Of course the time in Germany flew by in a heartbeat. I always know this before I even get here. I want to meet so many friends, want to talk to everyone and spend time with them but it is not possible. I just unpacked my suitcase and it is time to arrange all the things I purchased/received as intelligently as possible to make this thing close up again.
I cannot even describe the endlessly long number of thoughts that are going through my head right now. The car ride tomorrow to the airport, our stay at the hotel, the flight and so much more but I can deal with it. I always figure out a way. You know why? Because I have to and things will be okay. And if they won’t, I will rearrange everything and make it work again. There are only solutions even though I don’t see them right away.
I felt emotional for two days now and it is strangely always the same painful phenomenon. Saying goodbye to my family is never easy. I just know I am and have been at a very peaceful, loving, good place. My home base, which is a place where I don’t have to worry about anything really. Not that my life was bad before but being with my family is extra special. Maybe you can relate or know what I am talking about. My brother was here too, so it has been especially great. Really awesome and good conversations. Things are never perfect, but it felt pretty close to it. It has been a, for me, pretty long time since we have all seen each other last.
Saying goodbye to my grandparents every time does not get easier either. They are old, they have their health issues. Will I ever see them again? We talk on the phone or via Skype (82/92 year-olds are using Skype, too!) every week usually but this is not the same than of course talking in person. I was thankful to have spent some time with them while I was here. I am just continuing to put my positive energy out there by thinking positive thoughts and things. Everything will be okay. We will be fine. I simply have to take out the negativity and sadness of leaving my base behind, hah! Easier said then done but I focus on my health first, Petit Joel, on the next semester, meeting friends again and how everything just always goes on somehow.
My life is no way how I ever planned it to be. The only thing I always knew was that I don’t want to be stuck here in Coburg. I wanted to see the world, explore, experience, travel. Things did not change so far. However, there is a price to pay, in this case that I won’t be able to stop by for a cup of coffee at my mom’s kitchen. I made all type of plans but life threw curveball at me left and right. Things changed. I adapted. And now I live in Canada and I love and adore it even though it is freaking cold, eh! This is my life. My new life. With no family around but this is what I chose. I am here now, open, present and grateful for what I achieved. Grateful for the relationships in my life, especially the ones that open up my mind to new insights and helping me to embrace ideas and thoughts. As I said, I am adapting, and I already found a new favorite bookstore and new books that fall into my hands which makes it all okay.
Even though my heart is aching thinking about leaving tomorrow, I know that I don’t want to change this wild, somewhat uncertain and crazy life of mine ever. I am beating the German “Angst” and look beyond security and safety and take a shot on this crazy life and what it entails. And I will be back. No matter what.
