*This is how I think it is like working at a condom factory. Reminder: It can always be worse.
EMPLOYEE: You see any good penises lately?
SECOND EMPLOYEE: It’s Friday. So, yes.
EMPLOYEE: Me too. Our whole job is to look at, then discuss penises at a professional level.
SECOND EMPLOYEE: Yes, we’re just professionals who study penises and then have meetings to discuss what we learned about the penises so we can make a better product for penises. Five days a week, 260 working days a year.
EMPLOYEE: Speaking of which, today I’m giving a presentation to our coworkers, who are also penis professionals. I’ll be sharing all of the new things we’ve learned recently about the experience of sex from the perspective of the penis.
SECOND EMPLOYEE: Is the one employee who works in the Vagina Department going to be there?
EMPLOYEE: Unimportant. What are you working on today?
SECOND EMPLOYEE: More research on lambskin and how it fits on different types of penises.
EMPLOYEE: Remember how we discovered that you can use the skin from a lamb to cover a penis?
SECOND EMPLOYEE: Yeah, that was a wild project. Very aggressive timelines. Tons of lambs and penises. I’m really proud of that work.
EMPLOYEE: Our work is the type of thing you can talk about openly with mixed company, such as during dinner with your in-laws, when chatting with a neighbor, or when you’re catching up with parents of children that go to your kid’s school.
SECOND EMPLOYEE: Definitely. I discuss my career working with penises with my father-in-law all the time. He’s one of those technical types of guys who likes discussing cars, sound systems, and the various trajectories of the penis that the skin from a lamb is designed to accommodate during sex.
EMPLOYEE: My dad loves talking about my work with penises too. There must be something about that generation, because they sure do love penises.
SECOND EMPLOYEE: Don’t we all in this line of work? Why else would we dedicate the majority of our lives to the study of penises and penis mechanics?
EMPLOYEE: It’s sure not for the health insurance.
SECOND EMPLOYEE: For me, it’s really about leaving a legacy and doing something that my children and my family can associate me with for the rest of their—hey, look, a penis.
