Hello and Happy Monday!
Sometimes I have this problem to turn my attitude around and I just stay miserable and annoyed all day long. Actually, I am in a weird, almost depressed mood since Sunday afternoon. It hit me when we left my sister’s place or more the awesome garden party of her parents in law. I just dwelled on negativity the entire ride back home but tried to hide it from my parents and my son. I just realized that I hardly ever write about negative or annoying things in my life. I tend to write about inspirational and positive things because this is how my life usually is. Funny, great, full of laughter and good vibes. I think it is important to mention that not everything in my life is happy sunshine and that I have real sad times as well and I am super moody at points. These are the time when everything is out of balance. Then one thing follows the next and it all ends in a somewhat micro depression. This feeling like I would be stuck in a toilet bowl and somebody keeps flushing and I cannot crawl back out.
Luckily, I am not suffering from depression but there are times in my life when everything seems to fall apart or there is just no positivity anymore. It does not last too long and I do get over this moodiness or sadness quickly but it does exist. It makes me realize that I am not perfect. Nobody ever is and nobody is happy all the time. Sometimes I just feel like crying my eyes out – like today. Nothing seems to work out and negative events keep on coming. This makes me frustrated and I would love to just curl up and not be bothered by anyone to try to find solutions. It is so difficult to find those positive sparks when more stuff is piling up and this “poor-me”-thinking is all that is in my head and I cannot cheer myself up. Well, my family, husband and son usually can. Through negative days like this however, I do appreciate the good days even more. I think it is just this choice that I have of being happy or sad but sometimes I just cannot help it and fall into this hole of negativity and complain about everything and the world. For me it helps to surround myself with people I can talk to, people who understand me, to write or to listen to music.
Also, I haven’t written a post in two days and I missed it so much. Yesterday I sat down to write but nothing of value appeared on the screen and I ended up going to bed even without reading. Wow, that sad! I really enjoy blogging or writing and to document my life here is fun and a good way to look back on it and reflect on family and friends. To have this creative outlet helps me to get all these thoughts that are in my head out into the world. Right now, I am thinking about you, the reader who sits on the other side of the screen. My hair is up in a messy bun, red lipstick and Chanel Mademoiselle on [Yay, Airport duty free!], my sweatpants and his hoody on while listing to Radiohead watching my husband fall asleep next to me. So, this is my side of the screen. There are just so many thoughts going through my head that sometimes I think it might explode.
Have you ever experienced “drinking-sadness”? This weird state of mind after you drink all night at a party and wake up the next morning with a headache and feel like you “never want to drink again” or “you never want to mix drinks anymore”? Well, I experienced this as well on Sunday after the BBQ. The evening was perfect. The next morning not so much. Saying goodbye to my siblings made it all worse and there I was – stuck in the hole of misery.
Now that my husband is back, things are so much better. I am more content. I am happy. We talked about traveling and “if not now, when?” popped up here and there. We had an awesome dinner outside in front of the house even though neighbors looked at us weird because according to them it was way to cold. I am imagining you out there now, reading all this and smiling. You are reading my thoughts and might think that I am weird to post these random thoughts about my life and my family. I think you have a lot going on in your life as well but you do take a couple of minutes to read what I have to say. Life is good the way it is even though there are some grey areas once in a while. And I have seen another door slowly opening while I crawl out of this toilet bowl. Nobody is flushing.
