.SOMETIMES RAW.

My friend Julia from Germany told me that despite everything that is happening in my life these days, I still keep my humor. “How do you do it,” she asked.  This made me think about humor. For example, why is a funny, shirtless drunk bachelor party dance hysterical but a funny sailor dance confusing? Why is a clown funny at a kid’s birthday party but a  clown showing up with balloons in a sewer trying to give you back your little floating boat terrifying? Is it funnier if you know the person who is sinking in quicksand rather than if it is a stranger? Why is it funny to read Captain Underpants stories and the mischief these boys do to my son but not Struwwelpeter?

How long should you laugh at your boss’s joke? One minute or half an hour? Should you keep mentioning the joke throughout the day? What does it mean to have a sense of humor? Can this be taught or learned? In theaters and movies: Must there always be a tragedy when it is a comedy? It is tragic when someone gets struck by lightning and dies. But if your friend would be struck by lightning and he would be okay but his hair is smoking, would it be okay to laugh? Why does my son laugh every single time I drop something and it breaks? Why does he usually never laugh when he drops something and it breaks? Why does he also laugh every time I put on a t-shirt with a logo backward but he never laughs but gets frustrated when he puts his t-shirts on backward and upside down?

Why is it boring or disturbing when your friend Brian tells you that his wife left him but you are laughing when you find out that she left him for another man called Brian? Did Vikings tell each other jokes and were they gentle? Do Danish or Norwegian people have humorous (freaking scary) fairy tales like Germans do? Does it come naturally that we laugh and point at something or do we learn this from our parents? On the other hand, can somebody with no sense of humor be taught humor? Why is it so embarrassing when my son laughs at an elderly man who lost his wig and looks like Captain Underpants?

Is there humor on other planets or are these aliens so advanced that they simply laugh at how dumb we are and what we do to our planet? Why is it funny if someone slips on a banana peel but not if someone chokes on a banana peel? Would it be funny if someone, instead of finding a message in a bottle finds a tiny clown with balloons? Or a banana peel? Are there examples of something true and funny at the same time? Kinda like, “Dude, your head looks like a watermelon today?” Should a stand-up comedian who tells jokes and nobody laughs be entitled to drink for free that night? Is it funnier to observe a father trying to get a kite up with his son when there is no wind or is it funnier to see him trying to get the kite down from a tree with a stick while standing on a ladder destroying it? It is funnier to watch a family trying to put up a beach tent when there is strong wind or watching the tent fly into the lake with pizza cartons in it? Do bees have a sense of humor? Is their punch line stinging people?

I am wondering if there will ever be a time when we won’t have this feeling to laugh anymore. Will this time ever come? Then again, if Frodo can get the ring to Mordor, I can stay positive and funny throughout all this mess I am dealing with, too. And keep smiling at it all. This is important.

A friend just sent me this link and I wiped away a tear or two.

I would like to share with you ten things I no longer buy in an attempt to make my life easier and less cluttered. These are things I stopped buying and of course, you don’t have to stop purchasing those if they make you happy. This is just food for thought and ideas if you are thinking about things you can live without or buy less of. Also, if you intend to save some money,  live a little bit more minimally then hopefully you will resonate with one or two of these things I want to share.

The first thing I no longer buy are clothes that I don’t love. I am shopping with this thought in mind that I want to actually wear this item over and over, regularly and long-term. I really like to have items in my wardrobe that are versatile, and that can be worn in many different ways. Something that I avoid doing is buying clothing that are one-offs or that can be worn only by itself and don’t match other items I own very well. The next items I stopped buying are purses and handbags. I used to love shopping for handbags and had a bunch of them in different sizes, shapes, styles, color, and even expensive brands but I really thought about downsizing and getting one much smaller size purse that fits the simple things that I want to carry around and stick with that. What I love most about having just one small size purse is that I only carry in it what I need which is not a lot. Think about what we really need!  It sort of forces me to take only the essentials like my wallet, a lipstick, my small moleskin journal and a pen. Just the bare necessities and this is what I need and prefer doing.

The next item I stopped buying is a large wallet. All I have is a small, rectangular size wallet for a couple of reasons. I don’t have dozens of cards, credit cards, and point cards, and coupons. I don’t even know what people put in their wallets these days. I am also that type of mother who does not have pictures of her son in her wallet. Is this still a thing? I used to love purchasing wallets, especially the big ones that zip around and hold all my stuff. I just no longer have a use for that or need it. And a larger wallet would not fit in my tiny purse anyway. Another thing I stopped purchasing is jewelry. I no longer buy jewelry the way I used to and I have actually never even been a big jewelry wearer strictly because I don’t find jewelry comfortable, I don’t want things around my neck or wrist and I don’t like earrings dangling on my ears. Sometimes I love to wear a tiny pair of earrings that I have that I got a long time ago but other than that I don’t buy it anymore. Hence, I don’t have a jewelry box that stores tons and tons of pieces in it.

The other thing that I stopped buying is souvenirs,  knick-knacks, and collectibles. Any time I am traveling, I have no interest in stopping at a gift-shop to buy stuff to display in a cabinet or around my house. I don’t even have a cabinet. Or a house. My memories are in my head. And if they are fading or I cannot recall, then they are not that important in the first place. The next things I stopped purchasing are pre-made sauces and dressings. Years ago, I always used to buy those out of convenience, to make salads or to cook with but studying what the ingredients are I rather leave them in the store. I rather prefer to make things homemade because it is so easy to do and I know what is in it. It is also so much better for me because these packaged foods are loaded with ingredients I cannot even pronounce, chemicals, artificial flavors, preservatives and other additives such as colors.

The next thing I have stopped buying are hand/body/face lotions, shaving creams, creams, peelings, toners, and moisturizers. I just use a couple of simple oils such as jojoba oil or argan oil. I add essential oils to some or I buy them in a blend and I use them for all of those things. They work fantastically as a hand cream, facial moisturizer, an all over body moisturizer or work as a shaving cream as well. I sometimes use some coconut oil that I have in my cupboard to cook with and it is just as good. The next item I have also completely stopped buying is body wash. I used to love or actually prefer body wash in plastic containers but I no longer do. What I instead buy now are bars of soap. I really like the company Soapworks because they have all kind of, very simple, clean, different type of soap bars that smell amazing while using organic ingredients.

Another thing I have stopped buying or buying into is sales promotions and coupons. Those things I pretty much never agreed to or sign up for. Any time when I am at a store and they ask me for my email address or phone number to tell me they send me an email for 15% off for my next purchase, I never agree to it. Don’t ever feel obligated to this. I used to. I used to have an email inbox loaded with promotions and discounts that I never needed in the first place.

The last thing I stopped buying is things that I have not used up yet. I do think that stocking up certain things or purchasing items in bulk is useful and can actually be a good thing. But generally speaking, I do not like to have more things around than I am actually using or already go at hand. I don’t want to be tempted by a sale or advertisements that make me think I need certain items even though I do not. All this makes me live a more meaningful life with less clutter and fewer things to worry about.

(Artwork by Mamma Andersson, “Leftovers”)

For some reason, there is this sweet restorative innocence to waking up in the morning after a good sleep and discovering that something has changed overnight. It may be the avocado that ripened overnight after I placed it in a paper bag. Or the change of weather when it gets chillier and then super humid again. Or when thoughts have changed because they are allowed to do so. Like avocados. Or when dreams change and bad ones are replaced for good. 

These days, my son and I established a morning ritual that works really well for us. We speak about the dreams we had and in the evening while having supper we talk about the day and what happened. I realized that whenever I ask him what he did in school there is usually the same response every single day. “Nothing”, he responds. But when I ask him what was the most exciting thing and the saddest thing that happened he goes on and on and talks for a long time giving me all the details. (Find out more reading this book) 

There are many times in the evening when I sit patiently next to him on the couch and listen to more stories when he should be in bed already. Then he usually asks me what day it is tomorrow. The other day I told him, “Tomorrow is Thursday. Two more days and it is the weekend. It might rain again tomorrow but who cares because we have our umbrellas and rain boots. Then we may have a playdate with your friend. Then I make us supper and you can play with your trains. My son is always very calm when he knows what is going on; what is going to happen, what is planned and how we spend our time.

I don’t lie to him (except white-lies once in a while; they do not count), but the biggest lie I eve told him or even myself is that there would be time. A couple of years ago I received a message from my good friend in New York: “My husband is in intensive care and about to pass away after a motorcycle accident”, it said. Or my other friend who survived TWO cardiac arrests. Who survives TWO cardiac arrests? It was completely unexpected and I felt how I was about to collapse right there. It made me realize again that everything can end in one single second. Just the thought gave me mild panic attacks. 

So, everything I thought I knew about time changed right there and then. I also thought a lot about the word “forever” or “never” and I still think constantly about them. The odd thing is that as soon as some time has passed the thought of “everything could be over in one second” is not so present anymore. Life continues and everyday duties take over and time no longer feels mercurial, yet consistently urgent.

There is always tomorrow, I told myself. 

Other lies I used to tell myself were that I have time to do X, Y, and Z. Or that being someone’s someone means I have to delay all my desires and patiently wait. Or that I will really do this or that and be dedicated to getting it done yet postpone it again. These days I am thinking, “now or never” which was replaced by “maybe later”. This newfound knowledge to start and finish things and projects that I postponed, was afraid of or thought can wait, motivates me these days and it feels so good. It is all not as complicated as it sometimes seems. I just cannot lose perspective. It may be a little push in the right direction or the realization that I can accomplish anything when I just focus and stay on track. Other times, there is this pressure that is coupled with a somewhat significant f*****-up-ness of having to start all over again at age 37. I am wisening up, realizing what was and what is. Deep and shallow thoughts are disappearing and no longer compose and court me like deep and shallow breaths. I have avoided and not listened to myself for quite some time with such ease that even when obstacles started to present itself, I did not pay attention. My response usually was to simply adapt around it. Avoidance with a mix of smooth restraint can go very far especially when a partner has an obsessive interest in their own stories more than anything else. 

Looking closely at the bigger picture, this time in my life is another great challenge and learning process leading me in a better direction. Considering how I talk about this certain time now made me realize that I simply should stick to present tense. Today is Saturday. The moon is shining. I am writing. I am happy. After all, I am just here, bungling this imitation of life, trying to find new ways to survive. Don’t we all?