I am now in thin-ice territory.
Talking about relationships, especially toxic ones, are bound to cause distress and, in some cases, even heartbreak. Upsetting as it might get, most of us, sooner or later, are bound to find ourselves in this type of toxicity. How to get out? That’s where things get difficult. When a relationship starts turning sour, we immediately write it off as nothing more than a rough patch. Everyone has their ups and downs, and we want to be there both for the better and for the worse.
When time passes and the good times are a distant memory, we need to acknowledge that we are in trouble. Our treasured relationships, no matter if they are a love affair, friendship, or family member variety, are worth fighting for. But what happens when you are the only one fighting? When you are exhausting yourself to no avail, getting neither help nor appreciation from your loved one? Or even worse, when that person treats you with outright unkindness or disrespect? What happens if you, after every meeting, leave feeling drained, sad, angry, or hopeless, and you no longer believe the relationship to be salvageable?
We are taught to never give up on love, but what about when love gives up on us?
Whenever I talk about simplicity, minimalism, or scaled-down life choices, I inevitably end up on the subject of decluttering, organising, and downsizing – leaving my home, wardrobe, desktop, or mind feeling spars, clear, neat, and manageable. I go through my drawers, kitchen, phone, schedules, attics, and music playlists with gusto, discarding anything I render to be more dragging-down than a pick-me-up.
Yet, the one place I seem desperately reluctant to go through with trash bags in hand is my contact list. Few want to be considered selfish enough to only keep the relationships that are rewarding and respectful. But why? Why do we value the privilege of your own company so low, that it needn’t be received with gratitude? Or at the very least with appropriately good manners? We often find ourselves accepting toxic treatment that we would be appalled by if done to others. Could it maybe, just maybe, be that leaving is something reasonable to do? And instead, give your energy to the relationships that are deserving of it?
Simplifying our life often comes down to reducing the overwhelming and stress-inducing components of our day-to-day routines. Whether it be material things, thought processes, or activities. We want to focus on the things that give energy instead of drain it, that give us happiness instead of worry, that give our everyday life beauty and meaning instead of tension and anxiety. This is a good way to live. It makes sense and is reasonable. It might be selfish, but then again, what isn’t? Yet, the thought of decluttering where need be, especially among our relationships, is a daunting one. Giving your full focus to the things, thoughts, people, and plans that deserve you isn’t just selfish, it is also fair. To yourself, if no one else.
To tread carefully on this thin ice, I could assure you that I am not suggesting something as drastic as breaking up or letting a toxic relationship peter you out. But then maybe I am. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
