Hey my friend. Why do you look so frustrated? Oh, it is the pandemic and the dumb new rules. Do not beat yourself up about this. It is totally okay that you snoozed your alarm and slept past 10 am on a Friday. You still did not receive that negative PRC test that is able to reduce your ten! day quarantine to five. Rules over new rules that make absolutely no sense anymore. Lockdown for the unvaccinated, lockdown for everyone, PCR tests for those with a pirate eye patch but they have to wear a blue sweater. In addition, these people have to have one arm on the left side.
Not only is it okay but it is probably for the best if you stay home. Relax. The system wants you to. I am not a doctor, but I have been to one or two before, and if your body needed that rest then it was a hundred per cent the healthy thing to do. You know, I think I read somewhere that some people just aren’t taking too much shit anyway. Like, biologically. Clearly, with these new rules implemented by “experts” you are just wired to stay up until 2 am watching “Working Moms” with your partner and then sleep until lunch. Besides, you really think it would have been better if you showed up to the morning meeting on time? Please. Your are only allowed to if you are vaccinated or at least dropped the PCR test in the pick-up box on time so they see your test result is negative. Taking this gurgle test at 8.30 am gives you a 24 hour guarantee that you won’t get this virus in the meantime….. are you kidding? Are you going into a sealed glass box for 24 hours after you have taken this gurgle test? No! You are moving around. You are at work. But, hey, the experts say, we have to do this. At least now, since you stayed home, you are well rested and can tell your entire team via “Teams Meeting” about that Kate Foster is pregnant again but actually cheated on her husband Nathan. So who is the father? Also are her boobs fake? Watch “Working Moms” – it is awesome.
OMG, your cannot be serious! Someone is mad at you because you showed up at work without a negative PCR test but with a negative Antigen test that is however not valid at this current covid-stage? But you are healthy, have a negative test AND have absolutely no symptoms and they send you home again? Guess what? You deserve it. Make sure you text all your colleagues at work how many episodes of Sherlock Holmes you watched and how comfy it is on your couch. Also throw in any project you did in your garden, things you got done, or ordered online, worked out with, and how much fun cooking at home is while drinking a glass of wine at noon. The least you can do in this situation is to orally vaccinate at home with alcohol since you cannot leave your house for days because it is possible that WEGA police officers have surrounded your property by now, equipped with Pfizer or Johnson & Johnson tranquilliser guns or darts to hunt you down.
I am sorry but all this is literally insane. Has the government ever heard of a little something called sanity or work-life balance? We all should just adopt what the Scandinavian countries are doing, meaning chilling the fuck down a bit and let the virus run its course? There, people can walk freely again without this damn FFP2 mask. This would make many people here in Austria a billion times happier, less miserable, and more productive. Another key factor is that nobody understands all these rules anymore. Too many and too confusing!
So, you are in quarantine again because someone at work was exposed to someone who may have been tested Corona positive two weeks ago. Quite factually, taking forced time off work and then telling your team (there is no I in team, or is it!?) about the awesome show you binge-watched all day and night is healthy for everyone. It builds camaraderie. Camaraderie is what makes people like their jobs even more.
You are still waiting for your PCR test result, huh? I heard they lost quite a bunch or ran out of them since so many people want to get tested to enjoy a Glühwein at the overcrowded Christmas Market at the Town Hall in Vienna. It is totally fine to go there if you are vaccinated because then you won’t need a PCR test. Makes sense, right?! Because with two to three vaccines you are fully immunised, cannot get the virus anymore, AND cannot spread it. Also, you can remove the mask for good since you are vaccinated right?! Oh, hold on: YOU CANNOT? You still have to test and wear the mask? Well, guess why? BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IMMUNISED. YOU CAN GET IT, YOU CAN SPREAD IT! Healthier are most likely the ones who (have to) test every day and are as negative as my attitude toward all this Corona madness. Why would you send a symptom-free, healthy person with negative PCR test to home office? He cannot work in your office anymore because he is not vaccinated? Are you kidding me? I will rest just my case.
This simply cannot go on like this. Oh, someone said that the unvaccinated are rewarded by being able to stay ten days in quarantine? What the actual fuck? Being locked up is not a cool thing! Let’s focus on the fact that something unjust and absolutely horrible is happening to you and society.
You should get to enjoy at least five glasses of the best whiskey there is without feeling guilty about it. And obviously you need a couple of slices of homemade pizza. As a base, repeat after me: “I am amazing, healthy, have a negative test, have zero symptoms, and am locked away. FUCK THIS SHIT!” Seriously. I am not going to let you spiral here. I know this all sucks. We all suffer with this seemingly never-ending pandemic while looking sceptically at a dysfunctional government that comes up with more nonsense and lost track of the overall situation.
Of course you want to punch some people in the face. Honestly, anyone in your situation would want to. Maybe you can say that certain people bumped into you. Accidentally, sure, but how were you supposed to know that? He could have been a murderer overall. These days, nobody trusts anybody anymore. He could have had the virus and try to get you infected so you literally swung in self-defence. I really don’t understand why you are giving yourself such a hard time about this. It happens. It doesn’t, like, make you a bad person.
Neither does pushing certain people onto the subway track, by the way. I mean, what choice did you have? He was ranting about you should wear an additional face-mask, have 2 meters distance, goggles, and gloves. What exactly were you supposed to do? Let him ruin your life? I don’t think so. Can I ask you a question? I hope this isn’t offensive, but are you in therapy already? It just seems to me like you really should see someone. We all should after two(!) years of this insanity.
Look, I’m not saying that this was the best day of your life. It’s O.K. to wallow for a bit. Finish the pint of ice cream. Tomorrow is a new day. You have so much amazing shit ahead of you, because you are amazing. And this will be over at some point, I heard. Maybe the PCR result will get in tomorrow. Maybe not, and you will have another relaxed day at home. Stay positive and focus on your Self even if another lockdown will be announced today.
