Hello And Happy Monday!
My blog is a daily lifestyle blog and I don’t really like this term. Initially, I started writing a bit here and there as a hobby but soon I realized that writing daily is what really makes me happy. Maybe seven months ago I purchased this one-year editorial planner which made it easier for me to keep track on what I want to write and what I have written. I also have a plan what I want to post at what day but recently I keep restarting and deleting drafts because I am just not sure this fits anymore. I felt it is not noteworthy enough. Blogging is just so strange sometimes.
Is this called writers-block? Most importantly, I don’t mind if anyone thinks my posts are just blahblah. I like what I write and what I talk about. I do my thing and what makes me happy. I am also fine with not having updated my blog with a new theme yet – I am still searching however, but not desperately. Also, it is okay for me not be be on Snapchat and all the other apps that are out there. I just don’t get comfortable with it and it drove me almost crazy. If I wouldn’t mediate [haha, I wrote medicate first. Medication would have been what I would have needed if I tried Snapchat one more time!] every day, I would be a complete mess by now. For me these days it is essential to find a balance that I feel most comfortable with. Reading, blogging, researching, keeping up with the latest “everything” while taking care of myself is tough sometimes. I just have too much love for this blog and what is has become by now.
On a different but not necessarily lighter note: my friend said the other day that some posts made me sound OCD. Well, if the Tantrum post was crazy to some, what does this entire post make me look? And maybe it is my obsession with books and reading that I have any iota of control over. I just love it so much. [You might need this information if you sign me in at Shutter Island!] It is always like this: some days are better and some are just the worst ever. My son has a cold since Friday night and his little snotty nose is driving me crazy. He woke up last night at 2am! screaming his little head off. I am wondering how long my heart takes this. Imagine sleeping safe and sound and out of a sudden you hear the loudest screaming ever. [Beware, he does not ever sleep in the same room with me. Hell no!] My oh so lovely child who usually sleeps through the night like an angel turned into a nightmare for the last couple of nights. He is perfect most of the time, seriously. But sometimes everything comes together and I do appreciate a much needed time for myself in the evening and at night. I am with him all day long. So last night I just walked back to my bed, sat down on my bed and cried. I felt alone, old and desperate for some sleep. [Well aware of his cold I had gone to bed before 11pm; but still.]
I also understand that he is the one with a cold and does not feel comfortable but c’mooooon at some point. The other thing is that I try the hardest not to get sick myself while being coughed and sneezed on all day long. Yay, to this strong immune system of mine. Still standing tall! As a mother, you have to get your stuff shit together. There is not time to get sick or to cry or to think back how “nice it all was before I had him/her”. It is just the way it is now. He is here! And he is sick. And he just screamed for apple juice. I will be right back…..
Since I am here in Germany I am able to get breaks from my son when I really need them. Don’t even ask about the time when I was alone with him in New York for a couple of months. Mothers always need breaks, right? And whenever I am apart from him I do miss him and I cannot wait to see and kiss his little face again. But sometimes I am just on the edge of losing my mind. Sometimes I do scream at him. Not very often but if I have to he is just not listening at all. [Usually this happens if I am not content and 100% myself!] When I scream at him, people may think that I now completely lost my shit. Afterwards, my son hugs and kisses me and looks up asking, “Why are you mad, mommy? I LOBYU!” Sometimes I have to do the best I can, smile and keep moving forward. I LOB him Too and there is no going back and it is all good the way it is.
Hi mothers out there. I would love to hear your thoughts. How do you deal with difficult situations? Do you scream and your children? Do you cry sometimes? What drives you crazy. I would love to hear from you.
