requires strength and intelligence.” – Gala Darling What does our true deep self long for? Is it our awareness and somehow the…
I love to eat. Food, food, food. Since my gallbladder issue, I have been in a food transition to a mix of raw/vegan/vegetarian mostly. I haven’t had an attack for three weeks so I reckon I do something right. Overall, I feel great and I even enjoyed some of the food we prepared for Christmas today. I am completely honest here; I did indeed a bit of an eye roll here and there when I saw everybody eating sausages, meat and whatnot but then again, I never want to feel this severe pain again so I rather opted out. (owt!)
I have more energy since I changed my eating habits and I know that I do not want to have surgery to have my gallbladder removed. This is why I even consider a complete change of my diet, just to avoid living without it. I have seen a “specialist” recently who told me everything about a gallbladder removal and how I can, after one week of recovery, eat everything I want again and continue life the way I did before. I expected a bit more of this consultation; especially, that this particular doctor would have told me of possible options so I won’t need surgery. All they really want is to remove things of my body as fast as possible it seems. Isn’t it all about money anyway?
My diet was actually pretty good before I have gotten sick. However, cutting out certain fatty foods makes me feel less tired and sluggish. My beloved camembert had to stay on the cheese tray tonight. In a nutshell: What I am trying these days is to cut out as many fatty foods as possible and to detox with green smoothies every morning. I have this overall feeling that my body is cleaning. Sometimes, it just feels good to kick out the garbage and junk, even though it is Christmas and all the food in the world is available to indulge in, I reckon. It is not that I am ever dying for french fries or anything specific, right? I don’t need junk food or high oil foods. What I don’t want to live without though is pho and sushi which I can still eat. And as long as my intestines don’t feel weird I think I figured out a good rhythms that works well for me. I am getting thinner but I don’t feel weak, instead stronger. I cannot see into the future and I really don’t know what will happen or how I will feel after whatever I eat these days but right now the improvements have been good and somewhat completely undeniable. So for now, I will stick with this diet because I feel good and steady but I also know it changes my life which is also pretty exciting.
Besides the food issue, I hope your overall mood tonight was great. Christmas and the entire family being together in one house sometimes might be rather challenging. Everybody has their issues. There might be anxiety, stress, rollercoaster emotions, the occasional fight and argument here and there and whatnot. But it is all good. I just do whatever feels okay for ME. What makes me happy and content. I am signing off now, making myself another cup of tea, reading a bit and then going to bed. Life is good, comfortable and calming these days. I hope it is for you, too.
I have a lot of downtime these days which is great. I was looking forward to it; especially to hours and hours of reading. Downtime also means daydreaming which is actually pretty therapeutic to me. More than sitting on the magic couch in my living…
I walked around in Coburg a bit while I waited for my friend Mischa because we wanted to meet at the Christmas Market. I picked up my glasses at the Eyeglass store Fielmann because Petit Joel scratched mine pretty badly. The salesperson told me initially it will…
I am back to my regular writing mood, (not Systemic Functional Linguistics MOOD) which feels so awesome. I have read through a plethora of emails I received that just waited patiently in my inbox for weeks now. Readers usually ask me questions via email (info@sometimesraw.com) instead of commenting on the posts directly which is fine. Either way, I love to interact with my slowly growing reader-community being happy that you all enjoy my blog and what I have to say.
I selected a bunch of questions that came up and I am okay with to answer. There were some really private ones as well that are actually nobody’s business, hah! People want to know crazy things! [What panties I am wearing, if any? Seriously?] So let’s just get to the questions. Not to the panties. Enjoy.
“Jo [her husband] and I are happy, I say, my voice unsteady. We’ve had our ups and downs like all couples, but we’ve managed to get over the bad times. We have two lovely children, a pretty little house, friends, we go on holiday twice…
