1. Whilst meeting for coffee you:
a) Spontaneously order brunch
b) Ask me repeatedly about my plans to have another child
c) Gossip about work and colleagues without taking one breath in
2. When you notice the dent in your car you:
a) Frantically tell me to call the police and find out how to file a report
b) Suggest that you had parked in a precarious spot because of the pressure you sensed coming from me
c) Turn it into a larger narrative about how nothing in your life is going right
3. After you send an email to your boss in a moment of anger you:
a) Forward it to me with the words ‘What do I do now?’ in the subject line
b) Send me your résumé and request that I circulate it around
c) Insist that the man I just started dating is not a good choice because the only adequate person in my life is obviously you
4. After I’ve lined up a babysitter, put on make-up and am pulling out of my parking spot, you send a text saying:
a) That you’ve decided you need to save money so you just want to come over and drink “some of that awesome wine” instead
b) That you’re canceling because you and your boyfriend are in the middle of another big fight
c) That you’re changing the meeting place from a movie theater to a Techno club
5. Whenever you tell me I look tired, you:
a) Suggest I call your Pilates teacher to set up a private class
b) Make observations and comment about my diet and vitamin intake
c) Wonder if my son’s early morning waking habits aren’t part of a greater psychological issue
6. When the man I started dating sends me flowers you:
a) Identify the low-end florist who “did a decent job even though they clearly use the same supplier as a bodega”
b) Recall the uber-bouquet you received from a mortgage loan specialist you dated last year
c) Make a list of common allergens against men
7. At the wedding of a mutual close friend you took the opportunity to:
a) Tell me how much I let you down by not attending your sister’s wedding
b) Guess that I’ll be the last one of us three to marry because I’m so closed that it drives men away
c) Reveal that you just made out with the groom and that you’re terrified of it being found out
8. After begging me to meet you at a party thrown by your work colleague you:
a) Reveal that it was all a setup to get me to meet the guy from the IT Unit because you’re certain that he and I are soul mates
b) Call me once I’m already there to say you’re still at home because you can’t find your car keys
c) Get drunk and disappear with that IT Unit guy
d) All of the above
9. Whilst meeting for coffee for the last time you:
a) Frantically search your purse for your cellphone, realize that you’ve lost it and then borrow mine so you can make important calls
b) Frantically search your purse for your wallet believing you’ve been robbed and then lash out at the world only to realize that you’ve left your wallet at home… again
c) Ask me if I think you should marry your “on-again, off-again” boyfriend
d) Ask me to drive you to the airport
e) All of the above
10. When a week goes by and we haven’t spoken you:
a) Tell me that you’re seeing your ex again
b) Remind me of the time you were “there for me”
c) Recount how many friends you’ve lost to new relationships only to have them crawl back to you when it all goes wrong
11. When a month goes by during which our only contact has been through social media you:
a) Book tickets for us to go on a Wellness weekend retreat together
b) Pop by my house with a few bottles of wine
c) Correctly assess that I am weeding you out
12. After I’ve texted the answer to your question, “What’s your exact mailing address” you then:
a) Text me your exact mailing address
b) Text me “Aren’t you curious why I’m asking?”
c) Text me a follow-up question which autocorrect has rendered indecipherable
d) Text me “What’s your exact email address, cellphone, Insta and Twitter name?”
e). Call me
f) All of the above
