Hello and Happy Monday!
What is the term you hear more often? Motherhood or Fatherhood? Yep, right! Motherhood. There are just so many topics on trying to balance work and motherhood and whatnot. I would love to hear more conversations that include both parents in one way or the other. Le husband came back home today and seeing my son all happy and content made me think about parenthood and that culture still expects certain roles for men and women. I have met many friends with kids who told me that they all try to be the best parent they can possibly be. And of course everyone’s fatherhood looks different. But why is it that fatherhood and motherhood still seems to look so different from each other?
When le husband came home I honestly don’t feel this significant difference from his parenting to mine. Of course we are petit Joel’s parents. And we both have one goal. To teach, nourish, protect (especially from all those cars that drive back and forth in front of my parent’s house) and love him. The way our life is for the last 2 1/2 years, I have to say that I physically did most of the work with our son. And of course, due to biology my husband was not able to let’s say breastfeed him for 13!! months. I truly treasured those times, even though it was very tough at points.
Le husband is gone for quite some time and when he does come back he helps me of course. He gets petit Joel ready every morning so I can take my time and do whatever I need to write or read and whatnot. He gets up at night when our son wakes up to calm him down smoothly. He takes him for a bicycle ride, plays soccer, makes him breakfast, lunch or dinner. Le husband is as skilled as a father as I am skilled in being a mother. It just works somehow. Everybody does it, things get accomplished. Even though sometimes I think that he should do this or that differently – which is just my perspective. His way works just as fine. This is just my experience of a stay at home mom and a husband who is unfortunately almost never with us. Wherever the husband is, and even if both parents work full-time I think it is possible to practice equal parenting. Sometimes all it takes is some shifting of responsibilities, or just letting go of certain set ways of how things “should be done” and communicating more.
The funny thing is when I tell people what I or my husband do for a living they look at me with big eyes. It is just so out of the ordinary for many that they cannot see how all this can work. How my son even recognized my husband and his father, listens to him or respects him. I know when people tell me that they could never do that they are usually still kind [mostly the ones that have children as well] and acknowledge what an incredible job it is to be a mother. And of course very hard work. It is a huge commitment and sacrifice, this incredible journey to prepare your child for this huge world when all you really want to do is just make sure that they are not sick, that they feel comfortable when their nose is stuffed and that their little heart beats normally.
When people ask me how I manage all this amount of reading and writing even though I have a child, I tell them I just do it. I find a way and I find time. And I am not even working these days. On a flip side, nobody mentions anything about my husband and how he deals with fatherhood and his work. No one even asks about the father’s abilities to figure the child-thing out because it is usually all about the mother. Why is that? The father just smoothly sails along, it seems. It would be awesome to answer questions how my husband deals with his career and family. How he changes diapers, if he knows what petit Joel’s favorite dishes are. Or how he wipes his nose when he is sick. Will there somehow always be this gap?
