.SOMETIMES RAW.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.” – A. A. Milne 

It has been pretty quiet around here for a while and honestly, I don’t like it. Paper writing and demanding course work took the best of me for the last several days but slowly, things are winding down and I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Writing and reading for pleasure are in reachable distance. What has been bothering me more than anything recently is this unbearable pain in my gallbladder. I wrote a post about it about a month ago and I was pain free ever since. However, certain food choices caused this intense pain that knocks me down to come back and I was barely able to get back up. 

I pan-fried tofu the other night to eat it with a sandwich and salad which is nothing crazy in the first place. Shortly after I ate it, the pain started on my right side (gallbladder, liver etc.) all the way through my back and made me curl up in a fetal position on the couch. My magic couch. The place where I am the happiest in the house. As I was curled up and in this unbearable pain (I was close to call 9-1-1), I counted seconds, minutes and hours. I tried to read, but I could not concentrate. I tried to watch documentaries to distract myself for a while but it did not work too well either. I just felt like I should be able to make this pain stop somehow and function normally again, you know? A couple of slices of pan fried tofu could do this to me, while I lay down struggling to think straight. Wasn’t I always able to fight off anything? Whenever Petit Joel brings home germs from daycare, I would sometimes feel a bit weird for half a day or a day, but in the end of it, I would be fine. Don’t I eat pretty healthy on a daily basis? 

So I spent the night on the magic couch. I started out in the bedroom and dragged myself downstairs eventually. Here, I have more light, more air and I am closer to water and tea, which was the only thing I was able to drink or “eat”. Over night I started feeling worse and thought about what I should do with Petit Joel. The best thing would have been to just call an ambulance but I think and worry too much (German?) about my son and simply thought, “I can do this. I am able to manage this pain”. And I was. But it was tough. [In hindsight, I should have called an ambulance, especially when thinking about my son]. I slept maybe half an hour in the most uncomfortable positions that somehow made my exhausted, tired body rest. I am pretty good with pain (tattoos, c-section etc.) but this was something else. You know what I am talking about if you ever experienced gallbladder infection/gallstones and whatnot. This pain is no joke! And the scariest thing is, that it came out of nowhere. Just like that! I was not prepared. 

I managed to get Petit Joel ready for preschool the next day, drove there and dropped him off. I don’t know how I did it; it is all somewhat in a blur. Then I saw the doctor (again) and they referred me to a specialist. They basically told me that if this happens again, my gallbladder has to be removed because it can rupture. Yikes! “Then you would have like 30 minutes to live, Mrs. Henry. How did you even take this pain all night long”? “Yeah, don’t even ask,” I answered, while I held my right side and wiped away a tear or two. I know that this is not a sinus infection and that it will just pass; sort of like take some antibiotics, sleep it off, drink some tea and you will be fine. 

I am just going to keep moving forward; as I always do. That’s all I can do. I have to be strong and healthy for myself first and Petit Joel. We pretty much only have each other here. He knows and understands when I am feeling really bad. He feels it and does not move away from my side for one second. It is so cute! I dragged myself upstairs to the bathroom and he followed me, without saying anything. He followed me to the basement. He brings me a blanket and kisses me.  I know, wiping away another tear right now.  It was really that bad being on the magic couch with him and high fever while my body tried to fight the infection hard. But he was there. Someone was there. 

And then the pain stopped. Three days later. It was gone. Just as sudden as it came. So what can I do now? Hope that things will get better? Diet changes? Continue as I was doing and hope for the best? I have another appointment with a specialist next week, so I will see what he has to say. In the meantime I drastically changed my diet. That’s all I can do for now. And hope that each day gets better. I realized again, how important friends are in times like this. Like real friends, you know. Those you can count on; those who are there for you no matter what. Even at 2 am in the morning. Of course the gallbladder issue happened the day le husband left again; duh, go figure. 

Today, I just wanted to pop in and say hi and share what’s going on these days with me, myself and I. The semester is almost over and I am proofreading my final papers and working on the last one. Hopefully, I will have more energy to write again more often and I guess I will when I relax in Germany with my family soon before the new semester starts in January. As I mentioned, I will write an entire blog post on my new “forced” eating habits and hope I can have some cheese again soon. The doctor actually told me to even stay away from avocados. Well, what can I do. I guess a positive side effect is that I am losing weight? Not really though when it is due to sickness, so disregard. I am thinking about sharing my eating habits and my new diet and how this gallbladder madness progresses. On a side-note: I tried to have a bit of my favorite Roquefort cheese tonight and it did not turn out too well. :/ I should just listen to the doctor who told me to cut out ANY animal product for the next weeks. I am signing off. Miserable; however, pain-free. 

Daniela on the magic couch. 

Thanks to HarperCollinsCanada and the publisher for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review. I have read “We are Water” and “She’s Come Undone” by the author which attracted me to Lamb’s latest book “I’ll Take You There”. This does not affect my opinion of the content or the book in my review.

“I step out of the scene and onto the stage, relived to exit that confusing an difficult day – to relegate it one again to my past” – Wally Lamb 

Wally Lamb has created a sometimes fun and thoughtful novel that is very different from his other works. Felix Funicello (introduced in the Lamb’s novellas Wishin‘ and Hopin‘) is the main character in I’ll Take You There. Funicello is divorced, a father and a film scholar who explores the relationships with the women in his life and how they all shaped him in a certain way to who he is today. The novel has been written very lighthearted but at some points even surprisingly deep about women and how they have effected him. What I did indeed like about the story was that it provides a look into the different choices women make in life and the consequences they face – which is also depicted throughout Funicello’s family history along with strength, resilience and power of women. 

The main plot without spoilers: Felix Funicello, a film scholar, who runs a Monday night movie club at a theater is setting up a film one evening in his film booth and is confronted by the ghost of Lois Weber who is a director from Hollywood’s silent film era. Lois, the ghost, invites Felix to revisit or relive some scenes from his past – and they are projected is some way onto the movie theater’s big screen.

In addition, the reader will learn about family secrets, politics, feminine ideals while the author even touches upon Hollywood iconography. Further, it becomes clear how Felix will be enlightened while he understands at the same time what some of the women really close to him had to go through in their life. 

“I’ll Take You There” is a very light-hearted, somewhat humorous book while there is still a bit of darkness, confusion and despair noticeable at points. If you liked his previous novels, you will dive right into a wonderful tale of reconciliation, love and of course forgiveness. 

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

If you followed my blog for some time, you might have realized that I am obsessed with reading and books. Also, I am at my “happy” [What is happiness?] place when I enter a bookstore; especially independent ones. When I moved to Ottawa not too long ago, Petit Joel and I discovered our new neighborhood and I was delighted and in awe when I walked into Black Squirrel Books. What a gem of a bookstore. With my never ending list of books that I want to read, it comes in pretty handy to find so many second-hand editions while browsing through the shelves upon shelves of amazingness.  

The bookstore specializes in academic non-fiction, in buying and selling used books of merit but there are many different genres available. You will find books on History, Art, Biographies, Fiction, Sociology, Children’s books, Manga’s, Psychology, Philosophy and so much more. 

I love the unique and cozy setup by only somewhat separating the books and the café area. Comfortable arm seat reading chairs located close to the entrance/window area let you take advantage of reading close to a bookshelf (to simply grab another book) and people watch while sipping a cup of latte. This simplicity yet the pretty array of decorations found throughout the bookstore make it feel like I am at home and just give this comfortable feeling to stay here forever and never leave. 

The food menu is kept to just a couple of simple items which I prefer. [Try the latte and the little tarts that they warm up for you! – also the brownies!] Other than that you might enjoy an Espresso, a cup of Kushmi Tea, Iced Coffee or tea. 

Black Squirrel Books is an independent store, and prices reflect that. You will find first editions or signed copies of books significantly under the normal market price. So if you are in search of a screaming deal on books, you know where to go now. Also, you basically select your books of a seemingly sheer volume of used books. Oh, this awesome smell of used books [nerd talk]. You can easily lose yourself in all the books, which is basically exactly how I like to spend a day/rainy day/snowy day/every day. It is a great place to study and write as well. [I am actually sitting in the bookstore now while I am typing this and I was able to write two papers for University earlier!] 

Weather permitting, there is also a dollar cart outside the bookstore to pick up a great copy and browse even more. Being a somewhat regular here I have to say that it is very easy to approach the book-loving staff and get a great book recommendation or have a little philosophical chat. 

I am a fan of supporting local businesses, especially those who are about literature and education rather than buying my beloved books in “big-name bookstores” or online. I love that, these little independent bookstores are just very personal and not commercial. 

Basically, this is just my idea of the perfect sanctuary – tons of cheap books in a comfortable environment. Enjoy some more pictures if you would like. 

Opening Hours

Monday – Friday: 8 am -9 pm

Saturday: 9 am – 9 pm

Sunday: 9 am – 7 pm

1037 Bank Street,  K1S 3W9

Call (613) 422-9050

Happy reading, everyone! Stay connected with Squirrel Bookstore on their Facebook Page. Check out the homepage here. Do you know of any other independent bookstores in the Ottawa area that you can recommend? I would love to hear from you.