Joel and the Burqa.

Hello and Happy Thursday! 

This is my son’s Curious George face. He will turn three in October. Wow, time flies. Petit Joel asks so many questions, wants explanations and discovers every single day. It is fun to watch how his personality shapes, how he grows up. He is so gentle, loving, connected and usually peaceful. He always wakes up happy. I just cannot wait to get to know the man he will become – but I feel I already know him.  Oh yes – it is great to be Joel Henry for one day. Le husband and I agree on this every single day when I send him pictures of us and our day. How good he has it; eating cake in the park, spending time at the playground, enjoying life. Just living the good life! 

Today, we had a doctor’s appointment in the morning and sat in the waiting room for quite some time. Other people and kids came and went. Joel was fine however. He played on the slide and painted a bit. Then the door opened and a family of three walked in. The woman, completely in burqa, sat down. Her husband and little son next to her. Silence. Actually, the entire room fell silent. The kids stopped playing. My son has seen women in a hijab before, but I don’t think he has ever seen a woman in a burqa. I raise my son very tolerant and he is good-hearted. The old woman at the corner is not a witch, gay people kissing is not yuk or disgusting; disabled people are okay – and if someone is in a wheelchair he hurt his leg very badly and cannot walk anymore. Tattoos are fine as well as  purple hair. As far as the burqa goes: I was not prepared at all! 

So while we sat in the crowded waiting room my son got more and more interested in this “ghost” as he called her. “What is underneath, Mommy,” he asked. “Is it a ghost? Why is she wearing this”, he wondered. Of course, he did not whisper. He yelled, pointing at her. Everyone was staring anyway, since the family walked in. But now, even the last child was quiet. Honestly, I was put on the spot and could not come up with any plausible explanation that would made sense to him. And of course I did not want to offend the family in any way. Live and let live! To each his own! At this point, my son tried to see what is underneath the burqa and tried to lift it up at her legs. I smiled at both apologetically and pulled my son away. The entire time, I could not see her eyes. They were hidden behind a grill or mesh of the veil. It was strange in a way considering I don’t like when somebody talks to me with sunglasses on. You know what a burqa is? Here a little Headgear 101: 

What happens once you tell your kids NOT to do something? Yep, they go right for it. He was still pretty determined at this point to find out who this ghost is. Then he wanted to be a ghost himself and asked me for a sheet to cover him. My only way to stop this was to take him outside. The waiting room was pretty full anyway, so other mothers waited outside too. I told a woman who laughed at what just happened in the waiting room while I dragged my son out and tried to calm him down. He still wanted to see the ghost one last time. To my surprise the woman said that she thinks that “if these people need to dress like this, they should stay in their country. We are in Germany after all. They should ban these women from walking around like this. And honestly, who wants to walk around with a burqa when it’s 33 degrees Celsius outside?” 

I thought about this for quite a while. Again, to each his own. But how do I explain a burqa to my three year-old son? This was my try:

“Listen my love, people are different. Some like to dress in pink, some in black, some in blue. It is like flowers, they are all different too. Different colors, shapes, but they are all pretty and we are all human beings.”

It seemed like he understood. At least he stopped calling her a ghost and trying to get back into the room. Win-win for now, I would say. 

What do you think? What would you have said?  Should I have apologized more? Do you think she should have maybe lifted the vail for a second to show my son that she is not a ghost?