Hello and Happy Wednesday!
Whenever I want to do good things in this world I have to start by being my biggest fan first.
I remember the time when I was seven years old and we had to prepare an art project in school. We were supposed to built a house made out of paper rolls. Yep, sounds simple but it was not. In the end there was a prize that the student with the best house could win. I worked hard on this project for days. I was totally into building it. Slowly the house looked pretty awesome. I built and built. I remember we had two weeks to finish it and bring it to class. I even made a tiny door with a handle to open and close it. Perfection! I painted the entire little house in brown, painted the window frames in black and did not forget about to give some color to the chimney. Well, the house was done.
I took my house proudly to school the next day. I knew deep inside I would have the best house no matter what – that I would win. I worked so hard. I looked around in the classroom and almost all of my classmates brought in their projects. Some did not do finish it for whatever reason. I did not care really. And while looking around I could see that their houses were not even close to what mine looked like.
There is always one person in class that nobody like(s)d for several reasons. He was a bully, liked to beat us up and make us feel bad. He was also one year older than us and he always thought he was something special. Better than the rest in one way or another. However, he was not. He was lazy, rude, always came late to class and never did his homework. But today, he came to class with the most beautiful tiny house project I have ever seen. He carried it proudly and put it in front of him on his desk.
My best friend back then whispered secretly in my ear that she “likes my house way better and that someone definitely built this house for him. He does not even know how to tie his shoes”. He won. The teacher gave him the 1st Prize for his house. I got nothing. I was devastated because the teacher even asked him if someone helped him and the classmate-bully answered that his dad helped him “a bit”. I cried at home, not in school. I was so proud of myself and my little house. I worked so hard. Put everything into it.
Eventually I learned to just accept the fact that others might get certain things in life before I get them. Undeserved sometimes, through connections or whatever else the reason is. I realized that I am okay the way I am and learned to love myself even though I might not be able to build the best house and win the prize. It has been a hard battle, but I won it eventually. I love who I am and what I am able to make and create. It is important to realize that because it is easy to all turn into a prison whenever I give too much power to things that I cannot change and question my own ability to accomplish things. I worried that I am not enough. That what I made is not enough after the classmate-bully won the contest. I was seven years old.
I learned that I know what I am capable of and that if I walk into a room I love who I am while I carry the little house I built. I am a fan of myself.
[On a little side-note while talking about art: This is my amazing artist friend Mischa who let my son play with paint and brushes today. I will write an entire article on him and his artwork soon. His work is fantastic. Stay tuned]
