Yay! Another lockdown is around the corner and I am tired of it. Really tired of it. Even though I see this virus with different eyes now because I caught it three weeks ago but these lockdowns make no sense to me at all anymore. I rocked through all the symtpoms more or less okay and besides being tired and a bit weak everything is fine again. When I hit rock-bottom I came up with this “get-me-sane-through-another-lockdown” list to cheer myself up. It worked.
- Compliment others.
- Take a compliment without justifying anything.
- When a guest says your meat loaf looks like a giant fotball, don’t tell them that their partner is obviously gay.
- Don’t bite your cuticles. Even when nervous.
- Invest in quality clothing. Rather less quality items than too much cheap stuff.
- If your white shirt has sweat stains, throw it away.
- Take care of yourself. Don’t stink. Take showers. Get medical check-ups.
- Rest when you are sick.
- Get your teeth cleaned.
- Read.
- Join a book club. Join two.
- Don’t tell your friends with kids that if they die, you will take care of their kids.
- If you don’t like something someone says, say: “That’s interesting…..”
- If you like something someone says, say: “That’s interesting!”
- Don’t complain about your interior/exterior designers and how they messed up your 45,000 Euro kitchen or your garden design for 140,000 Euro.
- Give flight attendants your full attention during their in-case-of-emergency take off routines. Show respect.
- Engage strangers while waiting in line.
- Don’t reprimand people who call you sweetheart.
- Accept it: you are too old to drink more than two glasses of wine and sleep comfortably through the night.
- Enjoy when bouncers still ask you for your ID.
- When your partner is in the bathroom, don’t knock on or talk to them through the closed bathroom door.
- When a person doesn’t get your reference, don’t repeat, “Oh, just kiss my ass!” with the hope that they will.
- Listen to erotic audiobook when you scrub the bathroom floor and gangsta rap while cleaning the windows.
- Don’t worry about anything too much or too long.
- Get involved in a holistic, healthy lifestyle and ask me how to get started.
- Quit smoking.
- Ask your friend who is a shrink if you should see a shrink.
- Look at yourself in the mirror. It is you. Smile.
- Don’t use face-filter apps on social media. Or ever.
- You are unhappy in your relationship? Change. Stop complaining.
- Make love to your partner. If this doesn’t sound like a good idea, figure out why not. Then change.
- Clean your apartment/house like you have never cleaned an apartment/house before.
- Consider that step of buying a house instead of renting.
- Learn that life is more fun when you are loose.
- Take Pilates, hot Yoga, and give yourself a hug.
- No need to wear Lululemon Yoga pants for 150 Euro.
- Don’t say “you are busy” or “you are working on something” or “you have poor internet connection” if you just don’t want to talk to someone.
- Rather buy from an independent bookstore than the big “A”.
- Make love to your partner when they say, “It is your money. Do whatever you want with it.”
- Make love to your partner when they say, “I will cook dinner tonight, do the laundry, run you a hot bath while I take the kids to bed. Do you want a glass of wine and some dark chocolate?”
- Don’t lie. Obviously.
- Develop a signature look which says: I have good taste. I am clean. I am confident. You can trust me. People will know and feel if you are fake!
- Don’t get lonely when your partner is not around.
- There is nothing wrong with having nice things but don’t get in crazy debt.
- Learn how to fix things in the house.
- Don’t be lazy. Don’t cut corners. Don’t slack. Don’t infringe. Don’t be a slob.
- Listen to others. Stay calm.
- Oh, in case you forgot: Stop complaining.
- Be part of the solution, not the problem.
- If someone moves to make room for you, take up more room.
- If someone sneezes or coughs, run.
- If you don’t want someone to leave, sit on their suitcase.
- Even though you can take care of yourself, it is okay to let someone be nice to you.
- It is fine to take a nap on the laundry.
- If you stand in the kitchen long enough, someone will feed you.
- Just because it is gorgeous outside doesn’t mean you have to go outside.
- Just because you can fit into something tight doesn’t mean you should.
- If you want to be left alone, say so.
- If you want to surprise someone, lie in a bathtub and then jerk back the curtains when they sit on the toilet.
- Eat cheese with the refrigerator door open so it counts as a light snack and not a three-thousand-calories-cry for help.
- Clean your bedside table from empty mugs and wineglasses, and any ChapStick-rimmed glass of stale water with cat hair floating in it. Wait, you don’t even have a cat.
- Make a cup of tea that’s a thousand degrees too hot and forget to drink it until it is cold.
- Say that you are going to go for a walk in the crisp, cold air on a Saturday morning and then it suddenly being nighttime without you even having put on pants.
Sounds good to you? Then we are compatible. Stay happy. Stay healthy.
