Hello and Happy Tuesday!
I am still not feeling well. My throat hurts, my nose is stuffed and I have this overall tired and achy feeling. Nonetheless le husband and I put on our sport clothing and running shoes, took petit Joel and the running stroller to head outside. Fresh air is the best for me when I am sick [and sleep]. We started out at a normal pace which turned into fast-paced walking as long as I felt comfortable. Throughout this walk we talked. Le husband and I love to talk and discuss things. One thing that is/was on my mind for a while now are babies. Well, well, well, I am not pregnant but I thought I wanted to talk about it for a bit. While we walked through the woods I had this feeling of having the perfect little triangle family. We are a good team. We are the Home-Team that always wins. Why would I even think about another child.
Then of course there are good days and bad days. When my son throws a couple of tantrums the thought of another baby is so far away that the only thing I think about is running to my gynecologist to get a refill on birth control asap. Then my theory is, when he is so cute again an hour later, that babies and children just act like that to not be “killed by their parents”. If you have kids, don’t you think that this is the case as some point? And of course I thought that anybody who ever told me how bad it could be with babies, toddlers and whatnot are all liars. They exaggerate and these are just horror-stories. So, le husband looked at me and said, “Definitely, YES! We should have another baby. Even two more. We still are a triangle, even with a second one! We can do it all over again. I would love to!” I on the other hand am constantly thinking, analyzing, talking and undecided about the whole deal. One day I am full force into having another baby. This feeling like, “Yeah, piece of cake, we can do this. This is what I want!” And the other day more like, “Yeah, maybe this is all good the way it is!”
Fact is, there is no right timing, really. And whenever I thought NOW was the time to have petit Joel, it did not work. Whenever I thought that I don’t really care anymore if I ever get pregnant: Bam! Well, to be completely honest here, let’s wait and see. I don’t rush anything, I don’t go crazy about this pregnancy thing and see what happens. It is all good, no stress. In any case, most of the time I would love being pregnant again, to experience birth one more time. All these stages of parenting and going through them together with le husband [even though he is on mission a lot] sounds fantastic and romantic.
This conversation led us straight to the next one. Le husband said to “appreciate the things in life we already have and that the way things happened so far are just so insane and fantastic.” How we met, our background, and if one little piece would have been removed we possible would have never met. Would have never gotten married, never had our son and never seen and done all these things together as a couple.
The day we met, I overslept. I never ever oversleep. I rushed to work, which is just across the street. Le husband was also in a hurry to get to work; however, he was not late. I ran down the stairs, and so did he. The distance between us, most likely 10 meters. While I ran through the garage in the basement I lost my Burberry scarf but did not realize it right away. When I did, I turned around to run back but he already picked it up, smiled and handed it back to me. This was the first time we saw each other, even tough we worked in the same department for quite some time. I looked at him and nothing mattered anymore. Time, changing into my uniform and getting ready to work seemed all so far away. Time stood still, as still as it was when our son was born. As still as it was when we got married.
Maybe it is just a somewhat universal collective sense of some new beginnings and changes in our life. Or maybe this family of mine is ready to move on. Move on to new adventures. The winds seems to change. Some sort of potential is growing and making me see some light to keep my dreams moving forward. Some great adventures are in store for us, it seems getting clearer and clearer. Le husband and I have managed to fit so much into almost five years of being together. These years have been the most lively, awakening and progressive in my life. These years have been filled with tons of laughter, strength and learning. He is the best partner for any adventure – my partner in crime. And of course, love. Always love. Unconditional.
What do you all think? When did you know you only wanted one child, or two, three? Or none? I would love to hear from you.
