Helllllooooo, my darlings! How are you holding up? Are you enjoying the long spring twilight? Kissing the whiskery faces of your pets and friends? Noticing the bright golden green of the April willows? I know you are. Here we are, in our bodies, in the world, listening to music and loving each other. Thank god for that. Let’s start with a little self-awareness test, shall we?
What’s your name? How tall are you? What is your occupation? Do you like it? Have you been feeling any dizziness or fatigue lately? But getting to know the real you is about asking yourself lots of questions. Much better questions than these.
It’s about exploring your strengths and weaknesses. Are you a good shooter? If not, then that’s a weakness. How about Pilates or Yoga? Hopefully one of those is a yes or your weakness column is starting to look like a nightmare.
Becoming self-aware may mean discovering aspects of yourself that you didn’t notice before, like that you’re double-jointed or divorced. But amidst all the positives, there is always the risk that you could end up liking yourself less. This happens rarely, but when it does, boy, it sucks.
You might think you know yourself, but how about the time in that restaurant when you were so sure you wanted the oysters, then spit it right out of your mouth? Or the time you bought that expensive shirt and then spit it out of your mouth? That doesn’t sound like someone who knows themselves very well or who understands what’s supposed to go in their mouth.
According to the renowned German psychologist Erik Erickson, people who lack self-awareness are experiencing an “identity crisis,” a condition that comes about when the person you think you are is different from the person you truly are. This happens a lot when you catch a glimpse of your rainbow-colored mandatory “Gender Awareness Course” name tag.
Self-awareness can often be the gateway to personal change. If you want to quit smoking, for example, you have to know that you’re a smoker first, so look down at your hand and see if there’s a cigarette there. If not, then what is that in your hand? A knife? What are you, some kind of murderer?
Only when you truly know who you are will you feel the sense of freedom to mock others. Someone might walk funny, for example, but before you can safely mock him, it’s important to know for sure that you don’t walk funny, too. Once you’re clear, let ’em have it, but still be nice, not mean.
Looking through old photos or diaries can be a great window into your relationships and life—a big piece of the self-awareness puzzle. Study the body language of the people in the photos with you. Do they seem to like you, or are they glaring at you and hitting you? Are there any pictures of you swimming with sharks? Are there pictures before and after your promotion? Were you happier before or after? Are there any pictures of you petting lions in Africa before you got malaria? Did you ever want to purchase land because “it looks good on Google Maps” and then signed the contract without checking it out first? Things like this can be a huge help in determining whether or not you like doing things like that.
Try writing your obituary. Do you know yourself well enough to write about your life, or do you keep getting facts wrong? Are you even sad that you died? Because you sure aren’t acting like it.
Look into a mirror and say hello to yourself. Did you say anything back or just leave yourself hanging? Try smiling, now frown, now look frightened, now embarrassed, now shocked like you just got slapped by someone. Do any of these emotions feel natural to you? Try walking away from the mirror, then sneaking up on yourself. Is your first reaction, “Oh, there I am”? Or is it, “Who the hell’s this raccoon?”
Install a mirror above your bed so the first thing you see every morning is you. Use the little camera in the mirror to film yourself having sex with someone, then post it on the Internet. Check the comments section to see if people are generally pretty positive. If so, then someone may have just found that strength he was looking for.
Remember, achieving self-awareness is a process. Even with all the mirrors and sex videos, the path is rarely clear but rather lined with mirages of our false selves. Each of us plays so many different roles in our lives: You might be a wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, boss, openandfree666 or hungdaddy9999, and a ballett or soccer coach all at the same time—so which “self” is the real you? It’s difficult to say, but fingers crossed it’s not the porny one. Or maybe that’s cool, too.
