And So I Write.

Well you’re in your little room and you’re working on something good,
but if it’s really good,
you’re gonna need a bigger room.
And once you’re in the bigger room
you might not know what to do,
you might have to think of
how you got started
sittin’ in your little room.  

-The White Stripes

My husband told me this morning that he missed my post on my website last night. Yep, I was tired and exhausted and went to bed at 9 pm. Now I am sitting in my brother’s room at my parent’s house and stare out the window. Writing daily feels good, I love it because it makes me feel good. These days however, I have some type of writer’s block and even though I have so many good topics in my head and drafts already written, it seems that my mind is blurry and tired. And usually when this happens, this song pops up in my head and while humming it almost silently and want to write again. Weird, I know. Writing daily for me feels real, good and successful in a way. I love to gather new stories but sometimes it is all so blurry. Slowly I found myself obsessing over post popularity, comments, page-views, clicks, likes and whatnot. It felt to me in a way that I am treating blogging (after almost one year) more like a type of business than what this all initially was supposed to be – my free public place of expression. I felt myself floating in a sea of memories, thoughts and ideas but it all was weird. My words felt forced. 

My little routine of blogging daily began to annoy me and I thought about doing it less and less. It was some weird shift and I felt that I write more for others than for myself. After much thought and talks with my husband I did realize again that all this is not about page-likes on Facebook. I want this blog to remain my little place of honesty, creativity and joy – nothing more, nothing less. I am proud of what I have accomplished over almost one year, especially all the reviews I have written. Initially, this blog was supposed to be book reviews only which I then decided does not work for me. I want a broader variety of things and topics and I need to move towards exploring more constantly. I want to experiment more with new subjects. I want to add photography for example. Anything we put our minds to we can do I believe. 

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
— Howard Thurman

The good thing is, there are no rules about blogging. I can write daily, weekly, whenever I feel like it and it is okay. I can add my own images or images from the web (of course giving credit to the owner) but it is all okay too. Or I can start my novel here. No limitations. I do realize that there will always be people who like what I do and people who don’t, and it’s okay. People who read my blog daily, and people who don’t. Whatever I want this place to be – I can change it. I shift my thoughts away from this obsession over blog-followers and such and focus more on what’s in my heart and my creative vision. There is a lot of growth coming up in the near future, as a family and of course personally and I believe that a shift in direction is a natural consequence. I had a conversation with my husband the other day and I asked him if he listens more to his head or to his gut when it comes to making decisions. He says, “To both!” My gut has a way to steer me int he right direction and my gut says to make my little voice heard and connect again simply because I have so much to say (I am a woman, hah!) 

So, I go back to the place where I feel most at home. With my words and thoughts. I feel how I connect again with myself and this true passion.  And I begin to write.