.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hi out there!

So, University has started as well as preschool for Petit Joel. We are still in the first week of adjusting, both of us indeed. It is a major change. Especially when they told me at the Graduate Orientation that I have to take a class that is only taught in the evening. No problem really; only if you have a child and no husband or family around. Duh! I desperately search for a babysitter in one day and with the help from a friend in class, I found someone to take care of Petit Joel. Needless to say, she did an awesome job. It is almost like having a grandma at home. So sweet and caring. Defiantly babysitter-jackpot here. She will be back next Wednesday! And I was so worried. “Will he be okay? Will he cry? Will he miss me?” It was the first time ever to have someone else in our house to take care of Petit Joel which was weird in a way. And he cried in the beginning screaming for me while I walked down the road. It did hurt, I won’t sugarcoat anything here. I heard him screaming,”I want my mommy, please!” which made me almost turn around. Motherhood is a bitch! I did not turn around. [I don’t want him to live in my basement at age 40 and play playstation. Eventually, he has to go to preschool and do his own thing!] As much as I love to have him at home, it feels so nice to have some free time. Running around Campus is the best, you guys. I highly recommend it. If you are passionate about something and it includes studying, do it. Don’t wait. 

Otherwise, he is doing really well at Preschool. He is still the tiniest in the group but holding up to the bigger guys like a pro. Making puzzles, painting and drawing, listening to stories and finally eating lunch there. I am so proud of him. It was all in all quite a big transition for him, too. Petit Joel was used to me, my cooking, my family and hanging around us all day long. Now he has to adjust, listen, obey sometimes and learn to share. I had a little meltdown this morning when he did not want to leave my leg and wanted me to stay with him. Out of a sudden, I had this feeling that something was in my eyes and the preschool teacher told me to just hand him over and leave. “Just leave,” she said. “We got this”. And she was right. No problems at all. He stopped crying, adjusted and played with the other kids. And he ate two plates of noodles and chicken for lunch. Awesomeness. Tomorrow he will stay for nap time and I will pick him up after my class finishes. So approximately 3 – 4 pm. I try to get some more readings done and keep him at the daycare. 

The weekend is around the corner so tons of time at the playground and together so I try to get as much work done during the week as possible. I love this Master Program. It is challenging but so worth it if you love languages. I don’t want to talk about what it is all about here but if you want to know more or how to apply to this program, send me and email or write a comment below. 

Today, I had been reminded of one life lesson again. Life is hard. Life can be tough, messy, raw and sometimes it just suck; but it is beautiful. Whenever I negatively think, it cannot get worse, it will get worse. Something else will come up or an emergency light will pop up on the dashboard of the car. Why? Just because. This is life.Deal with it. Figure it out. Fix it. Whatever you need to do. As long as you are healthy it is all good. Who cares about a little dashboard “refill some-stuff immediately-light” as long as you did not have an accident and you are okay? Just find solutions instead of whining about how bad your life and situation is. There are always solutions out there. Just find them. This is in a way le husband talks because he usually reminds me of those things whenever I am struggling. He is awesome, I know. Today was tough, today was painful so I thank him for being him, making all this possible for us and loving me unconditionally as much as I love him. Signing off now. Tomorrow: Preschool for Petit Joel and class for me at 8.30am. 😉 The early bird catches the worm, right? 

FYI, This glass of water is not for my teeth, Putzl. Just to drink; water rocks. 

Hey out there. Things are slowly winding down and the big day first day back at school is approaching. I am so excited about that. I love studying, university life and libraries! My brother left (sniff), le husband left (sniff, sniff) and I am getting ready for University. It is strangely quiet in the house while I type this. Nobody is drinking beer and I am not even in the mood for wine these days; or to go outside alone to sit by the river because it is just not the same without the people I love. 

After we dropped le husband off at the airport today [Ottawa Airport is the best airport I have ever been!], Petit Joel and I discovered our neighborhood more with the stroller. We filled the fridge with fresh local groceries (blueberries forever!), bought a small blueberry pie (duh!) and headed to the playground. He is so exhausted at this point that he did not ask for his watch, compass, calculator, tiny cars and keys – all those things he usually takes to bed. He simply passed out with his father’s flashlight in his hand. Cute. I love nights like this. At the playground I met Kathy, her two kids and husband just because Petit Joel played with their three year-old son the most. We hit it off from the first couple of sentences. For me, it is not easy to find other cool parents to hang out with. Many moms I met so far just talk about the shape and size of their kid’s poo, or baby yoga classes that they really needed to sign their three months old baby up for. Boooooring. Plus, I still have a brain, too. I read, I do things other than baby/toddler or whatnot all day. We will definitely meet again at the playground, for coffee or cake and just enjoy each others company while the kids play. She even lives very close by. Yay! First friendship in Canada: established. 

While I chased Petit Joel all over the playground I realized that I need to work out again. Not crazy, but I want to get rid of a couple of pounds I put on while traveling and enjoying life too much. I feel okay, but exercising regularly and eating healthier again simply makes me feel better.  I want to get in shape again, fitter and be outside as much as I can. Canada is just too beautiful to stay inside. [This sentence might change as soon as winter comes around, but I seriously doubt it] I also want to sleep better, drink more water to stay hydrated [whenever I don’t drink enough water, my skin is so dry it is insane] and stay away from alcohol. With the new semester approaching, I want my brain to be clear and focused and just take better care of myself. 

I was inspired to cook healthier and cut out meat completely for a while, when we visited the local organic health food store today. This store is like a small farmers market with fresh local groceries. I am researching local farmers market and any other organic food store around here. So much fun to explore. [And yes, I do miss le husband’s awesome BBQ nights at the Chalet; YUM] 

Whenever it comes to changes, I won’t completely deprive myself of all indulgences that make life fun, you know. It is really about moderation and balance. So my goal is to pay attention what I eat during the week. Lots of fresh, nutritious food. No sugar, alcohol and such. On weekends or special occasions I will have my two (three) glasses of wine and I will also sink my teeth into some fries and a burger when I go out with Petit Joel.  It’s life and splurging once in a while is fun. 

I would like to gain overall strength and be tones all over to just feel better inside and out. I realized how good I felt running after Petit Joel. Also my brother and I had this awesome basketball match for 1 1/2 hours. Whenever I focus more on my body and health I feel how much calmer I am. I also have way more energy, am happier and more productive. So I will finally publish this book I am working on. 

I am signing off for today and enjoy this sort of lonely evening with a good book that I bought at my new favorite, independent bookstore.  You all have a great (long) weekend. 

Je t’aime mon amour. I miss you so much. Counting the days, counting the days. 

Hello and Happy Friday!

I asked my son if he wants to see the world and he smiled and said, “Yes, Mami” which made my heart melt. He loves to travel. He adapts to everything. He does not need a routine yet, even though everybody tells me he does. My son will be in pre-school in September and I know he will be fine. But on the other hand, le husband and I are fortunate to give him this opportunity to travel and discover more than let’s say the next city. I am not judging here, whatever makes you happy. Traveling makes us happy, so we do it. I never want to look back at my life one day and think that I did have had the chance to do something and I did not do it because I was scared, did not want to break my routine or whatever reason. I did not regret leaving the German Police Force to join the United Nations in New York. Not one single second. It was the right thing to do and I would have regretted it all my life if I would have chosen to stay in my comfortable little life I had in Munich – and believe me, I had it all. Motorcycle, car, beautiful city, work, nice little salary but something was missing. It all did not make me happy. I went to work miserable most days because I thought that this cannot be it; this cannot be all. So I figured out ways to change it. Simple as that. And then I did it. Jumped in the cold water which sucked in the beginning but figured out a way to swim on a comfortable, steady pace. And this is what life for me is all about. What else I have been up to recently? Read on. 

Reading: A lot these days because we spent so much time in the car, too. I read and finished Nikolski by Nicolas Dickner which I loved a lot. My goal is to discover Chapter Bookstore and of course many independent bookstores in Canada these days and read books by Canadian authors. Next on my to-read list is Margaret Atwood’s The Heart Goes Last and I am excited to start it. I will finish it for sure and write a book review on one of the books I have read recently before my classes at University start because then I will read the assigned books first, hahaha! 

Watching/Listening: This badass Metal-Beethoven music clip. The girl is just seventeen years old. I also re-watched the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind with my daughter in law. Le husband and I saw this movie once and she just sat there with us in awe and loved it ever since. My very good friend Lisa told me about Neil Gaiman and his amazing books and audiobooks and believe it or not, I have never heard of him before; just because I am not into his kind of writing. “Why not try something new,” I thought and downloaded the Audiobook Neverwhere and listened to it on our move/road trip/storage madness to Canada. It was truly wonderful. Highly recommended and thanks again, Lisa. <3

Learning/Discovering: How challenging and awesome my Master studies will be. I was on Campus today to get some things sorted out and ended up in the department where most of my classes will take place and I am blown away by the Master theses I read from previous students. This does not discourage me, it makes me want to do better. 

Thinking About: Petit Joel’s first day at Pre-school. It will come up soon and I am so excited. He will be fine. I will be fine, but it is just such a big step having had him home or with me every day for almost three years. I know that this was a very fortunate, awesome time and I want to thank my parents again for all their help and love. I miss them. 

Looking forward to: the new semester and chapter in my life. Campus, University, classroom, studying, writing, reading, bookstores and libraries, new friendships and tons of coffee. All that good stuff and I must say, I did miss it since I last graduated. I also cannot wait for this movie – Morris from America to come out. And trying recipes from Andrea Duclos’s Cookbook The Plantiful Table. What an amazing cookbook. One of the best ones I own so far. And I have a lot of cookbooks! I also follow Andrea’s blog for a long time so maybe you will check it out too. She is awesome. 

And the best for last: My “little” brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit us tomorrow. Something different was planned initially, but did not work out. So we will have the best time here in Canada. Cannot wait to see both tomorrow. “One more sleep” 😀 Have a safe flight! 

Have a good weekend!