“Romantic love is not the only love worth seeking. I’ve met so many people longing to be in love with somebody, to be rescued from their daily lives and swept into romantic bliss, when all around there are children, neighbors, friends and strangers also yearning for someone to connect with. Look around and notice—possibility is everywhere.”
Hello and Happy Monday!
I received a bunch of questions after my recent post L’amour Fou. Readers told me that love is nice and sweet and that someone is lucky to have found “the One” they should most certainly stick with them. But they would love to know if I ever had a bad break-up and how I dealt with it or how I removed attachment to this past relationships. Well, let me tell you something. It all depends on who broke up with whom to begin with.
When he broke up with me, my heart felt like this frog in a blender. I loved this person so much and all he did was cheat on me with his previous girlfriend while I was in police academy during the week. Well, it was not even his previous girlfriend because I found out after that they never even called it quits. It hurt so much. Let me tell you I have tried to even forgive him and take him back. This just never worked for me because I always knew that the cheating-scenario was in the picture so eventually, we ended it. Not an easy break-up.
Then I realized that I just had a boyfriend and that we just broke up. I hate saying goodbye. When I broke up with this particular boyfriend there was the initial denial period when I realized in the evening that he is gone, or at night, or in the morning or at any time in between. It sucked. I tried to figure out how I could still make it work even though there was no way back. [He was back with his Ex for f**** sake!] The hours and days were endless in the beginning. I looked at my phone constantly. Maybe this damn thing beeps and he sends me a message that he wants me back or that he still loves me. None of those messages came. My family said: “Forget this loser. You are better off without him. He sucks. He did not even look good and he does not deserve you!” [I thought: “What do I ever deserve? What does anybody deserve?”] I did intellectually agree to my family and friends but I surely did not feel better. I put so much energy into something and then it is time to stop – which was so weird to realize. During this break-up I just stared at what happened. The entire time still I could not believe he really cheated on me. I searched the internet for anything on heart-break and break-ups to commiserate and I ended up with tons of music. I tried to make myself feel better in a very resourceful way. Emphasis on the word “trying”.
Friends told me that I did not do anything wrong which I did not believe. Maybe if I would have done something different he would be still with me, rather than with her. I missed him. He hurt me so badly. He betrayed me. It all sucked.The weirdest thing I thought was that this relationship was perfect. We took hand-holding to new heights. Love letters, roses, dinners you name it. I still wanted to stop it all and fix it even though it was over. “What the hell is wrong with me”, I thought while listening to this song over and over while tears were running down my face.
This German movie helped me a bit! And these tips below. Maybe you get some comfort, maybe some advice if you need it. Read on if you like.
1. Working out and listen to Yourself I chose jogging. It seriously helped me; it made me feel better. A nice side effect was loosing a bit of weight. Try Yoga or Mediation and connect to something bigger than this loser.
2. Remembering that I am okay the way I am. If he does not want to be with me, well f*** (forget) him. I am okay the way I am. He cheated, so f*** (forget) him ever more.
3. Talk to your friends but don’t listen to all of them. Your friends know you but you should know yourself better. Don’t listen to everything they say and think that everything they say is holy! Everybody is different. Some need a bit more time, others don’t. You know who you are and what is right or wrong for you. If you think a therapist an help you, seek some advice.
4. Listen to Modern Love. There are many others who go through the same thing as you do. Even worse break-ups.
5. Read. Go to your local bookstore and read something by an author you just discovered. Get a cup of coffee and try to keep your mind and heart off this person who hurt your feelings.
There is always a new day and I know the saying Time heals all wounds is one of the first things anybody tells you but it does work indeed. Eventually, the day looks a little brighter again, even though it is cloudy. And think about how you can spread out in your bed now. Yay! I know, you might still try to feel the other person with your foot and he/she is not there. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay it is not he end.” – John Lennon.
Finally, I would like to share a video of this gay couple that I thought was really well done. Enjoy!
