You will LOVE having another kid! It’s the best. I mean look at that little face. Your son would have a sibling. Come on, you are not too old. You are what? Like 35? How could you say no to those chubby cheeks? Honestly, I don’t even know how you’ve waited this long. Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s just a small stovetop fire, but Chris can put it out. When you’re a mom of two these kind of things happen all the time and I’ve become a much more patient person because of it. God, where is Chris. CHRIS! Can you get down here and put out the fire, please?
Anyways as I was saying, kids are a freaking miracle. Are you going to freeze your eggs? You really should if you’re still waiting for the “right one” or whatever. You are also not getting younger. Oh will you look at that, the fire spread to the hand towel. CHRIS THOSE FLAMES AREN’T GOING TO PUT THEMSELVES OUT! Honestly, you can’t get him to do anything. But then if I do it it’s like, I’m doing everything, you know?
What were we talking about again? Oh, right. Babies! They make you so happy—especially two. We even think about having a third one. You might think you’re happy right now, but you’re not. I mean look at my baby, do you really want to miss out on all that joy? Also, really do think about your son. He would love a sibling. He is now 11, no? Perfect age gap. He can take the baby to the playground whenever he takes Minecraft gaming breaks on his computer. I bet your son would play a lot less on the computer and spend more time with his sibling or play outdoors to get fresh air. He would love to have a little brother or sister – one of the only two possible biological genders there are. I literally have no regrets, and I’ve never felt like I’ve had my life so figured out. Ugh, now the carpet’s burning. No, don’t worry. Our therapist said I need to wait for Chris to be his own solution. But then if I yell at him it’s like, I’m the bad guy. I mean, really. Come on.
I guess I just don’t understand why you’ve waited so long with a second one? Your biological clock is ticking away, you know. Every year you wait is a year you miss out on life’s biggest, most beautiful… one second. CHRIS! YOU’VE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR OVER A FUCKING HOUR! GET DOWNHERE NOW! It’s like, is he really going to spend an hour in there just so he can get out of doing one thing?
Anyway, like I was saying, sure it’s tough sometimes but so is everything… that’s… [cough]… [cough] …worth it. Wow, it is smokey in here. CHRIS! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND… [cough] …[cough]
Ah, so much better outside in the fresh air, isn’t it? Little Harry loves the outdoors. I keep telling everyone that one day he’s going to be a famous mountain climber or one of those army drill sergeants. I guess he’s going to love it even more now that we’ll be sleeping in our backyard in a tent — just until Chris gets around to calling the fire department.
Now as I was saying, you need to decide what you want. Do you want stability and a beautiful family, or do you want to have your freedom back with only one child and then, when he moves out to study abroad, and you will pay for all this, be alone for eternity? Sure some might argue that marriage is an outdated institution, but honestly I couldn’t be more happy with my life and — oh would you look at that, Chris has been engulfed in flames. Well, at least he died doing what he loved most, which is doing nothing.
Now, let’s talk about when you’re going to get married again, because you really need to do that sooner than later, you know.
