(I need those arm bracelets ASAP!)
So I saw Wonder Woman the other day even though superhero movies are not my thing at all. Or to pay $ 20 for a movie. In addition, whenever a movie is announced to be two-hour and twenty one minutes long my derriere tells me, “please just don’t!” However, insane world-wide box-office projections, reviews, announcements and the question if women can even have superpowers in the first place made me drag myself to the movie theater at 10 am on a Tuesday morning.
The opening scene: A hot Diana (Gal Gadot) walks into the Louvre (is she an employee?) after she received a suitcase from Bruce Wayne (hot) who is interested in the story of an old photograph that was in the package. I didn’t know what is going on at all since I never read the comic-book or know anything about Wonder Woman at all but this is, in hindsight, not important. After I got really comfortable in my seat and the movie theater cleaning person in a tank-top disappeared, the real good stuff began. A fantastically animated ancient Greek mythology origin story kept me in awe for a while and I want to thank my friend Dat for introducing me to it all. I love how they combined and added this to the movie since I believe that mythology has a huge tradition in human history. Don’t we all just want to be part of things? Or something? Or rather nothing?
The story continues by getting to know Diana as this cute little girl who lives on an island in paradise that is inhabited solely by Amazonian women who try to copy Gal Gadots’s great accent. I thought Russian, initially. I kind of loved this island from the start. The place is protected from the evil darkness of mankind (from men?) and apparently also from bad weather. Always blue sky, sunshine and beautiful beaches. [Most certainly they did not make this movie in Canada then!] Also, there is no male person. Instead there is peace, harmony (there is the occasional fight but it gets all sorted out), no beer and pants and stuff all over the place; in other words: no trouble!
Diana sees all the other Amazonian women train ever day for hours and she is eager to practice herself. However, her mom Hippolyta (Connie Nielson, also hot!) is smothering and protecting her like there is no tomorrow. There is also Antiope (Robin Wright, h** – I know it gets annoying, but this movie might have turned me into a lesbian for realz!) who secretly teaches Diana how to fight. Diana grows older and of course danger is just around the corner. Steve Trevor (Chris Pine, also kinda hot) crashes with a German fighter plane (right up my alley, I reckon) through the secure force shield of this awesome island and crashes into the ocean. He cannot unbuckle his seatbelt and Diana frees him. (Duh!) Shortly after, the Amazons have to battle the evil Germans who try to find Steve Trevor in a pretty awesome 300-style beach battle. The Amazons want to kill Steve Trevor immediately but Diana decides to leave with him after she saw his penis in a jacuzzi. He assured her that it is above average; then again, she has never seen a penis before, duh again!
Steve told her that this War to End All Wars is happening right now and just outside this protective awesome island bubble. The big question is now if she will let all these killings and destructions happen while she is going back to the jacuzzi with Steve? Most likely not; this would make a pretty horrible and boring movie, right? Diana and Steve leave the awesome island on a boat and head toward the western front so Diana can find Ares (the God of War) and end the war on earth forever. Not too much attention is paid to the mass murdering when they initially arrived in London but the main concern was that she gets dressed appropriately in “normal” clothes since she cannot walk around like this:
Sword and shield missing.
I think that the filmmakers found a perfect balance between Diana’s beauty, strengths, naïveté and her brilliance and to figure out how mankind can be so evil and create such a huge destruction. To add, the little romance between Diana and Steve transformed this movie only into the PGR 13 category. [Damn, I expected to see more!] In the movie, men are depicted overall like walking erections whenever they see Diana which is kind of annoying. There are some guys who don’t seem to be attracted to her so they are probably gay. (The Scottish dude?) Sometimes the truth hurts. I don’t want to spoil any more of the movie so go and watch it to figure out for yourself. Go early in the morning if you have kids and are fortunate to drop them off at daycare to see this movie in peace. Buy some popcorn. Even at 10 am. It is definitely worth it.
