In light of the recent school changes with the Omicron mutation I have compiled a list of questions from concerned parents. Please submit your questions below. Maybe our school board (bored?) team will read and answer them.
“If I’m fully vaccinated and boosted, will my newborn receive any immunity to Omicron while breastfeeding, and will she be able to meet her grandparents before she turns five?”
— Sarah, new mother
“When I take my kids to the indoor Playground and there is a sign next to an empty hand sanitiser that says, LEAVE THE GERMS OUTSIDE, but fifty people are gathering indoors without masks, should I laugh or cry? Or do they mean to leave the kids outside?”
— Christian, father of three
“If an unmasked person does not adhere to two meters of distance in the supermarket near my unvaccinated children, do I invite them home to spend time alone with my kids for the approximate one million hours that exist between 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.?”
— Kirsten, mother of three children under five
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“When I am at the drugstore with my infant and a masked costumer ridicules me for not maintaining distance while fake-coughing in my direction, can I punch her in the face or would that put me at risk for Omicron?”
— Claudia, first-time mom
“If my unvaccinated child has to attend preschool so I can work to pay for said preschool and to add to the crippling debt of my never-ending student loans, when will the Equal Rights Amendment be ratified by all fifty states in America?”
— Johanna, mother of two
“With Omicron being the most contagious variant yet and my baby too young to wear a mask for supermarket trips, should I splurge on online delivery services for groceries or begin hunting wild game in my backyard and building a complicated gutter system to capture rainwater?”
— Cal, first-time dad
“If my kids go to a school where everyone will be send home if a sister of a student who is not even in the school tested positive five days ago but wasn’t even in school for the last ten weeks and we are forced to stay at home quarantined in eighteen-degree rainy weather, is drinking alone still a red flag for alcoholism?”
— Klara, mother of four
“Since we’ve been quarantining to protect our child for nearly two years while anti-vax, anti-mask people populate our playground, is there a God and does she believe in chaos theory?”
— Kayla, mother of two
“If I keep my unvaccinated children home from school to protect them from the latest COVID surge, who will be more developmentally delayed—the twins because they missed preschool or me because I had to leave my career at forty?”
— Ellen, mother of twins
“Why does God hate me? Is it something I did? Did I have too many sexual thoughts as a teen? Is this because I bent that car’s fender while pulling out of the parking garage and didn’t leave a note on the other car’s windshield?”
— Daniela, parent of an eight-year-old
“Day after day, I dream of driving my head through a wall and watching the small pieces of plaster and dust gather at my feet while the pain slowly builds in my forehead and spreads behind my eyes. Is this an Omicron thing?”
— Roman, father of four
“As a high-risk pregnancy, I’m concerned about contracting Omicron. With no support for parents navigating the unassailable reality of raising children during a pandemic while struggling to afford childcare, nannies, groceries, I’m just wondering… will people give a shit about my children once they are born or do people only care about them while they are still in the womb?”
— Julie, expectant mother
Thank you for your questions. We look forward to answering them during our Friday briefing at noon which will be cancelled on a short notice due to Covid.
