Hello and Happy Thursday.
It is funny that many want to hear relationship or marriage advice from me. Like if I have it all figured because I look so happy. Keep in mind that things are not always how they seem and that nothing is ever perfect. My marriage is pretty wonderful I have to say and my husband and I will celebrate our fourth anniversary this year. I have no rules in my marriage but one. Do not cheat behind my back. If you met someone else just go for it but tell me before. It might be hard but not as hard as if I would find out through some messages, email or lipstick stains on his shirt. So this is about it. I don’t want to change him and he does not want to change me. Simple. Over the years [this makes me sound so old and wise, hah! Far from it!] I did learn some things about relationships and marriage. Just things that are fine for me and some others that are not. As requested, here are 4 tips that work for us. [for now because we all change!]
- Love yourself and it does not matter who you marry. This is actually the title of a book (also available in German) that I read a long time ago and enjoyed it because it is simply true. Know what you want, know who you are (I am still working on this myself) and be happy. The author explains and shares how she saved her marriage by applying some simple rules and guidelines.
- Don’t take each others air to breathe. Well, my husband and I’s marriage is out of the ordinary. What is ordinary? That your husband comes home from work every night for example. That you live together or that he/she is around a bit more often than what we are working with for two years. However, I found that being apart has something awesome too. It spices things up. Every time we see each other again it seems we are on a date initially. Usually we are apart four weeks or so. We both plan on not living like this forever but for now we have to make the best out of the situation. I am not saying to send your husband or wife on a mission to Congo. No, but let your significant other breathe and do their own thing. Just because you live together does not mean you have to BE together 24/7. Everybody should have their space. This worked for us as well when we lived together before mission-life started. We all need time to recharge and be alone once in a while, no?
- Argue in style. Nothing is perfect. We already established that. And there are arguments or even fights in every relationship or marriage. But the key here is (or with anything really) to not go over the top. No cursing really – it is just not necessary. I am not even going into beating each othe. This should be a no-go in every relationship. We are all stressed out sometimes or had a rough day. There are also times when we feel grumpy and snappy and whatnot. Just don’t assume things! [Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME!] Ask politely what is wrong with your other half and don’t take it personally if he/she says they need some time alone to calm down. Just be polite and calm. I learned that the louder I get the quieter my husband gets. This usually works and makes me think why I even argue with him. Usually, arguments arise because I am not 100% myself at that time. I am working on it. Constantly. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.
- Discover new things together. When my husband and I are lucky to spend time together it is beautiful on its own. But for us it is important to learn something new. Read something new. Read something together and then talk about it. Travel and discover a new country. Go to the opera or see a movie we have not read anything about before. Binge-watch a series. Go dancing. Just don’t stop. Always evolve. But also discover on your own. See what interests you, see what you could try and maybe discover a new passion. Or just be. Together without doing anything while enjoying the silence. Since we have our son, things changed significantly. There are quite fewer date nights or restaurant visits but we realize that we can make it happen if we would love to. And it is necessary to just get away together once in a while. We both agree that we don’t want to lose ourselves and each other just because we have a child. I find it wonderful to still learn something new about him almost every day.
- Say “I love you” if you really mean it. Think about the words for a second. What does it mean to love someone? What is love in the first place? These three little words are spoken so easily but are pretty powerful and meaningful.
What have you learned about your marriage or relationship? I would love to hear from you simply because there is so much to learn.
