.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Saturday! 

“Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to be truly affected by things.”

Love is the only real life purpose and the only thing that should really matter, I reckon. This afternoon my father, brother, his girlfriend and I went to the movies and saw Independence Day 2. Pretty good and entertaining – but we liked the first one better. To see my brother and Nadine together is so sweet. To love, to be love and to give love. Love has many interpretations and can mean so many different things. Isn’t love what makes the world go round? Isn’t it, that if there is no love, there is just sadness? I believe that at the end of the day, this is all we seek. I am lucky to have found the one to be happy with, to hold his hand in the movie theater and want to spent my life with. 

I think that deep inside, everybody would love to experience this. Unconditional love. It is beautiful to see it, however. To have seen both today so open, tender and in love makes me happy. 

Walking around and being love, thinking about le husband and missing him deeply from my heart, observing others smiling, seeing the sunshine and being happy to have had a perfect healthy day is so beautiful. Nothing else matters to me.  It feels good. It is what keeps me going. 

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

I wrote with a Facebook friend the other day and the word “motivation” popped into my head after. He asked me how it is possible to write every single day and how I find time to do so. Well, I just take the time. Obviously, it is not that easy with an almost three year-old toddler but it is manageable. It will also try my best to write daily posts while traveling in August and while studying in September. I cannot promise that it will be daily, but again, I will do my best. Simply because I love it so much. It makes me happy every single day to type along – either here, or while working on my book. I have this attitude with pretty much everything in my life. Whatever I want to do something, I do not waste time and start it. 

We have all been at this point in our life when some big project is around the corner and instead of starting it, you delete your “friends” on Facebook, defrost the fridge, clean your closet, write your grandmother a letter, think about going to the gym but the couch is so damn comfy and so much more fun stuff. I remember when I studied for the Bachelor finals and waited until the last night to cram everything into my brain. Not working! I clearly remember this aggressively blinking cursor whenever a paper was due next day. This is life.  I learned from my previous mistakes. Not all of them, but many. When I had a lot going on it was really tough. I usually worked 8-4 – 40 hours a week and I went to college full-time on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday for 4 years. How did I do it all? Honestly,  I had no friends anymore; sometimes I did not know if it was day or night. But I went through it. I stayed motivated for all those 4! years of college. There were many days when I wanted to quit but I kept going. I rested whenever possible, but I also partied (not much) and I especially took care of myself. For example, whenever I came back home from school on Saturday, I chilled. I took my time walking back home, bought coffee, went to a bookstore, had dinner at a restaurant that looked nice and that I discovered on my way back home – cool NYC- moments, you know. I watched a movie in the evening, read, had my glass or (three) of wine and was up bright and early on Sunday to get all my assignments done and study. I balanced it out nicely. 

There were times when I wanted to bury my head in the sand but I stayed motivated because I thought about the result in the end. How I will end up with my degree, the learning experience, the road I traveled to get it all accomplished, professors who were awesome and of course spring break, summer break, school holidays and all the other breaks. What we should not do, however, is keeping our head in the sand and to pretend it is not happening – or being irresponsible of what is going on. If you go through life like this you won’t ever see progression in the work you do or more importantly in yourself. 

Here are some tips how I dealt with working full-time and college for four years. These can also be applied to really anything else in life. 

Always find some stress free, quiet time to zone out. Music, a glass of wine, walking to school with great music on my iPod back then and find a routine that works well for you. On my break, I went out for lunch, sat in the park and chilled. When I came home from school, I made myself a cup of tea and since le husband came into my life, a hot crepe with cheese was waiting for me and the tea had been replaced by a glass of wine before I worked on one or two more assignments until late at night at times. 

Be prepared. I sometimes set my breakfast table in the evening so I have more time in the morning to read something for school or work. It is mostly just a matter of taking actions to make your life easier in a stressful time. By maximizing my time in the morning, when I am most creative, I get things done. Even these days, I work on my blog, book, read, research and get tons done before my son wakes up. Putting off things for later in the day usually never works for me and I even end up not doing X, Y and Z because of X, Y and Z. I got a planner/journal and put everything I needed to take care of, study or prepare in it so I was up to date with all my assignments and papers. A nice journal kept me motivated even more. And a nice pen or pencil. Also pencil sharpener and smelling pencils after I sharpened them. I am weird, I know. [My good friend and colleague at work got me an electric pencil sharpener and I was the happiest ever for months! Thank you KENNY!]

Simply do it. As I told my friend, this is how I do it. I sit down and write. Be motivated and committed. This applies to whatever it is you are doing. Running, writing, drawing, school. cooking, dancing….. do it! That is really all it takes. If you start with 30 minutes of anything you need to do every single day, you will get into the groove and establish a productive habit. I also seek inspiration and am open to new things. Here I am not talking about being on Pinterest for hours or on Instagram. There is inspiration everywhere else. I go to a museum, meet a friend, a new café, a new restaurant, gallery, library or search some cooking websites. Experiencing something fresh and new always does magic for me and I get creative. It breaks my routine (which is fine!) and lifts my spirits. 

I had an interesting conversation with another student once. He sat next to me and told me that he cannot wait to graduate so he can finally read whatever he wants to read. I just looked at him and told him that I go to the bookstore to get myself a new book today after class. A book NOT college related. Simply reading for pleasure. He looked at me puzzled, gave me the side-eye and shook his head.

I am human after all, and giving myself time to be exactly that makes me excited and I want to jump right back into this game (or show) we are all playing whenever the time is right. 

Hello and Happy Sunday!

“What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us wind up in parentheses. “Goodnight you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.”

The Cider House Rules was my first novel by John Irving and kept me speechless when I finished it. I love those times when a book keeps my interest and makes me stay up all night to discover more or even finish it. At points I was totally immersed in Homer Wells’s world because of the very persuasive tone Irving used. 

Dr. Wilbur Larch is a physician and director at St. Cloud’s Orphanage in Maine and raised Homer Wells from birth. I first could not believe everything Irving talked about when he explained about orphans, adoption, abortions and certain rules in those times that did apply to troubled mothers who were in need of help – help with illegal abortions, deliveries or giving the babies away to the orphanage for adoption right after birth. Homer Wells, who received his name by Dr. Larch, has been places with families several times; however, something always went wrong and they brought him back to the orphanage. Either he cried to little, cried too much – he ended up back with Dr. Wilbur Larch. 

“Being afraid you’ll look like a coward is the worst reason for doing anything.”

As Homer grew older, Dr. Larch meticulously trained and made him his assistant. Homer learned and understood more and more about pregnancies, which made him eventually stop helping Dr. Larch with abortions. Homer left  the orphanage when a young couple came to visit Dr. Larch to determinate their unexpected pregnancy. They told him about an apple orchard where they work and enjoy life close by the ocean. Initially, Homer wants to stay for a week or two to learn about orchard work and life. He stayed longer to discover himself and the world. [I thought this was odd for Homer to leave with this couple just like that. They just met each other.] Whatever Dr. Larch told him about life in a very old-fashioned way,  did not turn out to be true after all. Homer discovers that there is a lot of evil and tons of temptations and so much more to learn. He figured that Dickens’s Great Expectations, David Copperfield (for the boys) and Jane Eyre (for the girls); the books he used to read to the orphans every night, was the real world. 

Homer discovers love at the orchard and a lot more which makes him stay longer and work at the orchard. When he finds out that the orphanage plans to replace Dr. Larch, who is addicted to ether and is getting too old to perform surgeries, Homer thinks about going back to work as a doctor. What will happens next and will he eventually return to the orphanage? 

Overall, this book is phenomenally written, beautiful, superb, sad at points, moving, tragic and satisfying with extraordinary powerful imagery. I love how Irving makes all the characters interact with each other, how they describe their experiences, reflect, love and discover. 

Get the book here. Not in the mood to read the book? Watch the trailer to the movie if you would like. The movie is fantastic as well. Enjoy and have a great week.